I thought maybe I was on moderation again...since I haven't been on for so long. My apologies. I am not demanding...just looking for advice. Don't have too many people to ask in my circle.
I would love for it to be something else but the reason I came to the conclusion is because it is all too familiar.
He was back at the bar where the OW works and she was working that night AND he was drunk with no wedding ring on. Sitting with a group of people. She was working. He never came home that night. I am sure because I went into the bar...but in my mind I had to. Otherwise he would have lied his way out of it.
I don't want to be D but i will not tolerate another A. I do have an appt with L coming up soon. I will file. This adds to some of the urgency. I asked him to come up with a really good plan or its done. If he can't or won't put that effort in then why should I bother two times around.
My question is...what is considered a good enough "plan" ??
He finally had an adult conversation with me last night. Up until this point it has been him being very defensive and now it came out that he was mad I walked into the bar. Anyway...he said he went in there because there was beer. More beer. Because he was already drinking before he went in there. He claims it has nothing to do with Ow. I really don't think so either. I did ask what were you thinking to really risk it all by walking in there. He wasn't thinking he said.
Are there NO other bars he can go to? I mean seriously, he has to go to the ONE bar that OW is at? There is NO way he wasn't thinking about that. I don't buy it.
I waited ten days for a reply..just saying I am not being pushy here on the board. But I could use advice now. Anyway, I see a lawyer tomorrow and I am filing. I am also moving out in October. I know I shouldn't be the one to leave as he has caused this crap but I also am not staying here alone. It is too much house and yard for me to keep up. Also he never has left only days here and there either coming home very late drunk and obnoxious or not coming home at all. I don't H thinks I am going to do it. He asked me yesterday morning to cancel the appt with lawyer and then just left for work. Funny thing he never came home last night..must not want to R that bad.?! Right?? So help me out here...do I push the D through fast as this is my second time dealing with H having an A or just move out and get the paper work going and see what happens. Thank you
Try to imagine about how you might feel in a year or 2 years if you push through the D fast? Would you think that you made a mistake by rushing into it?
Where I live you cant even file for a D until you have been separated for 1 year which I think is great because it avoids the D out of initial anger. If your H has asked to cancel the app then that sounds to me like he doesn't want to D. Maybe he didn't come back so to give you some space to think?
My personal opinion is not to push through a D fast. I wouldn't even file anything right now.
"do I push the D through fast as this is my second time dealing with H having an A or just move out and get the paper work going and see what happens."
No one can tell you what the right thing to do is but you. You are the one who has to live with the consequences and you're afraid. I get that. Right now you've threatened your H repeatedly and he kept breaking your boundaries.
Threats don't do any good unless their followed through.
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
