Another addendum to the above. I feel like we're strangers. I presume this is normal, especially during an affair. Will it be better to leave it this way, or try to have civil conversations. Do I try to become a friend, or leave it as it is.
Likely a misunderstanding . MrBond. You said "forget the rules". I took that as sarcasm becasue I thought that this was the DB forum and you said the rules were about DB'ing. I did not mean to be rude and for sure would like any and all advice you have to offer. I apologize. Yes I am reading and re-reading Divorce Remedy. Should I also get Divorce Busting?
I presumed that by you saying forget the rules, you were actually saying " Yes if you are trying to DB, then the rules say no initiated relationship talk"
The thing is that if you read just the rules on this message board without reading the books, you wouldn't understand that they are part of a bigger picture. It means that you don't go overboard with the communication with your spouse because LBS's have a tendency to do so at the beginning of the BD.
If you give your W space and continue to just change and increase the positive interactions with her, the communication should also increase but at a natural pace. How you get to that point is all in the books.
What have you been doing to improve yourself and make your changes permanent?
M-43 W-40 2D - 9 and 5
Emotion, yet peace. Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony. Death, yet a new life.
"because LBS's have a tendency to do so at the beginning of the BD."
I hear that. This is the reason I moved out - albeit I think the biggest mistake I made.
So far the improvements are more just understanding and realizations at the moment. I have had a few interactions with the children that were better and more enjoyable than before. I plan to continue those interactions in the best way. I am focusing on work more, and have a promotion coming up in 5 days, one where I will enjoy work even more. I have all the bills lined up and an itinerary to clear them up.
As far as GAL, still working that one - the church I want to go to is 15 miles away, no vehicle - and that was my first priority. I am steadily looking in to other community events, that will not interfere with my work schedule, or time with the kids - which I also know was her biggest issue with me.
Bill, my opinion about the letter of intent is don't send it. I don't want to hurt your feelings, but she will not be impressed, nor is she interested.
You are way too obvios when you say you aren't doing all this for her. You are pursuing in the letter. It makes you sound less thean attractive. I don't think you should proclaim that you are standing for the M. Don't reassure her you are making changes. That is not what you tell a WAW in an A.
You want to think this is an exit A. Whatever it is, she is living witb him, which indicates she doesn't want you and doesn't want to hear any of your intent. This is not the way, Bill. Get the changes established, first. Chaange your life, first.
As long as there is a court order and she is suppose to make the fist move every time, then I suggest you honor it. That should make a statement within itself. Otherwise, she will continue to have her guard up and not trust you.
There is a tine for everything. Don't try to do things before the right time or it may ruin it for good. This is the time to instill changes.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I have decided to go back to church. I am speaking with a pastor there on several occasions, and he is going to assist me with transportation to and from on Sundays and for another group called Creative Recovery.
I have decided to get in on the Parental meetings with the children's schools. Maybe even look into going further here.
My sister just told me that she mailed an article to my wife. My wife "promised" her she'd read it. I just wanted to know if anyone has heard of it. Called "Who Will You Become?" by Linda J. MacDonald 2005
I have decided to go back to church. I am speaking with a pastor there on several occasions, and he is going to assist me with transportation to and from on Sundays and for another group called Creative Recovery.
I have decided to get in on the Parental meetings with the children's schools. Maybe even look into going further here.
That is great new, Bill.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I am having a difficult day. I am okay, I just miss being home. I am not upset or depressed, I do not want to cry. Just that little part of me that wishes things could start getting better.
I am doing what I can, working right now. Trying to clear my head back to 'normal'. Just a bit sad. Looking forward to a conversation tonight with the pastor from the church I will be attending as soon as I can get a ride or vehicle.
