Wow, 10. I never really expected that when I first posted here. I don't really know what I thought. Yes, I do. I thought if I could just hang in there until H's A imploded then I could go back to normal. That's what I thought. I don't know whether to laugh or cry at that.
So I ended up spending the afternoon in the ER. Turns out everything is ok and I came home but I'm exhausted. So glad my S19 was home to pick up D12 from school. H knew I was there but didn't offer any help. However when I talked to him later he was offering to cook Thanksgiving dinner. And then he sent me a gift certificate for a facial because I had a tough day. That's when I told him thank you and he came back with the elusive you're welcome. I have to say H has been nicer to me in the past few days than he has been in months, maybe years. I have no idea why.
Today I am grateful for all my kids. The one who can drive, the one who knows how to grocery shop, the one who can cook. They are jewels.
Good morning. I'm having trouble unpacking all the emotions attached to my little ER trip yesterday. Most of it centers around my H offering to help with Thanksgiving cooking and sending a gift certificate, but not providing any real-time assistance picking up his own children from school or providing them dinner, or offering to get things I needed from the pharmacy. Am I wrong to think that would have been in line, even though we are S? I didn't specifically ask him to do any of those things, although we did talk about all of them on the phone after I left the ER. In the end, it all worked out without his help. Fact is that it's been working out without his help for years on end.
I cried all afternoon yesterday, much of the evening, and I feel another jag coming on now, even though I'm trying not to because I'm at work. I don't really know what all those tears are about.
Yeah, it blows that H was not really available to help you pre-and post-surgery. Still very much into himself and does the bare minimum to help out with the kids.
Are you missing the feeling of having a partner by your side to support you? Or is it that H isn't around as a family with the Thanksgiving holiday looming just around the corner?
It's okay to have a good cry. Get all the emotions out.
Me 47 - W 35 M 9 - T 10 2 Daughters - 7 & 9 Discovery of EA- 8/4/14 S - 8/5/15 D mentioned - 9/11/14 R & Piecing - 3/17/15 Regard one another as more important than yourselves. - Philippians 2:3
Are you missing the feeling of having a partner by your side to support you? Or is it that H isn't around as a family with the Thanksgiving holiday looming just around the corner?
It's the partner thing. I really want someone who will stand by me. But the thing I'm struggling with is that I don't know that H was that person anyway. I'm not sure if the sense of loss is about H himself, or the fact that now that I know how to ask for what I need (a recently learned skill), there's no one to ask. In any case, I'm getting no support from him, or any other man, and that blows, because I want it so much.
Last night would have been a good night if I didn't feel so crappy. S19 stepped up by picking up his sister from school and doing some grocery shopping. All three of them, plus D16's bf, pitched in to make dinner. My kids are gold. But they aren't my partner.
Why didn't you ask H to pick up the kids from school? That would seem appropriate even if you had been Dd for years.
Hope the sun is shining where you are like it is here.
I didn't ask H because when I was in the ER and we were texting, he was clear that he "had meetings" all afternoon. I also knew that I could probably get S19 to pick up D12, or one of my friends would do it. D16 already had a way home from school, her bf was going to pick her up. (They go to different school, not remotely in the same neighborhood).
My main issue with H on this is not that he didn't pick them up, I didn't ask him to, but that he didn't think ahead that his children would need a way home from school if their regular ride was in the ER. And so I can't fault him for not doing it, I didn't ask him to. But I don't think it's unreasonable for these things to occur to their father. Maybe I'm way off base on that one. Maybe I spent too many years doing it all myself for these things to even occur to him and now I am faulting the beast I've created.
It's the sense of being taken care of that I'm looking for, not the actual act of picking them up. I had the logistics taken care of, I always do. I just wanted someone to say "I have your back".
And it is in fact a beautiful sunny day in South Florida.
