Yes I have read DB and for some reason when she is in the major no communication funk she is in today I want to just engage. For the last couple of days I had seen some minor positives and for some reason today looks like she has taken 10 steps back. What I mean is over the last few days she has actually tried to communicate with me but today there has been no minor positives, just silence.....
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
maybe learn to be okay with silence. The one thing always worse than silence,
is having the person you are with, wishing you'd be silent.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
I think you are right. In the past many months when she is silent and I try to talk she tells me that she just wants silence. Most of the time it is when we are in the garage having a smoke and she is on her iPad.
Dealing with the silent treatment is one of my major issues that I have to come to grips with. In the past it has always made try to engage with terrible returns.
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
Yes. I plan to stop in the next few weeks as I get into my exercise program. My S have me a hard time yesterday after we worked out and I told him that I would do my best to pick a date in the next few weeks and stop.
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
Need some advice. I have asked this before but I am really do not know how to handle my upcoming 20th anniversary next Wen. (10/1). Should I just get a card and say something like "I appreciate all you have done for me, the kids and the business over the last 20 years, Love (Me)"
I am really confused with the 20th normally being one to celebrate.
The way my W is now, no matter what I do it will be wrong.
W-44,M-57 Married 20 D-17,S-13 W and I own our own business and work together.
Yes, my anniversary (22nd) is this Thursday, so I know the challenge of what you are facing with the anniversary. For me, my W and are separated 15 months so the only thing I am doing is sending her a card. I purposely found an activity for the night (cooking class) to occupy myself, without her.
I do not know if this would be helpful for you though. If you were already detached in your marriage, perhaps scheduling something that your W would really enjoy is a good idea. But given that your W is in an EA, and possibly MLC, perhaps the best thing is to detach, give her space, and make the day just like any other day. A simple card and nothing more. Good luck.
Thank you. I do not think planning anything will be good. I will just get a simple card and leave it at that.
You have children, correct? Isn't it true that IF God told you the ONLY way it'd be possible for you to have your children in your life, would be to go thru your marriage and this trouble, ALL over again, --
you'd do it all in a heartbeat?
Maybe say that^^
AND OR just send her a photo of them saying something that celebrates the undisputed good things in your marriage, i.e. your children.
POSSIBLE WORDING includes but is certainly NOT limited to my suggestions!
"It's still worth remembering",
"we did something right",
"I'll never regret the day we married, b/c without this anniversary, we wouldn't have these wonderful people in our lives".
"Thank you for having our children"...
"I'll always be grateful to you for these blessings" (insert photo of the kids)
"No matter where the road takes US, I'll always be thankful for THEM", etc.
I DO think it's odd to ignore such a big anniversary and particularly when you have children. IF nothing else, you'll make THEM feel better...
FYI, my h sent me flowers and a perfunctory card on our 24th, so for our 25th, I went to Italy and took our 3 kids. That's the trip I had dreamed WE would take ourselves...
Best trip I ever took - and it really did help ME and the kids to know WE were going to be fine, regardless.
Come to find out, it bugged the heck out of h that he could not reach us when HE wanted to....(yeah well, I know the feeling)
but it was pivotal within me, and perhaps within HIM b/c we did seem to get along more after the trip.
I probably resented him less and he probably took me/us for granted Less.
Anyhow, good luck!
PS what about being totally open and saying
"I know we are in a very rough patch, and we may not be together forever. But I know one thing that is forever, is my love for our children and my gratitude to you for bringing them into the world. Thank you".
Last edited by 25yearsmlc; 09/24/1402:46 AM.
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
"TWO things that ARE forever, my/our love for our children, and my gratitude to you for bringing them into our world. Thank you."
M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
