My H was asked by a co-worker to preside over his wedding. So, he's joined the Universal Life Church, sent them $40 and was made a monk. (Seriously.) The date of the wedding - the anniversary of bomb drop. How do you like THEM apples?
H is not terribly religious, although he was raised in a church and sang in the church choir throughout his youth. I think he's going through a typical MLC cycle of dismissing God. Tricky for me, since my grandfather was a minister and married us and baptized us. I think H finds my faith a little rattling to him, particularly now.
I did get a little gift today though...One of his co-workers is pretty evangelical, and a really great guy. He recommended a movie called "God is not Dead" to H, and H was saying that we should watch it as a family. I truly felt as this was a little gift from an angel telling me not to give up.
Dunno if you've taken on the Hedge of Thorns prayer..Since you're a Christian I thought I'd throw it out there. I've found some solace in scripture and in that prayer. Just a thought - I know it's not for everyone.
I agree - looking at things from a new perspective can be helpful. As far as journaling more about your kids - maybe that means your detachment is going well! This process takes a LONG time....Would you still be fighting for this man without the kids? It's hard to know...but maybe!
MLP, that is just lovely. Performing a wedding for someone else while walking away from your own. Nice.
I was not familiar with the Hedge of Thorns prayer, so I looked it up. It makes a lot of sense to me. I was using the "Circle Maker" before, but I like the idea of the circle being made of thorns!
H is returning today from dropping S18 at college, so last night was just me and the girls at home. Quiet and uneventful. H and I texted a bit about the dorm room, he sent some pictures. All kid stuff.
Yeah - he would say that he's not walking away from his own. He's still here! He's just had/has a piece on the side!!! Marriage vows are for MOST people, but not necessary for him.
Nauseating and crazy.
I'll look up the Circle Maker--it's good to have a variety, I guess.
H and I just had this email exchange about Labor Day weekend when I will be with D16 at a sports tournament:
Me: Are you available for D11 to stay with you, or should I take her to (tournament)?
H: I don't have anything planned other than maybe looking at some housing options. I can tell her I'm going to Home Depot, and she won't have any interest in going!
Me: If you are comfortable with that, then she can stay. Obviously, she cannot go apartment shopping with you, so if you think that her being around is going to hamper your efforts significantly, she can go with me. So let's say for now that she will stay with you, and if you decide later it's going to be a problem, let me know.
That's the most information I've had about his moving out in weeks. Originally he had said that he would be moving September 1st, so I guess he didn't make that deadline. That's good, I was worried about it being so close to the start of school. Of course now we are going to be pushing towards D11's birthday in October. Guess there's always something.
Just journaling again, nothing new to report really. H got back in town from taking S18 to college, then told me he had dinner with "folks" and would "be home late". As it turns out, he was home by 10, late enough, but not 3am. My kids are starting to notice his vagueness, especially the 16-year old. I am not going to lie for him, if she asks the right question, the gig is up.
I've also made a promise not to lie to the kids for him.
My D asked me directly if daddy had had an affair. I said yes.
We had a chat about MLC.
She has not talked to him about it, but is very angry towards him these days. He worked from home yesterday afternoon and when he came in she said, "What is HE doing here?"
My D16 has some very strong feelings about adultery. She has said on several occasions that if you want to break up with someone, fine, but don't cheat on them. For any reason. Ever. You always have the option of getting out first.
These conversations have happened over the years and have always surprised me she feels so strongly about it. I have no idea how she will react to her dad. I don't know if she will be angry at him for doing it or mad at me for putting up with it for four months now, or both.
I've talked to her at length about MLC. She gets it. She also understands that I haven't wanted to upend the family, and has told me she thinks I'm very strong.
But, I think she wishes I'd been able to stop it. Me, too, honey bunny. Me, too.
Hi Rppfl, I am reading DB just now and only wish I'd read it last year. When my h told me he was leaving he already had a place lined up which he moved into 3 months later. In those 3 months I showed him the worst of myself - I was moody, withdrawn, whiney, sullen and tearful, no wonder he couldn't wait to leave to go to ow. I wish I'd shown him then more of the person I want to be - I could have GAL, been more upbeat and just basically been nicer to him. It might not have made any difference, but maybe could have ignited a spark of how good things could be between us again.
Your h has told you he is leaving but he is still there. It could be that there is still a lot of doubts in his mind. You still have time to show him you are the woman only a fool would leave.
Also, my kids hate what their Dad has done. He told them he was leaving because we hadn't been getting along for a while, when they found out about the ow they were furious. They still have not visited him at his home or been anywhere with him. I think he's just hoping that given time they will come round to respecting his decision.
That's if he doesn't realise he's made a HUGE mistake and come home (still trying to think positively!)
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
