Was. Does she want to come home ?

[rd500]

Hi Sandi. Great advice and clears up a few things I'm sure we all think our witch is unique but my W seems to be a little unusual in that she seems to be doing everything wrong (for her). She seems to be near rock bottom and it's hard to watch. I accept all I have done and am trying daily to improve. I am doing this now because I accept that W is not in love anymore (hate it but accept it) my kids are taking her leaving very hard and she seems to be making bad decision after bad decision I realise that's her choice but it's hard to watch I have detached to the point where she is asking me about girlfriends ? Mad. I am venting now but I have a few questions that I will post shortly. Thanks again

[Cadet]

She seems to be near rock bottom and it's hard to watch.

Yes hard to watch but it may NOT be rock bottom.
Or she may hit and bounce off.

Best thing is to not watch and try to predict.
It really is a waste of time.

[rd500]

Thanks Cadet. As I say nonstop crying , anger and general upset , it's hard to take Seems a certain creek with the loss of a paddle spring to mind. Thanks for posting

[Ahoy]

rd, thank you for your kind post on my thread. It really means a lot.

As for your situation, I'm sure your WAW is having second thoughts, but just carry on with what you're doing, because it's working. You're doing an amazing job taking care of you and the kids, and she is starting to get a taste of what life will be like without that. Perhaps it will jolt her into wanting to come back. But please be careful if she suggests moving back. You'll want to take things very slowly to make sure that she's coming back for the right reasons (for you, not for her convenience, or her sadness about the kids). I worry a bit about her mental state. She sounds very confused. Just keep shining your beacon bright. Be a guiding light to all around you. Know that you're awesome. Carry on.

[rd500]

Thanks Ahoy. As usual wise words. As for my post it's nothing but the truth I'm sure you an see from all the posts when you were gone I am not alone in my opinion. Take care and nothing but positives thoughts re your health and you M

Take care

[sandi2]

Your WAW is not that unusual at all. Part of the problem is how they make wrong decisions and then cry about it to the one who left broken hearted.

Yes, I'm sure it is painful to watch, but she needs to know you will not enable her to pursue a life apart from you and the children.

[Mozza]

She carried on for about twenty mins telling me that I had not changed and I was fooling everyone into thinking I had.

To me, this is the best part. If you've really changed, it throws a wrench into her plans and idea of the M. She goes on for a while and refers to other people validating your changes because these are the things getting in her head. Now what really matters is that you know you've really changed. You'll need it if you really want this M to work in the long run. We should be less focused on their return and more on creating a functioning marriage. It would give us more patience, perspective and will.

[rd500]

Thanks mozza. Thanks for your post. Thing is it's the I/c who is confirming the changes Also she is gone 3 weeks and the house and the kids are all still standing. The kids are having proper dinners every nite , and even she said my roasts are the best she's had the house is clean and all carrying on as normal. It's not a case of me fooling anyone it's there for all to see As I posted before I/c is convinced W is not in an EA or PA and if that is the case ( which I am unsure).it must be hard very difficult for her to accept her leaving has not brought the world to an end I believe M is over but continue to stand as I have to try all avenues for kids me and W.

[rd500]

Sandi. Thanks for posting. I read you early posts over lunch and you had great strength to seek help even though you were in your fog. From my recent experiance this is not common and the WAS does not seek help. You are a very strong person


Re me, my W seems lost , etc and although help has been offered help she said she has had enough advice from I/c parents etc. and I think this is the big difference in her sitch compared to yours. I believe my W would like to come home but sees it as not possible and my Dbing is reinforcing that. I know she does not want to comeback to the M but is obviously missing the benefits of the M. I have read a lot of posts on here and the success rate seems low Again thanks is for posting

[sandi2]

Well thank you for those kind words.

I believe my W would like to come home but sees it as not possible and my Dbing is reinforcing that.

How do you see DBing reinforcing it? What would your other options be, if you were not DBing?