I wouldn't have done it for the "so I can't check the phone/text logs" reason (I would have instead told myself to suck it up, or I would have asked a trusted 3rd party to keep an eye on the intel for me and notify me only if there was some immediate threat to me, my family or my finances) . . . but I definitely would have cut it off. I would have -- and DID -- do it for the "I have decided that I'm no longer willing to pay for anything you use to conduct your affair, or to run away from our marriage" reason.
Starsky, I'm replying from another thread. It is now locked and I am short on time. Yes I have a L. We are doing a dissolution together through 1 L. Spouses determine how everything is split, parenting time and CS. She is paying that L. However my occupation has allowed me to get to know a really good L . He has offered any assistance I may need and I'm going to have him look over the separation agreement and the dissolution.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
Also, walkaway and wayward wives need to learn to put on their BGPs if they want to leave the marriage.
Love this! Why, yes they do!!!
Quote:
Arcola, as a woman I will honestly say that a sappy, needy, pursuing, clingy man is a HUGE turn off. You're emasculating yourself.
I know this is true. But you ladies love us to be in hot pursuit when we first meet you. That's how I "caught" my wife. The sappy, needy, clingy kills it though.
Quote:
Let her problems be her problems.
This here is the right answer. I need to do it in my life as well.
Stand firm.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Also, I suppose I'm not completely right in my approach, but as one technique mentioned by Wise Dber's "letting her go." I just somehow someway need to detach.
Me:30 W:34 M:8 T:9 D:9 D:4 D:3 S:4 S:1 D bomb: 8/2014 S 12/2014 PA Confirmed in 3/2015 if I recall correctly
Ah yes, I remember that article now. I have a hard time with some of the DB advice because it decidedly did not work for me and frankly felt wrong from the beginning. Ultimately I did reconcile with my now H and it certainly was not because I was his friend while he was cheating on me.
Yes, detachment is your friend. It is imperative. Have you read this article ? It really helped me understand the how and why of detachment.
In my experience, my BF was willing to live in the basement and continue his A with OW while I was upstairs, miserable. Things did not turn around for me until I realized that I deserved better and acted accordingly. I packed a bag for him, took his house key off his key ring, and told him to GTFO. When he moved his stuff out I certainly wasn't home and didn't help him move a single thing. He wanted out so it was his responsibility to make that happen. I wasn't rude or mean, I simply wasn't available to him anymore.
If you love somebody, set them free. http://tinyurl.com/2empx2g
Also, I suppose I'm not completely right in my approach, but as one technique mentioned by Wise Dber's "letting her go." I just somehow someway need to detach.
If I ever get to meet MWD, I would love to ask her about that article. Because it doesn't seem to match ANY of the other concepts in her books; it's almost as if someone else wrote it.
DBing has always had the mantra "Do what works," and "try different things, and monitor results." I have NEVER seen the approach in that article work when there is an active, unrepentant affair going on. And I've been here 10 years and nearly 25,000 posts now.
