You know, it's bad enough when something unexpected comes along and messes everything up, but it's far worse when perceived troubles come along that I create in my own head. Thanks for talking me down last night I don't know what came over me. Dumb. I need all of this to happen so we can get closer to a solution, anyway.
Starsky, you are correct this is very childish. Several years ago we had some sort of fight or disagreement and she got mad and "un-friended" me and changed the R status, (Dang, I just used an acronym) and I remember thinking and telling her at the time how high school-ish and immature that seemed. Should not have been surprised at all.
I was talking to my sponsor last night after our bible study meeting and he pointed out a few things that, in the middle of my fog, I missed. He said: "Keep doing whatever it is your doing because you've been pulling back and she obviously noticed. The FB thing, while stupid, was an attempt to get your attention and get you to react." Which I did both. He also reminded me of the Prodigal Son and that the father had given the son his freedom to do as he chose and then the father did not follow or chase after, instead he stayed home and got back to daily life. All things I intellectually know just needed someone else to say it.
He told me 2 weeks ago to Facebook fast. You guys have been telling me since I got here to get away or seriously limit FB. Wonder when I'm going to listen and do it. Hmm think I just identified another problem I cause in my marriage.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
It is precisely that reactivity that I was "oh jeezus"ing about. It wasn't some sort of huge DB mistake, it was just a huge sign to your wife of "SEE? YOU CAN GET A RISE OUT OF ME!!"
It is precisely that reactivity that I was "oh jeezus"ing about. It wasn't some sort of huge DB mistake, it was just a huge sign to your wife of "SEE? YOU CAN GET A RISE OUT OF ME!!"
Yup, she did just that. Not going to let that happen again.
Letting go of the rope.
Last edited by Jefe; 10/04/1403:25 PM.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Wife is over here today to do laundry and pick up girls for a bit. Having a hard time detaching. Feeling agitated over some intel that I discovered last night but not wanting to "use" the information yet. I need to just put on a smile and and detach, detach, detach.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Hey Jefe - Feeling for you man. I've found that when my WAW is around and acting civil that in a strange way I feel comforted by her presence. Then I drive home and cry my eyeballs out because of this nightmare we have created. I've had a rough week with all of this and felt like a zombie to much of the time. Being in the middle of the legal aspects really drags your heart down.
I think the others are correct that she's trying to tweak you by updating her status. Sounds like she wants attention from you or someone else. Don't bite. Don't use the intel you have either cause I guarantee she will just justify and blame it on you anyway. Who needs that? Find something else to replace what you normally do on FB. I think so much of this process is just about filling the empty places.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
"I've found that when my WAW is around and acting civil that in a strange way I feel comforted by her presence. Then I drive home and cry my eyeballs out because of this nightmare we have created."
I'm so sorry for your struggles this week, FD. All I can say is that I relate. I just had my a** handed to me this weekend with non-marital stuff. The enemy is working hard on my family. I will be doing some thoughtful and deliberate prayer time this evening, and you my friend most certainly will be included.
"Sounds like she wants attention from you or someone else. Don't bite. Don't use the intel you have either cause I guarantee she will just justify and blame it on you anyway."
It's the someone else that goads me, but I'll live. No joke on the intel. It will only serve to widen the chasm between us and reset the clock. My tongue is bleeding from biting it.
"Find something else to replace what you normally do on FB. I think so much of this process is just about filling the empty places."
I think you're right. There are just some empty space that can't be filled. Tired of crying, I am. And out of nowhere to, sometimes.
Interestingly,, our series in church that started last Sunday and will go for the next couple is about the Prodigal Son. Today's message hit home, hard. The series just prior , right after we separated, was In The Furnace. God's at work here for sure. Hard to be patient sometimes. I want it in my time, He's going to do it in His.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
When my W moved out, there was a series airing on AFR about Job. It was a real encouragement. Then at my church a series on broken vessels was started, which was also great. It's so good to see God get us what we need, when we need it. That's why hope and faith are so important as is resisting the temptation to let our mind race with FUDD.
Me:40 W:39 M:Dec 95 Split: Jul 14 W Filed: 9/16/14 Several Children (including adopted)
God is great like that. Always moving in our lives, even when we don't see it.
FUDD? That's a new one on me.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Wife just left here after dropping the girls off. I found it a bit humorous while she was here the amount of anger and dissatisfaction she displayed towards me all while I just smiled and made nice. Nothing I did was good enough or pleased her. Oh well. She couldn't leave fast enough and sped off rather abruptly and nothing negative was said on my part. The last thing she said was "Well, I've got to go, it's pool night and stuff" To which I pleasantly said, that's right, it sure is. As I thought to myself how agitated she sounded about it. Too bad. It's supposed to be her hobby she enjoys. 1foot2 mentioned in a post recently about how the slightest bit of "control" that you once had as a spouse will set them off quickly. Yes it will, glad I steered clear today. Lost and lots of communication from her by phone and text the last several days as I continue to remain as dim as possible. I still get on my FB sometimes but I don't post a single thing and I stay away from her. Feeling sad but empowered.
"FUDD = Fear, Uncertainty, Doubt, & Disbelief"
Ah, Nice. I feel dumb now.
Last edited by Jefe; 10/06/1411:01 PM.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
