Yeah Little, in my experience that is what people do who don't like to face difficult emotions or confront a situation - they hop into a new relationship or cheat to make that transition easier. They don't feel strong enough to do it on their own or to communicate with their partner.
I'm with Jefe, this thing with OW will definitely not work out. Sounds like some serious drama just waiting to happen. And it shouldn't take very long. Depending on how relaxed your boyfriend is, I'd give it only a few months tops.
Yesterday BF texted me, and I made mention that a little old man gave me a lecture because I went outside in the cold rain without a coat on. BF responded by teasing me about how I don't own a jacket and that was par for the course for me.
Today I sent him a picture of me in a hoodie and asked if my reputation was still in tact, because it's technically still NOT a coat.
Two hours and more texts later, and we're talking dirty. Not necessarily about wanting to continue a sexual relationship, but general sexy flirting about things we knew from experience the other is good at...and so on and so forth.
He actually referred to me as a "sexual person" when one of his complaints was lack of sex.
Obviously this means zero, but it's an interesting twist.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
What a twist! Unexpected, to say the least. It seems like an exchange he wouldn't show the OW. That's good, no?
I also wonder how long my W's relationship with OM will last. He dumped his GF for her, and she dumped me and the kids. In DR, it says that real relationships from affairs usually last 6 months (p. 151). I'm thinking the higher they go, the bigger the crash. Or at least, the expectations will be sky high and the first time he farts, she'll see everything that's wrong about him and the whole thing will crumble. I really wish I had more certainty about it.
By the way, and I don't mean to rain on your parade, aren't you concerned that you'll bring back your H into the fold only to see him do this again in a few years? I know I am with my W and I keep asking myself what would be different this time. Of course, I will have changed, but I do hope that she'll learn a lesson from this A, that some love is built to last (ours!) even if it's less exciting than a new BF every 5 years.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
I don't forsee BF wanting to come back to an R with me. Truth is I don't know for sure, but I'm not hedging my bets on it. This weird twist only means he's horny at the moment. LOL
Also, I don't know if he's in a relationship with OW. I know they are/were sleeping together, what he specifically said to me a month or so ago was "we're not in a relationship, but yes, I'm [doing] her".
I don't know if I believe it. There's some mind-reading on my part, because I know he spends a lot of time with her socially. Before I moved out, after the BD, he spent time at her place -- a friend's house she'd moved into with her kids, when she left her husband -- instead of coming home after work. He'd be there until 9am or later. I also know that BF is a fast mover and seems to need a relationship in his life, because they tend to blend from one into another. I don't know the TRUTH for sure, but by all appearances.....
I'm sure he's just being a hormone driven idiot, that's all. But our sexual chemistry is amazing, so it's fun to interact.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Ah, the sexual chemistry... We had it too in our M. It's hard not to think of the good things about the R that might reappear for her once the fog dissipates. Not my sandbox, etc. Still, it seems like a good thing that she'll remember one day.
But this chemistry also adds to my fear that we'll never go back together. I hear about so many couples having sex issues and we were always able to work out ours (I'm not denying the ups and downs over the years). Sure, there are other compatible people out there, but it seems like a big gamble.
Oops, I'm thinking out loud abut my sitch and hijacking your thread. If your H is really such a hunter, then the no-pursuing, GAL, etc technique seems to apply especially well to your case. He needs to be on the hunt. If he knows you have chemistry on top of it, he'll come around.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Glad to see you, Little! I, like you, struggle with being friends vs. being completely dark. We were best friends for 9 years and HE chose to end that, but I don't want to be without my best friend. Hugs to you. Hang in there!
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
"we're not in a relationship, but yes, I'm [doing] her"
Ahh, such class. What an unemphatic di*k.
Sorry, carry on.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
