rppl I just caught up on your sitch ... you are handling yourself with grace
few things .. as far as the you getting out and being uncomfortable thing .. my IC recommended just that, like you I have 24 years with my WAW, lost my identity, so getting out into something that is not familiar and out of our comfort zone actually promotes our self worth and growth, its a good thing for us all todo and goes with the GAL movement.
The last post about sharing, sounds like a 180, and did not sound like you did a backslide or it was a negative exchange, in a backhanded way you show that you were not going to outburst creating an negative image of yourself but you do care enough about him that you refuse to show it in a way that is just not you .. seems like you can walk away from that exchange with a small positive from my perspective .... I am still learning all this DB stuff but just hang in there and stay positive!!
Hi rppfl, I agree with CaliGuy that it was probably not a DB fail but a 180 that you expressed your feelings about the SIL. That's just my 2 cents! Sounds like you are doing really well and are so strong! Hugs, Lisa B
Me: 34 H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 6/15/14 He moved out 6/30/14 OW1: EA then PA after BD Now he's dating multiple OWs I'm over it and moving on.
CaliGuy and Lisa thank you for the affirmations and support. I have been working on opening up and sharing my emotions to H more and this was big for me. In the past I swallowed everything and that apparently didn't work for either of us.
I look at my mom and dad and the stone cold marriage they've had for 60' years. No sharing of emotion, no affection whatsoever. But they would never consider divorce. I thought I had something so much better but took the no divorce part for granted. I wish someone would have sat me down and explained what a real marriage is all about 25 years ago.
Another journal without a lot to report: life goes on as usual, H home for family dinner, pleasant evening. He helped with the dorm room shopping, is keeping an eye on the bathroom remodel, no one would know there's trouble in paradise.
I have an appointment with a L today, just to understand the D process and if I need to do anything to protect myself at this point. H and I have agreed not to file during the upcoming 4-month separation, but then again, he's not exactly trustworthy these days. Much of my resistance to the separation is fear-related and I'm hoping the meeting with the L will help address that. She isn't cheap, but IMO it's an investment in my mental health.
We'll appt with L was a bust. When I got there L was not in the office, I was not on the calendar, and the assistant I had spoken to had been fired. I know things happen but this was very annoying. I am waiting to see what happens tomorrow before I reschedule or look for someone else.
D11 texted H to ask what time he'd be home. His reply was "sometime between now and tomorrow morning". That had better be a joke.
MLP, turns out he got home fairly early for him by 7:30pm I'm pretty sure the text to D11 was a joke, the only other possibility is that he knew she'd tell me about it, but that's mindreading.
I have been thinking about some of the wisdom given out by former WAS on this board, that they felt unappreciated for years before walking out. I try to apply this to H, and then compare that to how exhausted I am after only four months of this (since BD). I don't know that I have it in me to fight for years.
I'm pretty sure H was apartment shopping on his ipad last night while we were watching tv with D. He made a comment about a friend of our whose house was still on the market after a couple of years. How would he know that if he wasn't looking at listings? I thought that was disrespectful to do that in front of D11, but as she didn't know I didn't say anything. I suppose it's no more disrespectful than asking me - twice - what kind of apartment he should get.
I know what you mean about not being sure you have the fight in you for years. I've been there. But, then when I consider the alternatives, I find that there's a little deeper to dig....
The road is long....(What is that cheesy song from the 70s? Now that's going to bother me!..."From which there is no return...." Oh boy.)
Anyway - for me, I've found a lot of solace in faith recently. YMMV, but it's been really good for me. Maybe it's just helped me detach more. Not sure.
You hit two of them today so you win a prize here.