I will re post this again. C'mon guys I need some help here.
Many people have advised me to file for divorce and custody, even her own family. But I am afraid to. Will that ruin any chance we may have of reconciling the marriage? I read on here somewhere that if you have any hopes of reconciling the marriage to never ever mention the D word. And somebody's response to that was, well you don't have to mention it, you just do it. What is your guys' advice?
You didn't answer the question of whether or not you read the books. You're all over the place on these boards, so we can't tell what you're talking about.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
Okay. I just put them on hold and am going to rent both books at the library today. A few people have also told me that I should read MMSLP - The Married Man Sex Life Primer. Would that also be good?
And for God sakes please somebody help me. Should file for D and C and put my foot down and show her I mean business? Will this raise my sex appeal to her? Or will it ruin my chances for R?
"A few people have also told me that I should read MMSLP - The Married Man Sex Life Primer. Would that also be good?"
No. Alot of that is just BS from a self-proclaimed expert who has never had any problems in his M according to him.
"And for God sakes please somebody help me. Should file for D and C and put my foot down and show her I mean business? Will this raise my sex appeal to her? Or will it ruin my chances for R?"
First off, you shouldn't keep "demanding" people help you. A little humility will help go a long way.
Next, if you don't want a D, then don't file. All you're doing is stomping your feet like a child. Do you think that's attractive or makes your W want to come back to you? Start getting your head in order and write down what things about the M were issues for her. Detail them here. Explain what your role might have been. Be honest.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
And for God sakes please somebody help me. Should file for D and C and put my foot down and show her I mean business? Will this raise my sex appeal to her? Or will it ruin my chances for R?
Read the books.
DB101: Tactics to "win her back" rarely work.
Work on yourself.
Everybody hurts. It's part of life. Don't miss the good stuff.
I read the MMSLP and while some of it is good, I'm pretty sure he's no expert. It's good info but it won't help your marriage enough. That's my opinion.
"A few people have also told me that I should read MMSLP - The Married Man Sex Life Primer. Would that also be good?"
No. Alot of that is just BS from a self-proclaimed expert who has never had any problems in his M according to him.
"And for God sakes please somebody help me. Should file for D and C and put my foot down and show her I mean business? Will this raise my sex appeal to her? Or will it ruin my chances for R?"
First off, you shouldn't keep "demanding" people help you. A little humility will help go a long way.
Next, if you don't want a D, then don't file. All you're doing is stomping your feet like a child. Do you think that's attractive or makes your W want to come back to you? Start getting your head in order and write down what things about the M were issues for her. Detail them here. Explain what your role might have been. Be honest.
Okay. Good. I can take that off my list of things that I need to read then.
Sorry, didn't mean to come off as demanding. I am completely appreciative of all your guys help here. It is invaluable to me. I was just a bit frustrated because it seems like only 1/5th of what I write here actually gets posted. And I am in an extremely bad situation and need advice right away about what moves I should or should not be making. For example, thank God I did not post that letter on the OM's fb page. I would've made a complete fool of myself.
I think you are right. I don't want to file for divorce or custody. But everyone was telling me your wife thinks you're a doormat. You have no spine. Show her there are consequences for her actions. She will respect you more. Right now there is zero chance of her wanting to reconcile with you. If you had filed for divorce right away you might have had a chance. Now she sees you as weak and that is not attractive. And they tell me for God sakes get custody of your child back. Your wife abandoned the marital household and took your daughter with her to her brother's house. You have been a stay at home dad for the last 5 years and the primary care giver. You have taken her to and from school every day. And now your wife wants to take her out of her school, which is a level 1 school, where she is comfortable and has stability and where all her friends are, and put her in a level 2 school where her cousin goes, just because it's closer to where your wife is staying now and it's convenient for her. You need to fight for your rights. That's what they're all telling me. But the only thing I want is for the three of us to be together again and happy. I'm afraid that if I file for divorce or custody it will ruin any chances we may have for reconciling the marriage.
I know what her issues in the marriage were. And I am willing to take responsibility for those things. Her issues with me were that I put on weight, so she couldn't get turned on by me anymore and had told me so. She even said she couldn't post pictures of me on facebook because she was embarrassed by the way I looked. I have since gone on a diet and been hitting the gym every day. I have lost 40 pounds and will continue to do so until I'm back down to my original marriage weight. I didn't get a job outside the house like she wanted me to, even though I pay all the bills fixing computers from home. She works, but all her money goes to her, she doesn't chip in on the bills. I have since gotten a job working in hvac which I went to school for years ago. I am also thinking about getting my cdl class A license again and driving trucks like her brother and cousins do, who seem to be making good money doing that. I had too many fish tanks in the house which she always hated, a total of five, which I have since put on craigslist. I've sold half of them and am trying to sell the rest. I had gone out drinking a couple times with my buddies. I haven't hung out with my friends or gone out drinking since. But she must take full responsibility that she got the hots for a 22 year old at her job and started to have a PA with him in November while still being married and living with me. That's when all the talk about not being happy and wanting a divorce started. Little did I know at the time that the PA with this younger OM was the cause of it all. I thought she was just mad at me cause I wasn't doing all the things she wanted. I have since completely changed my act. But she says it's too late. She says she is in love with this OM, and that he is in love with her. She says she thinks about him all the time, and when they're not together she misses him. I tell her that it's not love, it's lust. I tell her this guy has got fifty other girls on his facebook and that he is a player and that there is no way a 22 year old with a body like that is going to be serious with a 35 year old woman who is married and has a 6 year old daughter. I tell her that she feels all in love and that everything is wonderful because of the newness of the relationship but that it will all fade away and then she will realize what she's doing. She even says she wants to get an apartment with him next year. I told her he's not going to want to do that because then how is he going to bring home the new flavor of the week. God I so want her to come out of the fog. But I'm afraid there's nothing I can do. I almost feel like she will have to go through this and for it to end badly before she realizes what a mistake she's making. It just breaks my heart.
