Well the other night I told the wife rather than having to get a divorce and go through a custody battle for our daughter lets give counseling a try. Worst mistake ever, or rather I picked a bad one. This lady I don't even remember how I found her but by the end of the night she basically told my wife that her EA was justified and that even though he is 22 and she is 35 she sees no reason why it can't work out. It took every last bit of restraint I had not to blow up on this woman. I could barely contain myself. Luckily she knew I was upset and did not charge me for the session. Unbelievable though. Be careful which counselors you choose and read their reviews.
I talked to another one just yesterday who had good reviews and he flat out told me that he won't see couples where their is an ongoing affair. I told him that he was a smart man. I mean how in the hell are you able to get counseling and start working on your marriage if your spouse is unwilling to end their affair. It's impossible.
Vince H- I strongly urge you to speak to a Divorce Busting coach as soon as possible. There is much that can be done. Call me to discuss our coaching program. 303-444-7004 Cristy
Here is a link from Michele regarding couples therapy
Well the other night I told the wife rather than having to get a divorce and go through a custody battle for our daughter lets give counseling a try. Worst mistake ever, or rather I picked a bad one. This lady I don't even remember how I found her but by the end of the night she basically told my wife that her EA was justified and that even though he is 22 and she is 35 she sees no reason why it can't work out. It took every last bit of restraint I had not to blow up on this woman. I could barely contain myself. Luckily she knew I was upset and did not charge me for the session. Unbelievable though. Be careful which counselors you choose and read their reviews. I talked to another one just yesterday who had good reviews and he flat out told me that he won't see couples where their is an ongoing affair. I told him that he was a smart man. I mean how in the hell are you able to get counseling and start working on your marriage if your spouse is unwilling to end their affair. It's impossible.
I don't want to quibble with you b/c your main point (lousy marriage counselors) is a valid one. There are some really lousy counselors out there, who ought to be called "divorce counsellors" instead of marriage counselors.
Anyhow, I just wanted to say that SOME couples do work on their marriages while an OP exists (and then sometimes, the OP goes away.)
Not all partners can end the A before they see change in their spouses...they fear that the spouse will simply revert back to their old ways if they give up the OPs. And in some cases the LBS would not have changed except for the OP becoming involved in their marriage. Like for instance, as an example, MAYBE you would not work on yourself at all, until you heard of OM...
Just a thought. I hope you can find a REAL marriage counsellor asap. Ask them if they are "solution based" and that way you won't spend all your time rehashing the past...
Our MC said if we did not see any changes in our own behaviors and interactions within 5-6 sessions, he was not the MC for us.
I think that's a decent guideline and I'd add this to it---if you don't get ANY good feedback or useful constructive comments within the first 2 sessions, I'd seek out another counselor. And btw, I can vouch for the DB coaches here. I had Vernetta and she was a Godsend for me/us.
She was Very specific w/detailed advice that was useful for me.
Just make sure you tell them the WHOLE story and answer their questions in full. If there are conflicts between what you hear on this board and what your dB coach says, go with the coach. But make sure you are telling the same things to both entities. Make sense?
Good luck!
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
Wow. You hit the nail on the head. That is exactly what happened. I only started to change when I found out about the OP. But now she says it's too late and is in love with the OP. She's even planning on getting an apartment together with him.
Ok so this is one of the things I wanted to talk about but didn't get approved on the newcomers forum. One of the goals in db-ing is to make yourself the better choice. But my question is this, the guy who my wife is having her affair with is not only 22 years old but is a model and has a body that is damn near perfect, she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore because I let my body go, but now that she's tasted forbidden pleasure and has enjoyed being with this younger man sexually how or why would she ever come back to me? Even if I get back down to my marriage weight I will never have a body like this guy. In that case how can I be the better man, sexually? Or even if she moves back with me will she always be longing for him?
Also I have tried just about everything and nothing has worked so far. I followed these steps.
Edited due to the fact that the content was copied and posted illegally from another source. Due to copyright laws, you may not post any excerpts from other books, articles, etc.
I have told many in her family and they have tried to talk to her but she just pushes them away. They tell me it's no use that she's deaf and blind.
I have thought about posting a message on the OP's facebook page asking him how he feels about destroying my marriage and my child's future and to publicly out him to all his friends and family. And then to ask him respectfully one last time to stop and let me try to reconcile my marriage and give my daughter the future she deserves. What do you think about this?
Yes. I know. I broke rule 6. In fact I've broken many rules but I am trying to follow them now.
Many people have advised me to file for divorce and custody, even her own family. But I am afraid to. Will that ruin any chance we may have of reconciling the marriage? I read on here somewhere that if you have any hopes of reconciling the marriage to never ever mention the D word. And somebody's response to that was, well you don't have to mention it, you just do it. What is your guys' advice?
