I haven't read your entire thread but I did see the post prior to the bump. What does it mean? Your h remembered your anniversary and it stirred an emotion in him to contact you. He may be nostalgic, sad, happy, angry or any other range of emotions. Who knows. However, it doesn't really mean anything in my very humble opinion. Actions speak louder than words.
Do something nice for yourself today. Long walk. Bubble bath. Focus on you.
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
I have a little dilemma I would love some help with, if anyone is willing.
Quick background if you don't feel like reading my lengthy posts: He walked out 7 months ago after 10.5 years together. The 10 months prior to him walking out were spent doing long distance; he left just 4 days after arriving back in my country. We've seen each other only twice since and had around 4 Skype calls. Lately, things have been a little more positive.
So, about five days ago it would have been our 11th anniversary and he wrote me an email where he mentioned it. Recently my emails to him have been friendly and chatty but I have made it a point to not ask any questions so that he is never "forced" to reply. In his email re our anniversary, he wrote this: "Btw, I know what the date is today. I hope this weekend is okay for you, I know it's hard, which it is for me too. I just wanted to say that I didn't forget."
He also wrote something about letting him know about how my job hunt is going, as I am currently unemployed and urgently looking for a job.
My question is this: Should I write back re the anniversary, or should I wait it out until I have something to report re job hunt?
If the anniversary paragraph wasn't mentioned, I would have waited it out easily. But I do feel like it is almost rude to not acknowledge what he wrote about our anniversary.. it is more about being polite than anything.
I wish I was someone who could give you advice/direction. But I am not. I am new here myself. I just wanted you to know over the past couple of days I have read your entire story from start to finish. You definitely have patience and a strong will power to work at this given the distances you both face at times. So while I do not have anything productive to offer in terms of help, I will offer my moral support. I will follow your story and wish you the best!
That being said, i will take an amateur stab at the anniversary remark. So please do not listen to me, but wait till someone with more experience validates or shoots down my thought. I would guess since he brought it up it would be ok to make a remark about it. However, I would think a reply along the lines of "its nice that you remembered" would do you well. This way you acknowledge his comment in a pleasant way, but you do not tip your hand that you were dwelling on this day as well. I would think this would be a non pursuing reply. Just my thoughts...maybe someone else will have a different idea.
Me: 42 W: 32 Married 7 years together 8.5 S1: 7 S2:7 Bomb #1: 09-16-13 Recon #1: 11/13 A discovered 04-03-2014 W filed D 05-19-14 but never served me I filed D 12-02-2014 S 05-31-14 Divorced 5-19-16
Pilot - Thanks for reading my story. I know it's a bit of a long one, but I appreciate that someone out there is willing to "take me on" haha. It's definitely been a struggle these last few months and no one in my immediate family really has the capacity to help as they would like to.
Anyone else want to weigh in? I feel that I need to do something, either way, today.
I think he didnt ask a question so no response is called for. I would say nothing. If that feels rude, then "thank you for your message." Maybe. He did not do anything that merits much gratitude, but he displayed a little empathy, which is good.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
I just wanted to say... Not ignoring your question, but a little stumped. On the one hand, I like pilot's suggestion. On the other, it's such a charged subject that I don't see how you could acknowledge it casually.
So I lean towards.... It's been five days and you would otherwise have let it go, so maybe the moment has passed?
But hopefully a vet arrives to offer more qualified advice than mine.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
It's such a struggle to figure out which side of me "wins" - (a) The polite person in me that was around LONG before this new journey started (b) The person trying to DB or (c) The person who has been hurt.
I think I'm going to have to say something, though not much. I don't know. I guess because my journey is a little different to everyone else's, in the sense that is is DB-ing from across the world, email is my only method of showing the changes I have made etc. Therefore if I just ignore his emails completely, there is absolutely no chance of renewing the R. I think I'll have to just do what I have been doing.. offer a polite thanks that perhaps makes him feel good (i.e. validating) but does not offer any new info on MY feelings, I won't ask questions or really talk about our R at all, and I'll leave it at that.
It's certainly not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but the fact he even acknowledged our anniversary at all is a BIG switch from other occasions.. he didn't acknowledge Christmas or my bday in a way that was any more than cursory or obligatory. I thought he would straight-up ignore this occasion, given that the only reason this occasion exists is because our R once existed.
It's been a while since I last wrote, simply because not much is happening in terms of the R (or non-R I guess!)
It's been pretty rough for me recently as well, and I have needed to take some time to gather my thoughts. My GAL-ing is not going as planned.. my sister (one of only two people I know in this city) is leaving in two days for a year-long round the world trip. Even though we're not the best of friends, it's been hard for me to not feel slightly abandoned.. I know that is a result of the R breakdown with H, and not an actual issue with my sister, but it's hard to reconcile those feelings.
The only friend I have in this city seems to shut down communication as soon as I ask her to do anything, strangely.
And I am desperately looking for a job.. and having no luck. It's become very stressful, as in about two weeks from now, if I don't have anything, I'll probably have to give notice on my apartment, which will result in me breaking the lease and losing $3,000. This has given me more stress than I realise.. I barely sleep and have headaches every day.
I don't mean to sound so sorry for myself, but it's been one of those months where it just feels like I can't catch a break, and in turn I've become extremely angry and emotional with my family.
As for R, I did end up writing back to his email re our anniversary. I kept it light and just said thanks for acknowledging. He wrote back around a week later. He did say one thing in his latest email that irked me.. he told me how his summer was going and said something along the lines of "My mum is still irritating me, it's really hot, the cat is really fat.. so nothing has changed" and that really annoyed me.. You know, if nothing has changed, then what was the point of all this? I thought you "wanted to find happiness" again?
He's stuck in a rut and he can't seem to see that. It didn't anger me on a personal level, but I worry that he's not moving along with his life in a positive way.
It's been two weeks today since he wrote that email. I plan to write back today.. I purposely left it a while because he's not used to that. I have always been someone who writes back immediately.
Once again, I won't ask him any questions. Just fill him in on what's going on with me, answer the question he asked and leave it at that. I no longer write "I love you" at the end of my emails, and I expect he's noticed that. The only other thing I need to do is make sure I keep it really positive, and avoid mentioning how much my job situation is stressing me out.
Right on cue, two weeks after my email, he writes. He is perfectly friendly, asks a few questions, tells me to let him know how my job search is going. He talks about a wedding he went to last weekend and how fun it was. That is a wedding I would have gone to with him, had this not all happened. It is hard to hear him talk about it; I was hoping it would make him miss having a partner.
I just don't understand what we're doing. I've told him flat out MANY times that if we're not going to be together, I don't want to be friends. I've said the words "If we're not together, that's it. We can't talk. I need to erase you from my life."
So that leads me to believe that the fact he emails me with questions and clearly initiates a next round of contact makes me think he's not fully done.
But who knows if that's true. Is my DB'ing working? Has he conveniently forgotten everything I said?
