This is hilarious, actually. I had time to ponder on my 45 minute ride to work. This has actually super helped with my detachment.
Things escalated and he ended up sending me a naughty video. Long story short, it was obvious (to me, having been in his daily life for so long) that it was made a year or more ago and was not new. In it he says, "this is for you".
So, follow me here: I've never seen this video, he says "this is for you" and it was made over a year ago. When we were solidly in an R. Who the hell sends their ex -- that they cheated on -- a video they made for the person they cheated on them with?
What a skeezer. LOL!
I don't know what's up with this man. I truly don't.
I don't think he misses me or the physical intimacy but clearly he's gone full promiscuous mode. If he IS in an R with OW, then he's cheating on her, too. If he's not, he's operating with his boy parts and little else.
WOW DETACHMENT, HOW THE HECK ARE YA!?
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
The little head (his little head not your head) is doing ALL of the thinking. That's clear. It's all part of the alien abduction. Hang in there.
This would be a great time to set some boundaries. He needs to know that sending that kind of stuff while he is "doing" someone else is unacceptable behavior. You might even mention that next time he does you are going to let OW know. But let's hear from the vets on this first, I may be way off base.
You know, I am quite certain that one of these days God and I are going to have a long talk about my potty mouth, and I probably won't like it much.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
@Jefe: I'm participating so it's certainly not all him. LOL! I'm exaggerating my responses for his benefit, but it's hilarious. Sort of titillating, too, I won't lie. In a way I feel like I'm stringing him along, too. I don't give a crap about OW, she can rot.
@Mozza: Of course I replied to it. I asked him if he took that this morning, and he ignored the question, replying with another dirty response. I then played it off in my next reply like I realized it wasn't recent, and the reasons why, in an off-handed manner. He says, "I never said it was new, but isn't it sexy...." blah blah more sex talk.
I'm just laughing and rolling my eyes. It's part funny and part a testament to just how screwed up he is; who knows how long he's been doing things like this? Certainly gives me perspective I need to stop moping about loving him and seeing the truth to the ugly side. A side I don't want to partner with, unless things SERIOUSLY change.
Also, it helps to know that I see sex as something very normal and casual, which I know some people don't believe in. In a relationship and between people who are in love, it's sacred and an almost religious experience to me -- but for consenting adults who are free to do as they wish (IE: not attached to someone else), it's natural and not at all shocking or weird to behave like this. Naturally I value monogamy for myself, and I don't know for sure if he and OW are in an R. Since he and I aren't partnered anymore either, that puts us in the second category. It's the incidentals that make it sad/funny.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
LOL!! Honestly, it's been a lot of reminiscing about the start of our R, which was heavily sexual. He's not looking for a hook up.
Who knows, maybe the flash backs will stir something?
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Saw a new IC tonight. I liked him. We've identified some issues I need to work on to be a better, happier me and find the love I want, whether that's with BF or not.
I'm going to stop encouraging BF's sexual-oriented texts. It's really counter-intuitive to DB of any sort to be too available to him. I liked the way this IC -- being a man -- explained the logic of it to me, as far as male minds go. Going dark again and seeing what that brings.
However, both IC and I agree that a man that's well laid and happy with his greener grass doesn't solicit his ex for naughty vids. Heh. Small (petty, immature, smug) thrill for me. Maybe OW is a dead fish in bed. Who knows. Who cares.
Anyway. Onward and upward.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Wow, your IC is really different from mine. If I come up with some mind reading, he always goes "Maybe. Maybe not." He even told me he couldn't be the validator of my analysis. He's only interested in me, not my W. I don't complain: it's even refreshing.
This being said, I've no license and I'm free to mind read all I want (until caught by a vet): yes, it's the weirdest thing that he'd share naughty texts and vids with you! One of my goals of the month was to have an exchange that my W wouldn't show her OM and I was happy with an innocuous email about Kim Kardashian's butt. I'm curious of what's next for you, especially as you'll stop encouraging him.
But, as you said, onward and upward.
M39 D6 D3 (at S) S 2014-09 D 2016-09
"You can't start a fire sitting around, crying over a broken heart" - Bruce Springsteen.
Hahaha Little I just got caught up on your story. Too funny. Old naughty videos, people are so dumb sometimes. I once had a guy send me a naughty photo of himself with some text on it, and the text was in another language that I don't speak. Obviously not just for me, right?
As usual, so many similarities in our situations, I hope we can support each other in this next phase of going dark (again). How do you plan to do it exactly? Not reply to his messages at all? Be very short in your response? Tell him beforehand that you don't want to talk?
I struggle a lot with this "dark" thing since BD. I'll be looking to you for some good pointers!
Hugs, Lisa
Me: 34 H: 30 M: 4 years BD: 6/15/14 He moved out 6/30/14 OW1: EA then PA after BD Now he's dating multiple OWs I'm over it and moving on.
I asked IC if I could ignore the messages and he told me I don't owe BF [censored] and that was fine if I wanted to. Just stop replying.
My thought was that I didn't want to explain myself and go into my emotions.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
