Adinva 51, S20, S18 M24 total 6/15/11-12/1/12 From IDLY to H moving out 9/15/15-3/7/17 From negotiating SA to final D at age 50 5/8/17-now: New relationship with an old friend __ Happiness is a warm puppy.
Really sorry to hear about your dog. They are unconditional love personified. My dog can drive me crazy at times, I will have had him 3 years tomorrow but I know he loves me with all of his being. He has gotten me through a lot. More than he will ever know. I am sure your fur baby did the same for you.
Hugs, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
So sorry to hear that your dog has crossed the Rainbow Bridge. One of the hardest things to deal with. Our first dog, Cheyenne, was an Irish Setter. They are such stunning, loyal pets.
BA--I'm so ready for 2014 to be over. I consider this one "The year of big loss". It's been extremely tough. Thank you so much for your friendship and presence last Friday night. BTW, I went out and bought some Bailey's and Irish Mist this week and have decided it's the drink of 2014 holiday season. My D20 doesn't like it, though. More for me!
On a happier note, my XSIL and I decided to bury the hatchet and start over. I feel a lot lighter about that. She said she realized that my brother made sure that she had an antagonistic R with all of us and wondered why. Once she said it, I realized she was right and that undoubtedly, it was a protection mechanism to keep us from comparing his lies. What a bummer. Anyway, we're going forward and that's a happy change. I think I'm going to create a memory book for his D6 with photos of her Papa. AFTER the holidays.
I'm having incredibly weird dreams lately. They're vivid and obscure. The one I had this morning just confuses me. I'm not sure what they mean, but maybe it's time to set up an appointment with a medium again. It would be nice to have a little clarity.
Hope all is well with y'all.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
p.s. I just realized that today is the 12th anniversary of "the bomb". Who'd have thought that there would be a good life more than a decade after that destruction?
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
2014 has sure been a mixed bag. Some really good things have happened and some really bad things. Hoping that the good things spread into 2015 and the bad things simply stay buried in the past.
Last Friday was great. You have a wonderful family! Your parents are the nicest and most welcoming people I've met in a long time! Thanks for letting me "crash" the dinner. Plus it was great to hang out with you again, drink some good scotch (and yes the baileys and Irish Mist was great too) and see the reaction on your face when your old college roomie showed up unexpectedly! :-)
As for the dreams, I am the worst at remembering anything I ever dream. Very frustrating sometimes, because I will wake up thinking wow that was weird and then within just a few minutes, the whole dream has faded from my memory and I can't remember a darn thing about it.
Well, I don't think remembering my dreams makes me any less confused! The one I had today had me getting back together with my long time BF before I met Mr. Wonderful. (Yep, he was from VA though I met him in Scotland. ) I have no idea where his real life wife went, but we were definitely a couple and I was thrilled. We moved in together... to the house that Mr. Wonderful and I lived in when we moved to Colorado. I was really disturbed about it, but nobody else thought it was weird. The only reason I woke up is because the damn roofers showed up before the cock crowed this morning, and the thunderous noise of removing shingles offended my delicate sensibilities... not to mention my plans to have a sleep in a little while today. Otherwise, I might have found out enough to figure out the whys. But I sure wasn't unhappy that we wound up back together. LOL.
My family liked you too, so you're even! I love them too. This trip home on Sunday was probably the hardest return I've had in more than 20 years. I bawled half the flight home. I've never been shy about telling everyone I miss them, but this departure was actually painful. I'm still stunned that my friends figured out where to find us! Home? No. Anthony's? Nope. Must be the Irish pub! Bingo! The fabulous gift about having all my pals together at the funeral was our pinky promise to travel together every year. College roomie and I both have kids who go to college in NY and play sports, so it's been really easy for us to schedule that time. We're adding the other eager 2 because it's just right. So we'll do a volleyball trip next year and then convert it to something the group elects to do. It'll probably be something back east, since the 3 of them are all there. My heart aches just thinking of them. I'm so blessed!
I'm still stunned by her trip down from Philly. They really do keep good secrets! You didn't meet #3, as she and her hubs came to the early visitation. She's a gem too!
Time to go get D17. I totally forgot to get her on Tuesday, so that's not gonna happen today. Blech.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
BA, after seeing that photo of you with the bottle, I hope you're not in your cups this week! (I'm at work and definitely jealous.)
Christmas was lovely. Who'd have thought less presents under the tree would be the hallmark of blessings in my household? Although my D17 has been irritable and snarky, we've moved around her and had a wonderful time.
