Was. Does she want to come home ?

[sandi2]

She also told me she did not feel like playing with the kids anymore and she hope moving out would make her miss them.

She really is in a bad place. It's not uncommon to hear a WAW say that about her H, but about her children? Not good.

[Roberta]

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[rd500]

Hi reberta Thanks for the input. I live in Ireland and have professorial help here. I have the DR DB books and they are a great help. I'm not sure what my W is about at the moment. She turned up this am so I as already out and carried on to work as two weeks ago she asked me for time alone in the house with the kids. I was at work for 20 mins and got a voice nail from her saying I did not have to stay out of the house just because she was home. She was crying while she said this. I then got a call 10 mins later from her to say the same and she chatted for 25 mins. I'm not sure if she is just guilt ridden over leaving or sad because her new life is not as she expected. I chatted to her on the phone but I feel detachment is the way to go because as a person I have matured , taken responsibility for my ( many) mistakes in our marraige and improved 100% as a father ( long long overdue). I will continue to improve but at this stage W has to want to engage with M I do she signs she is very unhappy but as above why ? Hi sandi. Thanks for pisting. I agree I can ( sort of) understand her issues with me lol. But not the kids. I can only imagine her perceived or real understanding of her life to date must be very sad. Thanks for posting

[rd500]

Sorry for spelling mistakes. Dooooh

[rd500]

Hi all. Feeling my title for the thread was a bit silly now. No real updates just the usual. W works on a Sunday and came in on the way to work to kiss girls good morning. To do this she had to come into my bedroom because both D's normally come into my bed around 4am. She then came home after work for 20 mins to see kids. This morning I got a calll from W to ask how kids got on going back to school after mid term break and chatted for 10 mins. Seems she is missing kids , which is completely understandable but is cake eating. I am asking for set days for visits going forward as it's upsetting for me to see her so often. I continue with DBing but it's hard to see someone you have loved for so long regularly We all need time to heal and I don't feel I am getting that Therapeutic post over

[rd500]

Hi everyone just an update. Had a bit of good fortune at work, so that was gladly recieved Kids up and down but we are keeping the games going and have a good time generally We have good times and it seems easier to keep my mind clear of negative thoughts for much longer while with kids and even when I'm alone. I think the detachment is helping greatly is this regard. I read all the posts on here and we all seem to be struggling with our good days and bad My good now out weigh my bad but only just !!!! I'm thinking the ratio will improve with time. As I improve as a person I look back and see how a lot of my actions made this sitch come to pass. I hope that accepting my errors and flaws ( to put it kindly ) will spur me on to continue to improve and become the best me I can be Tough to see yourself as you were and realise that you wernt perfect after all !!!!

Thanks to all who read this and offer any thoughts. Take care all

[South74]

Hi rd500,
Just wondering do your kids go out and spend tine either there mum or stay over at her place?
Do you have any agreements in place ?

I ask because my W doesn't really bother and is getting her own place in a few weeks and has said to daughter she can stay over whenever she wants .
I want to have some sort of agreement where I want like a weeks notice if that is to happen .
Does that sound reasonable ?

I want D to see her mum but not at a drop of a hat if that makes sense .

[rd500]

Hi south. My stich is that W has a 1 bed flat about 25 k away and at the moment she collecst my youngest three from school Monday , Wednesday and Thursday and then cooks for them and leaves before or soon after I get home. On Wednesdays she stays for the night. On Fridays she collect two Ds from home and takes them to hers overnight and drops them home sat pm. She has full access to the house while I'm at work and she does housework while she's home.

I'm not really happy with this arrangement but I have to allow for the kids to get used to the sit ch. W is gone a month and the kids are just getting used to it but I hope to put a more formal plan is place soon. As I have mentioned before she left me to get space and currently text ls and phones me 3/5 times a day. I am detaching like she can't believe and 180s all the time. The gal is a bit different because of the 4 kids and full time job but we shall see.

South. I see a lot of similarities between all Our stories but at the end of the day we are all individuals and how we deal and cope with things are unique to us. I had I/c this morning and she is really pleased at my progress re becoming who I was. It took me along time to realise my part in the marraige breakdown but now I have I will do my best to resolve my issues. I'm not sure my stich can be resolved due to W and I issues but at the end of the day W is my kids mum and I have to treat her as such

[rd500]

Hi. All. Reading everyone's stich today and it ls not good. We all seem to care so much but even with changes we are too late. For me it's reaching the point of no return. My new life is good , I miss W but I have great time with my children and housework and cooking is getting easier W is making some noises and actions that seem to show she still cares but that's all can see. I/C thinks W is heading home but I think I am giving tainted info to I/c. Outside school at moment waiting for D13 to finish dance class Feeling down but have to continue as kids need to see their dad as a rock but it's so hard, I need my old W back to talk to Sorry for self pitying rant but need to vent. Thanks

[Ggrass]

It could be far worse. Rd we have the same bd within days. Mines still clinging to ow like a limpet on a rock!

Would be funny except he seems to have also lost his marbles, the bag they come in and the rules. I think there are more factors here than I know.

Same with you live life enjoy it, it will end where it ends and when you say it ends.