Newcomer With Hope (2)

[Jefe]

I second this^^^

[Little]

I'm in a great place PMA wise. Going to ride the happiness while it's still here to be had.

BF texted me twice today, without encouragement. Once a funny joke picture with a stupid internet meme on it, and once an old picture of the cats telling me it's "the best picture ever". Yes, it is. Why are you looking at old pictures of cats you constantly grumped over?

Anywho....

[Mozza]

Interesting. One way to get his attention is to have high standards. When he sends stupid stuff, ignore it. When he sends something good, engage. Raise the bar. Show him that he has to be on top of his game around you.

[gan]

I don't get to see much of my Hs fog given the limited interaction but if this is what it looks like…wow! Just WOW!

[LisaB]

haha Ganb8te there is something to be grateful for. Being immersed in their fog is quite a ride.

So Little, what did you do about these texts? Did you ignore him? Reply?

Of course as soon as I decide to go dark my WAH starts sending a series of super friendly messages with lots of questions...

Up and down we go... wheeee!

[Little]

I like your idea about "keep the door open a crack", so I did respond -- only because he initiated.

The meme picture I sent a "LOL! CLASSIC!" and the cat picture I said, "Sure is! Love them!"

And then let it go and didn't reply anymore. I WILL NOT be responding to any more sexual texts, period. Those I will ignore.

[LisaB]

Thanks for replying Little! I am trying to glean some tips from you. I always feel like I am doing the "dark" wrong. When I first did it in my sitch I would only reply sometimes and often I would take several hours to a day. It seemed to make him curious. But who knows what benefit that had as now he has several OWs and is still "confused".

Keep us posted, I am watching carefully!

[Little]

I think there's only "what works" for your sitch. I do try not to be too eager. I switch up whether or not I reply right away. I'm a "by the phone" person, so I am prone to answering anyone immediately, but sometimes I wait 10 minutes and really think about my replies to BF.

I'm also wondering if I should go totally dark and start ignoring him completely, so you're not alone, there. But I think, for now, I'll just let him do the first contact.

[LisaB]

Thanks Little. I wish I knew "what works". It really requires quite a bit of mindreading, doesn't it? The times I think he is warming up and coming toward me, I find out that he has a slew of OWs or is whining to friends about how in love with one of the OWs he is. Without spying it is so hard to know what is truly going on. And even with spying I don't know what is really in his head/heart.

I think DR says to make a list of signs things are going better and look for those signs. What do you think of that?

[Little]

I want to get my feelings out today because I feel like I'm in a good place. Too bad I can't bottle this for days when PMA is low.

I'm proud of my ability to survive through hard stuff. I can take care of myself and be independent, no matter what comes my way. I am so resilient and I don't give myself enough credit for it. I LOVE myself and my personality and I'm proud of me.

Today I know that, while I want to reconcile with BF, I need to be his choice. If we're ever going to be an "us" again (apart from the work he needs to do on himself), he has to CHOOSE me, because he wants and loves me. Anything else will not do. Period. This makes me okay with going forward with my business and focusing on me, until any such eventuality occurs. And it may not, but if it doesn't, it's okay.

Today I feel stable and proud of the way I've handled myself through this break up.