I managed to copy most of the books and authors. Don't have what the posters recommended them for, but here's a start!
Love at midlife- Richard a. Osing
Women in midlife crisis- Jim and Sally Conway
Loving solutions- Gary chapman
Winning your wife back before it's too late- Gary smalley
Renew your marriage at midlife- Steve Brody and Cathy Brody
Stop blaming start loving- bill o'hanlon and pat Hudson
Love must be tough- dr James Dobson
Grow up- dr frank Pittman
Private lies- dr frank Pittman
Love is letting go of fear- Gerald g. Jampolsky
How to heal a painful relationship- bill ferguson
How to win your lover back Love tactics More love tactics
After the affair-Janis spring
The lost art of listening- Michael Nichols
Nonviolent communication:a language of life- Marshall Rosenberg
Atsbaby M:36 H:35 T: 19 M:12 S:11 D:9 BD: 5/4/14 Proof of OW 8/13/14-love note from her 8/19 admits OW 8/22/14 files D w/o telling me 9/20/14 Says he wants to reconcile
Here are recommendations from a thread that I posted back in 2003 that are still good today:
Depression:
The Depression Source Book by Brian P. Quinn, C.S.W., Ph.D. Understanding Depression by Raymond DePaul, Jr., M.D. The Secret Strength of Depression by Frederic Flac I Don't Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression by Terrence Real Unmasking Male Depression by Archibald Hart The Pain Behind The Mask: Overcoming Masculine Depression by John Lynch, Christopher T. Kilmarting The Noonday Demon, An Atlas of Depression by Andrew Solomon Unholy Ghosts, Writers on Depression by Nell Casey Depression, Questions You Have...Answers You Need by Sandra Salmans
Personality Disorders:
I Hate You–Don't Leave Me: Understanding Borderline Personality by Jerold J. Kriesman, Hal Straus Stop Walking On Eggshells by Paul T. Mason Narcissism–Denial Of The True Self by Alexander Lowen, M.D. Narcissism and Character Transformation, The Psychology of Narcissistic Character Disorders by Nathan Schwartz-Salant Malignant Self Love, Narcissism Revisited by San Vaknin, Ph.D. Why Is It Always About You, Saving Yourself From the Narcissistic In Your Life by Sandy Hotchkiss, LCSW Living with the Passive Aggressive Man, Coping With Hidden Aggression–From The Bedroom to The Boardroom by Scott Wetzler, Ph.D. Nasty People: How To Stop Being Hurt By Them Without Becoming One of Them by Jay, Psy.D Carter Controlling People, How To Recognize, Understand, and Deal With People Who Try to Control You by Patricia Evans Stop Being Manipulated by George H. Green, Ph.D., Carolyn Cotter, MBA In Sheep's Clothing, Understanding And Dealing With Manipulative People by George K. Simon, Jr., Ph.D.
Mid-Life Subjects:
Men in Mid-Life Crisis by James Conway Your Husband's Mid-Life Crisis by Sally Conway Surviving Male Menopause, A Guide For Women and Men by Jed Diamond Male Menopause by Jed Diamond Understanding Men's Passages by Gail Sheehy
Abusive Subjects:
Allies in Healing, When The Person You Love Was Sexually Abused As A Child by Laura Davis Abused Boys, The Neglected Victims of Sexual Abuse by Mic Hunter Victims No Longer, Men Recovering From Incest And Other Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew
Miscellaneous Subjects:
When A Mate Wants Out, Secrets for Saving a Marriage by Jim and Sally Conway Moving On After He Moves Out by Jim and Sally Conway Love Must Be Tough, New Hope for Families In Crisis by Dr. James C. Dobson The Myth Of The Greener Grass, Affair-Proof Your Marriage, Restore Your Love, Recover Your Dreams by J. Allan Petersen Mars and Venus, The Languages of Love by John Gray, Ph.D. After the Affair: Healing The Pain and Rebuilding Trust When A Partner Has Been Unfaithful by Janis Abrahms, Phd Spring, Michael Spring What About The Big Stuff, Finding Strength and Moving Forward When The Stakes Are High by Richard Carlson, Ph.D. Divorce Busting by Michele Weiner-Davis Who Moved My Cheese by Spencer Johnson, M.D. Relationship Rescue by Phillip C. McGraw, Ph.D. Solo Partner by Phil Deluca
Additional suggestions from posters:
His Needs, Her Needs How to affair proof a marriage - by Dr. Harley (works for marriages that aren't in an adultery situation too.) How To Hug a Porcupine: Dealing with Toxic and Difficult to Love Personalities - Dr. John Lund The Case for Marriage- Linda Waite and Maggie Gallasker Avoiding Emotional Divorce - Dr. John Lund Hope for the Separated: Wounded marriages can be healed - Gary Chapman Marital Relationships Seminar - Douglas E. Brinley Why Men Don't Listen and Women Can't Read Maps - Barbara Pease Why Marriages Succeed of Fail: And How you can Make Your's Last - John M. Gottman When Men Batter Women: New Insites into Ending Abusive Relationships - John M. Gottman The Marriage Clinic: A Scientifically Based Marital Therapy - John M. Gottman Torn Asunder: Recovering from Extramarital Affairs, by Dave Carder Getting Back Together: How to Create a New Loving Relationship With Your Old Partner and Make It Last, by Masa Goetz "Sacred Contracts. Awakening your Divine Potential" by Caroline Myss "Anatomy of the Spirit" by Caroline Myss
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
^ Bumping this up. Please feel free to add additional reading material.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
^Bumping this up for the newbies. There are plenty of books on the lists that will help you better understand what is going on w/your spouses/partners. If you find additional books that are not listed on this thread, please feel free to add them.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I'm going to add Daring Greatly by Brene Brown onto the list. I think it is the best thing I have read recently and her TED talks are worth watching. She looks at how to overcome shame and allow ourselves to be vulnerable in order to live wholeheartedly.
I couldn't see Codependent No More by Mellodie Beattie on the list either - I'm reading that at the moment, and it's well worth a read if you want to explore the difference between codependent relationships and healthier, independent ones.
T 13 M 7 Me 48 H 46 SS 15 BD 7.14 PA D final 5.16 (H filed)
We receive & we lose, and must try to achieve gratitude & embrace with whole hearts whatever of life that remains after the losses - Dubus
For those who may have some good book recommendations, please post them here and I'll clean up the thread in the next month or so in order for us to have a good listing of books for future reference.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
"Transitions" by William Bridges Really is helping me understand the process of transition when a change is thrust upon you.
Me: 45 H: 47, M 23 yrs., T 27 yrs. S6 & S13 BD: 10/23/16 11/20/16: In-house Separation 12/5/16 H goes to IC , stops confiding in me 12/29/16: Start MC 2/4/17: Trial Separation/H moves out
Books that I have read and gotten value out of since bomb drop
The Journey from Abandonment to Healing - Susan Anderson (huge!) The Dance of Anger - Harriet Lerner The Dance of Intimacy - Harriet Lerner (sort of the same but also useful) It Takes one to Tango - wilfried riley how to improve your marriage without talking about it - Patricia Love The Science of Happiness - Stefan Klein Facing Love Addiction - Giving yourself the power to change the way you love by Pia Mellody (knocked me off my feet, wanted to slam it shut and never look at it again, who is inside my head so I read it three times in a row)
BD#1: "marriage is over" 9/14/2016 H in basement 24/7 with EX/OM BD#2: 3/20/2017 I plan to move out "soon" I LRT me: 42, H, 41, EX/OM, 37 D 10, Son 7 M to H = 20 years EX/OM moved in 10 years ago
