I agree with Bond. You are the one that needs to answer that question. You could also consider moving out, having zero contact until he's really ready to work on R, and not filing until you feel like you can't wait any longer. If you do that, you'd need to really work on detachment. You would need to be very detached so that if he did come groveling back, you would be independent and clear-headed enough to evaluate if he is spewing more lies or seems like he really wants to work on R. If you leave but are obsessively thinking about him, you will be prone to believe anything he says to get you back.
But if you truly don't want to wait on him any longer already, don't string yourself along. Either way, you need to be detached in order to make the best decisions for yourself.
Me 38, WAW 30 D11 (former marriage) S2 T 8 years M 3 years BD 8/20/23 S 8/20/23
I am following through and the paperwork is started. H said to me now that there is no use because he asked me not to go to L and I did so now we have to proceed.. That sounds like someone who doesn't want to do the work. When he did say he didn't want a D I asked him what he was willing to do so it doesn't happen again. He said he would rather "gouge out his eyes than go to counseling"
So you really think this M can be saved. I worked my butt off 4 yrs ago and DB'd to my best. Hes been home for 3 and here he goes again. Can someone really change when they have cheated twice?
What your H said was calculated to manipulate and punish. No, going to an L does not create necessity to proceed. You did not cause this.
Your M can't be saved if your H would rather gouge his eyes out.
People can only change if they want to change and are willing to do the work. Unfortunately they can't be changed by anyone else, just themselves.
Hugs. Do work on detachment. You can love him while still not allowing him to mistreat you.
Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
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Roberta, Resource Coordinator The Divorce Busting Center 303-444-7004 Roberta@divorcebusting.com
