Saving my family - Part 12

[Scorp7]

As usual, you're right Drew. I think I need to write the phrase "slow and steady" on my hand so I can remind myself constantly. It has been so great spending time together recently I'm wanting to push and go faster. That would be a very bad thing to do right now.

We've taken some major positive steps, I'm beyond happy with where things are at right now compared to where we were even 3 months ago. If we can continue the positive steps I am excited to think what the future might hold.

[Barrybran]

That squirrel analogy is fantastic. I'm in the same boat as you right now Scorp; doing my own thing, enjoying time with my kids and being patient with my wife. Keep living your life and keep building that trust. I'm glad to see where you are compared to where you've come from.

[Scorp7]

A lot has happened since I last posted here. My mother passed away a couple of weeks ago. That has been very hard but I'm hanging in thanks to the support of family and friends.

Besides that, my W and I are now seeing each other fairly regularly. We sat down this past Friday and had dinner together as a family at a restaurant. That was the first time that had happened in over 9 months. When my W and I talk we seem to get along really well. We laugh together, no arguing at all, things seem really good. She still is distant though for the most part and I can tell she still is very unsure. She hasn't brought up anything about trying to R and I haven't gone there either.

During the last meeting she mentioned her friend that was getting married so I threw out that I had been reading some great books (thanks MWD) and that I could recommend some to her friend. That seemed to catch my W's interest. I also said I wish I had known all of the things during our M that I know now and that I knew I was a dolt (our kids were there so I had to keep it G rated, hehe).

Also, I asked her for her new cell phone number and she gave it to me I said I thought it was "kinda funny that I was asking for her phone number all over again" and she laughed. She also mentioned that she had been out for dinner the night before and she seemed to make sure I knew that it was with her girlfriend.

Anyway, things have come a LONG way. I've been keeping very busy and the progress my W and I have made has felt so good. Sharing the kids week to week is going very well and we seem to be getting pretty good at co-parenting.

I'm going to stick with what I've been doing so far, not push too much with my W. Although, it was our 8th anniversary last week and I did email her a list of things I was thankful to her for, something I'd put together a long time ago. Pursuing yes but it felt like the right thing to do.

[Wonka]

Scorp,

I am sorry about your loss....just grieve at your own pace. I am still grieving over my father who passed away almost 2 years ago.

On to your W. Sounds positive that things are much better between the pair of you. Remember...slow and steady. It took time for the M to fall apart and it will take MORE time to slowly piece it back together if you show consistent changes. She is looking for "evidence" of lasting and consistent changes. A lot of WASes are afraid of going back to the old R and that's what holds them back 99.9% of the time.

Easy does it, buddy. You got this, Scorp!

[Scorp7]

Thanks Wonka. It's hard to not have expectations, to not push. I do still love her deeply and my kids tell me regularly how much they want their parents back together. Slow and steady is the only real option.

[Scorp7]

Here's a question, my W just gave me her cell number last Friday. I hadn't used it at all and wanted to avoid contacting her however after talking with my kids last night and finding out my D5 hurt her ankle and also my S2 being scheduled to have immunization shots today, any harm in texting her to see how they are doing?

[Wonka]

Scorp,

I say here all the time that being a parent is the overriding priority. If the WAS is being reasonable, then it is good to maintain communications about the kids and their well-being.

Sure, if it feels right, you can contact your W. It is about the kids and be sure it is about them.

[Scorp7]

Thanks Wonka!

[Barrybran]

Sorry to hear about your mum, Scorp. Other than that, it's a great update :-)

[Scorp7]

I've spoken with several people over the last while that all told me that they thought it was just a matter of time before my W came back. Perhaps they were just trying to make me fell better, which it did. I have heard of many stories and seen examples amongst my friends and family where the WAS has come back after some time.

My sitch seemed so extreme at first and then in talking to many of you here and reading some of the other posting on the forum I've realised that my sitch wasn't uncommon at all. It's been amazing to be able to sit down and talk with my W again, to be able to do things with her and our kids together. Despite that, it still feels like we are so far away from a R. Staying strong and being patient in these situations is not for wussies, hehe.

My W has told me that her mother is still very angry with me. Since my W and her mother are living under the same roof and are very close this may be another obstacle that will take time to overcome.

Also, since asking if I should text my W first to ask about our kids she texted me first so that solves that dilemma