Thanks Wonka. I've been trying to get my mother to DB my sister for more than a year with no success. However the more destructive and nasty my sister gets the closer my mother moves towards making some real hard decisions. The stress has been brutal on my mom, in fact yesterday morning I had to take her to an urgent care center because she has developed a full blown case of shingles. The doctor pretty much told her while it is common amongst the elderly, it can be triggered by intense periods of stress. I actually had them about 30 years ago. Anyway, she is miserable with the itching and pain even on some pretty good meds. She is supposed to return home to Florida on Thursday. Not sure if she will be ready to fly then or not.
My sister continues her destructive ways. Because she is angry with my mother (for what I have no idea) she took all of the wind chimes that my mother has either collected or been given as gifts (one that she really cherished was a gift from her sister) and cut them up and threw them in the pool. The creepy crawler pool cleaner sucked some of them up and as a result was broken which will require repair. I haven't had the heart to tell my mom this yet because she is frankly too fragile to hear about any more drama at this point.
Then, yesterday she informs my other sister that she had the guy who she accused of raping her a few days ago come over to the house and had sex with him. Ugghhh. She has become a pathological liar and basket case.
Maybe you can have her committed. She is certainly being a psycho witch.
I am so sorry you mom is going through this. How horrible to be held hostage by her own child. I would think your mom would realize that it is time for some very tough love.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
I was thinking the same thing. Maybe it would be in everyone's best interest if you both talked to her dr about having her committed. Not an easy thing to do but she is on a path of destruction. She is likely to get hurt but your Mom is also really in harm's way.
I think you need to support your Mom in this decision.
Thinking of you and hoping it all works out for the best.
We have tried several times to get her committed. She has been Bakered Acted when means she is admitted for a mandatory 72 hour period where they evaluate. All that has ever happened is that she sobers up and then talks her way out of the facility at the end of the 72 hours. To keep her long than that she has to agree to stay and she won't.
At least this weekend my mother made the decision that she is selling her home and will move from Florida back to Michigan where she lived with my father for more than 30 years. She would rather stay in her home but realizes that at this point it's not an option. She will offer my sister 2 months of paid in residence treatment at a rehabilitation facility after she sells the house. If she refuses then she is on her own to find someplace to live.
Mom is still having a miserable time with this shingles outbreak as well. She flies back to Florida on Thursday.
Hugs to you and your mom, BA. I hope her move goes well and she can reacquaint herself with friends in Michigan.
Josh's mom is losing her battle with cancer. He sounded so down last night. He just flew to Quebec once more and said he thinks he just saw her for the last time.
Sigh…
We are the sandwich generation. Some of us are caregivers on both ends.
So stressful! Shingles too...wow. I person can be committed short term if they are deemed to be a danger to themselves or others...I'm not sure drunken or bizarre behaviour would be considered such. What powers do the police have in these situations? Here a person can be taken in without the police witnessing the act but on the word of others...not sure about your neck of the woods. When brought to the hospital a psychiatrist will make the decision whether to Form the person or not. You might want to check with the police re what is the law in her area.
Hope your mom is doing okay this week/weekend. Shingles is nasty-I got them 2 years ago, and they were incredibly painful. Putting on clothes literally hurt my skin. I'm so sorry.
Before I start on my update, I'm pouring you a virtual glass of single malt. I think we both deserve it. Misery loves company, especially with drug addicted siblings. And yes, I've got a new one to add in that department as well. My week has been so topsy turvy. But before I do...
Last weekend in NY was fun and very quick. The weather up in Potsdam was crappy and cold, and it rained most of the time. But my family of crazy people fared well. We ate well and a lot, had a few drinks as well, watched some good volleyball (my D20 won MVP of the tournament), and I got to spend QT with said family and D20's friends and BF. D17, Mr. Wonderful and I traveled together and I'm happy to report that we had a good time. My dad and Mr. Wonderful have remained very close, and for that, I'm glad. His dad is really moody and doesn't treat him like a valued son. Mine does. Go figure.
So, last Tuesday, my 46 year old lifelong drug addicted brother wasn't feeling well and his doctor admitted him to the hospital for testing. The heart arrythmia was pretty severe. While my folks were with me, he had a CT scan and to make the long story short, his heart is shot and he had valve replacement and heart repair surgery on Monday. He'll be in the hospital for awhile, and his status is critical. He's improving, but the cardiac surgeon has warned my folks that they should manage their expectations, because he's nowhere near being out of the woods.
