Yes - without kids (at least, non-adult ones) it feels different because there aren't opportunities for conversation, connection,to show what we've changed,etc. H and I periodically email or text about bills or things like that but those go something like "I'm forwarding you the water bill, below" and he replies "OK, thanks." And that's it. I really don't want to be in a situation like your X's parents where you're in limbo for so long, but I wonder where the line is between where we are, and where they are? My H's parent situation is also interesting and I wonder how that influences him. MIL has essentially told me they are just married for convenience, and that when the kids were younger she had actually approached her pastor about D and pastor said "God wants you to be married for a reason." She said he is a good grandfather (not a good father) so maybe that's the reason? MIL, SIL,and H have even had conversations in front of me about how they hoped his smoking/drinking would kill him sooner rather than later so MIL could potentially meet someone new. They are only married because divorce is "bad." H had told me around BD that he didn't want to end up like his parents so that's why he had to do this... I still don't see what about us reminded him of his parents, but maybe any M would stress him out/make him feel that way regardless of how good or bad it was.
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
Well, there's no doubt it has *some* influence, even if it's absurd. In my X's case, it almost amuses me, because he goes out of his way to ensure he is nothing like his dad, yet he is JUST like him in this particular way. If I pointed that out though, it would just infuriate him.
In terms of my X's parents, it's not a good situation. The limbo went on far, far too long, and now that it's no longer limbo, it's just one of those things where I think mentally no one can move on until there is a line drawn (i.e. divorce).
It's funny that you mention about bills, etc. I know I am getting mail where my ex lives, yet he never tells me about it or forwards it to me. That's irritating.
Well, tomorrow is my ex's bday. As I mentioned before, I will be writing him an email - DB or no DB. I would feel awful if I didn't.
It seems to me that this two months of NC has done nothing. It hasn't caused him to reach out.. although it may/may not have caused him to think. I wouldn't know. But either way, I may have to reassess what I am doing. I may need to go back to the friendly emails, simply because at least that keeps the contact open.
A quick question, though. I still have a bunch of things with him. To him, they may seem pretty trivial, and they mostly are - books and such. But there is one thing that is very meaningful to me, but HE wouldn't know it. (To him, it's just a magazine, but to me, it's a magazine that mentioned my first business. He might guess, but probably not..) Anyway, I can't afford to have these things shipped to my country right now but I don't want him to throw it all out.. I don't *think* he would but you never know. Should I mention this stuff?
I sent the bday email, as I said I would. Made it light and friendly, didn't ask any questions or put in anything that *needed* a reply. I gave a very basic update on what I've been doing, simply because this is the only way I can show that I am GALing. I gave subtle hints at social activities, but didn't explain anything in detail.
Of course he hasn't replied. That angers me, simply because I think if someone says happy bday, you say thank you. You don't wait three weeks because if you email too soon they'll think you want them back. It almost amuses me that he still thinks I'm SO desperate to have him back that he has to hold out. I am very much over the game play. I want the "thank you" email NOW so I can go back to NC and stop being so anxious. After all that time of NC, it made me realise how anxious I am when we are not-NC.
With that said, I have hit a rough patch emotionally. I had some sort of seizure/lapse of consciousness on Sunday, which I've never hard and was hugely scary. Had blood tests, waiting on results. All of this, alone. Days like these make me realise how alone I am.
And this coming weekend it will be one year since BD. It feels surreal. I don't even know what my feelings for H are right now. I just know that I'm sick of thinking about it. And trust me, I try very hard to distract myself.. but sometimes the feelings just pop up when you least expect them to. I look forward to the day that they fade slowly away..
Thanks, Maybell. I just need to mope this week. I'll get through it, I know that. I never thought I could get through what I've been through in the last year, so at least now I know I can.
Hey, Vossy. Just catching up on your sitch. I recall coming across it a while ago but didn't pick up on the fact that we might be neighbours. Sorry to hear about your recent health scare. Hope all is ok there? Feel free to reach out by private means (if there is a way to do that here?) if you need more local support. It's scary to be alone when these things happen.
H 37 Me 36 Together 15 years Married 5 years No kids BD Apr 2014 H moved out 2 Jun 2014
Thanks ganb8te! I actually kept my geographical location fairly quiet, simply because I think I put WAY too much info in my very first post and I don't ever want to be identified by anyone. But you and I actually have a LOT in common.. unfortunately I don't think these boards allow private communication OR the swapping of personal details??? Someone correct me if I'm wrong..
As for my health scare, who knows what happened.. I get the blood test results tomorrow I think. I'm not that nervous though, although maybe I should be!
