This does not diminish the opportunity you now have and for which you should be grateful. Now is the time for ACTIONS, NOT WORDS about your changes. Show them, don't talk about them.
Sure, it may well be seen that way.
But Sometimes doing the right thing BECAUSE it's the right thing, has to be enough for us.
Sometimes that's all there is. Good luck Billman, keep us posted please!
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I was there for her in every sense of the word. Yes I made mistakes, but I corrected them and moved on. She understood and on her own she opened up to me. I allowed her to talk and conversed with her as she was comfortable.
I did not indulge moments where I could have displayed pity, or about me. I allowed her to talk and express herself. We talked greatly about her mother and her mother forgave me for my past, and at first was not going to allow me to stay in her apartment while she was in the hospital. She changed her mind on that and my wife cried a little when her mother told her that she forgave me.
My wife opened up to me in a way I did not expect. I did not initiate any of the conversations, and she was clearly expressing to me that she does have a special place for me. I was all about her and the kids while I was there. I took care of our children and enjoyed every moment with them. I did not yell or get mad, but was firm when needed and talked to them nicely even when she wanted to yell at them. I simply said, "it's ok, I'll take care of this."
I did what I knew I needed to do for them and me, she told me herself at one point - without me asking that she has seen the changes over the past weeks. She told me she believed they were genuine and not an act. She said "You are SO good with them now".
on the way back she asked me out of the blue, what makes me so special to you. This was my reply: When we first met, it took me near a month to find the courage to talk to you. You were so ar out of my league. We talked and had moments, but I was frightened to ask you out. But the way you looked at me, and that sweet voice when you talked to me. The way you smiled when I said hello. That day I ound the courage, I knew you were the one. I was never afraid to ask someone on a date, or to bring them home with me. Something about you was special. While we were together, during those times I made you smile and laugh and when I was sweet to you; there was a glimmer in your eye that made you beautiful to me.
Then she said why am I beautiful. I said, your beauty goes beyond what I see of you. Yes you are beautiful on the outside that would never be a question. But on the inside, on those days I saw that glimmer especially you are a kind hearted wonderful mother. You put the kids above all else, I have always seen that. When I made you happy, you treated me like a king, and the smile on your face showed me a beauty that nothing could ever compare to. You could gain 300 pounds and let yourself go, and the person you are would still make you the most beautiful, and only woman in the world that I would see.
Then she asked how am I a good person if I am doing this to you. I was afraid to answer this one knowing what I understand and what I can and cannot say with her fog, but this was my response. You felt like we were through, you made a decision. I don't believe that you properly dealt with the feelings of loss with me. You distracted yourself with (him) and set me and the feelings you had for me aside. He courted you, and did a fine job of it. Your decision does not make you a bad person, it makes you human. Your decisions in the future will determine the person you wish to be in your life.
I am sure that most of what I said was over elaborated. But from what I understand and the way she responded and talked to me, I have to believe that she was searching for answers. I don't have the all and I know it, but I gave what I could. My mom told me that there is no way in hell, that the OM could tell her how beautiful she was in the way that I did.
She finally sees me, and I promise I am true, and this is no act (not said to her - was all action). At the end of the night, she still see's him as the object of her happiness, I did not argue with her. I simply said that is your choice, and I cannot argue your choice. All I can hope is that I am a reason to make a better choice. I said goodnight to her she hugged me and I left.
3 days, and I made more love bank deposits then I have in years.