In the meantime, we went under contract for the estate house right before I left. In the middle of all of this is me dealing with my insurance company to deal with the fallout from the September 29th hail storm. It did a LOT of damage to my house. Right now, the total estimate is up to $29K and climbing. And in the middle of all of this is working on my work and fun schedule for my upcoming trip to NYC next week.
One of my big clients cancelled on me, so I'm keeping one appointment, cancelled the rest, and am making an emergency trip to VA to see my brother. So BA, I will be there less than 24 hours. I'll probably be back for a longer period of time in the near future, and will let you know for the real glass of single malt.
This week has been extraordinarily stressful. Thank goodness the Broncos have won twice. The inspection resulted in a punch list of big things that must be corrected, so I've been contacting electricians, garage door people and I'm using the same roofer as the one that is replacing mine. I feel like a walking, talking, breathing to-do list. And in the middle I juggle work (yes, I still actually work), D17's activities, dental appointments, and the occasional call from D20 to talk to me about her potential internship in Lancaster, PA, next summer. I really feel like I'm on auto pilot and not living very authentically at the moment. It's survival mode. However, I think that things will calm down considerably when I get back from NY. Unless my brother's condition worsens. That could just make it a lot worse.
Even my mom told me, "I think he'd be really happy to see you, but I don't want you any more stressed than you already are. Please do the right thing." Since my mom is one to usually promote the obvious, it was a loud statement I heard. Still, I'm making the trip - not so much for my brother, but because I love the rest of my family that much, and it makes them happy.
And BA, when my brother gets out of the hospital, he needs a place to live. It's going to be my parents who put him up. That's going to create a lot of problems down the road if he doesn't stay clean. Because as much as my sister and I love them, we won't visit if he's using and there. He's burned the back end of their house down before.
So my best to your mom and you, and a toast to more stable events VERY SOON!
Now, back to work. That pesky thing that keeps money in the bank. And I have a new client proposal to do, which makes me happy. Hope everyone has a good weekend.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
You might want to check with the police re what is the law in her area.
Wii, we Americans put a lot of faith in liberty and the ability to make decisions for ourselves. And as you might guess, it puts a lot of burden on society when people who are not clearly thinking well or making good decisions are allowed to run free. We have what is called a 5150 hold. It allows you to have them hauled into a mental health facility for observation if they are show harm to others and/or themselves. And then you have to go to court to petition for a longer hold and possibly conservatorship. It's not often granted, especially if the other person doesn't want to be there.
We have a case here of a 23 year old kid whose divorced parents tried for years to have him committed, with no success. He's currently standing trial for murdering and dismembering his mother. He actually crashed her car (with her severed body parts in the car) into a wall about 1/4 mile from me. His dad has been very vocal about the lack of help out there, especially since he and the mom told the courts that he *was* a danger to himself and others. Sigh.
I hope this is something that can be more individualized in the near future. I wouldn't want the blanket ability to commit someone, but the ability to do so if there is sufficient cause. It's sad.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Bets - First of all I'm very sorry about your brother and I hope he has a full and speedy recovery and stays clean. I too have told my mother that as long as my sister is in the house I will not be staying there.
Of course any trips back to VA will earn you a dram (or 2, or 3...) of Scotch - I think you know how to get ahold of me.
You are spot on regarding the laws of putting people in a mental facility. We are completely exasperated with the system her and have voiced some of the same concerns as the family did in the case you mentioned. We have had no success other than getting her put in to a facility for 72 hours, long enough for her to sober up and then they simply release her because she will not stay in for treatment. She is now out again and immediately back on the bottle. We are proceeding with a bit of more tougher approach this time via the Marchman Act which will put her in for 5 days with evaluation and then a court hearing to get her committed for longer. I'm not hopeful of the outcome but at least it gets her out of my Mom's house for another 5 days.
The whole thing is taking such a toll on my Mother.
Change her locks. Nothing says she has to live there. I would think she needs to feel rock bottom before she has any thoughts of getting her act together. I know it is hard.
Thinking of you . Kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
