Thank you for your posting. However, it appears that you've visited the forum a few times to post comment, but have not posted your situation. How about posting and tell us about yourself and your situation?
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I believe my h is coming out of withdrawal, if not out. He has reached out to me, since I left and expressed remorse about two months ago. I am enlisting a therapist to bridge the gap as I am still hurt and quite frankly I have ptsd from his exist out of withdrawal. I had to leave as it was to emotionally tumultuous. They say when they exist they push. HE PUSHED.
Anyway, I am seeking information about this next step.
Hoping someone can help.
Why I think he is…he reached out to my family members and stared supporting my events, which is not like the angry man. The man I fell in love with would do that.
Not being specific in case, as this is an open forum on the net.
What is the next step(s)? What happens next. What should I do.
Hoping someone can help to with revealing information
What should you do? Continue as you have been. Be a friend, listen and not offer advice unless he asks for it. Do not be hasty and point fingers if he slips up or makes mistakes along the way. You are the lighthouse of safe haven, so be kind and gentle. He's going to be fragile for quite some time.
Also, I would continue to live my life and do the things that I enjoy. When he sees that you are not "expecting" him to be the old self, he will continue to reach out. One word of caution...the marriage you had is now dead and you just may get the opportunity to build a new one. Whatever changes you have made, you must continue on with them. There will be times that he will ask if you want him to just leave again, especially is something isn't going well...do not encourage him to leave. You want him to be drawn to you, i.e., just like a moth to a candle.
I will caution you...this final stage is the most difficult for us because we want them to hurry up and get over the crisis and come back home. Just as it took a long time for him to go into crisis, it will take just as long for them to recover and want to return home. You may discover that he has kept some of the habits he has developed during the crisis and others will return just like they were pre-crisis. Whatever the outcome...patience is the main ingredient in getting to the finish line.
Again, just be a friend, give him a safe place to land and do not be judgmental. He will know that he's got a lot of difficult/heavy work to do and it cannot be swept under the rug.
Good luck!
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
Thank you. I feel better. I had some space. With an impartial perspective I hope to build a bridge. As you said, no blaming. Hopefully create a safe space to Listen to him.
He appears to be facing huge consequences at work, like most. He doesn’t know I know. He is fighting. I am routing for him to win. Like most he checked out and made mistakes.
I will take your advice and patience will be my friend as I walk forward.
I desire to create a healthier and stronger friendship, relationship and marriage.
Try to remember to be patient and do not rush the process. He's got a lot to process and he needs to feel comfortable in his own skin again. He knows that he has a huge mountain to climb in order to win your trust and faith again.
Continue as you have been doing. I know you can do this. Just dig deeper for patience.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I will be be patient with him. I am very anxious as there are so many moving variables that he is dealing with. One happened this week. I know this is a process. I am doing my best. Maybe my anxiety is the end result. I need for focus on now.
Living in the past brings depression. Living in the future brings anxiety. Living in the present brings peace and calm.
Ground yourself in the present moment. Be in the present moment. Dig for patience and let the future unfold on its time.
You are correct, H is dealing with many variables. Mute your expectations and let him deal with them. He is still walking his path on his timeline.
H needs to rebuild that which he destroyed. It’s part of his healing. This is not some mean holding back on your part, rather an allowing (and encouraging) him to catch up to you. After all, you’ve grown and healed significantly in this time. Be a beacon. Let him decide and choose to catch up.
You are doing really well.
D
Feelings are fleeting. Be better, not bitter. Love the person, forgive the sin.
I understand what you said. My anxiety is through the roof as I have moving variables in my life too, the whole growth/healing and moving forward thing.
My hopes and plan is one day at a time. One moment at a time to live in the moment to ground me in the now. Working on breaking the cycle of thought.
I reached out to my h and he swung back. He was not receptive to us going to therapy. He wants is in control mode. He has some things of mine and wants us to meet. I know he is playing me as he didn’t mention certain things. He is trying to keep me on a string. I do not desire this. I am writing a short response that their must me an intermediary to sort it out. Is this the best way?