I shared the story of my X-SIL on Kat's thread. She received a message from my brother during a dream to send me money (that he owed me). She wired the funds through an i-Phone app (my SIL is extremely savvy with things) and voila! I had $400 more in my checking account!
Plus a client's very large check arrived so I immediately sent my employees a Christmas bonus. It felt really good to be generous. We have a lot of work to do after the new year, and I'm really grateful for that. Idle hands are poor hands, and I lived like that longer than I was comfortable. No more of that!
Then yesterday, D17's trust was funded. Happy, happy day for my family--all the way around.
Right now, I'm doing year end stuff and interviewing agencies to be D17's support and my employer after she turns 18. Our family coordinator put out an RFP in November and got back more than 40 responses. OY! I looked at Mr. Wonderful and said, "I hope you're really grateful to have ME for your XW." He sheepishly grinned and said, "You know I am."
So I decided to contact the first 6 and see what happens. I have a feeling that it's going to be one and done, but I'm committed to meeting everyone in that 6. I met with the first one Christmas Eve (and LOVED them); yesterday was one, and the next is in a few hours. Two are next week and one hasn't responded. They are all so nice and helpful.
I should probably mention the miracle here. She was saved a slot on a decent waiver program, and we were planning on proceeding with that. But there is a program that we were told the wait list was long and it would be a few years before we knew where we'd be on that list. It fell into our laps earlier this month. So that necessitated us making new plans and changing things around. It will require some sacrifices, most of which will be mine to make - willingly. I just asked her dad to support me 100% so that I could make those sacrifices. Fortunately, they are time sacrifices and not money. She's so blessed. Everyone I've talked to has been nothing short of astounded that she wound up securing a spot on this program. It truly *is* a miracle.
In the meantime, D20 and I had a girl's spa day on Friday and then the 3 of us went downtown to eat at La Fondue (wayyyy yummy) and head over to see the Grinch. It was totally awesome. In case some of you don't know me on the alt, my family is totally into the Grinch. D20 does a fabulous improv of Jim Carrey, and literally keeps everyone in stitches. We do this all year. Not just at Christmas. (She's also really into the Madagascar penguins--guaranteed to make D17 go into fits of laughter.) Add The Incredibles, and you've got home made movies live. Unfortunately, she's heading back to school a week from today. This time, we won't see her until May. That's a bummer. Even then, it will probably be short lived as she's interviewing for an internship in Pittsburgh--working with 3D printers--and they love her as much as she loves them. They're growing up, my girls.
In the meantime, I'm just grateful for now. Last night, I made D20 watch The Dead Files with me. She's a scaredy cat and wound up sleeping with me. LOL.
Time to do a little work before trudging across town in the snow and frigid temps. It's 2 degrees, and with snow packed roads with ice underneath, is not a fun thing to do. Even if it really does look like Christmas out here.
Happy New Year to all!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Hey Bets! Glad that you had a nice Christmas and that is great about reconnecting with the estranged SIL. I hope the bond continues to grow.
Great news for you on the financial front as well. What a nice boss you are - I can just imagine how happy your employees were to receive and unexpected bonus, especially at this time of year.
I am not on vacation, as I received the short straw and get to cover the office while others are out. It's ok though because my girls have been in California with their mother ever since Christmas night. We had a nice Christmas though. I had them Christmas Eve and Christmas morning. GF celebrated Christmas with us as well, so it was a very nice holiday. GF and XW got to have their first ever meeting on Christmas day when she came to pick up the girls for the airport. That all went well.
I have no big plans for New Years Eve. I will spend it by myself at home with my favorite choice of beverage. I quit going out to parties a long time ago. Not worth it to be on the roads with a bunch of potential drunks. GF will be with her kids and we will be getting together on New Years Eve.
So yesterday, I had an epiphany of sorts. I have been working with my Mother for some time now getting her settled into her new house and dealing with the stuff that she wants to get fixed. It seems that at every turn there is either something new wrong or something isn't going right and she goes negative on me. Well as I was dealing with smoothing over the latest issue with her I realized that ever since I can remember I have been trying to make my mother a happy person. I've always felt like she got a raw deal in life with the way my dad treated her and everything and she always needed to be lifted up. That she deserved to have a happy life. The problem is I'm not sure she actually wants one, and besides it's not my role or responsibility to provide her with one. I then realized that this behavior most likely had a huge influence in the two women that are now my ex-wives, because they have a similar negative outlook on life and I spent a good deal of time trying to make them happy - thinking if they are happy with life then they will be happy with me and everyone will just be happy - I MEAN CAN'T EVERYONE JUST BE HAPPY!! I know climb down from the ledge!
Anyway, I'm not sure why it took me 56 years to figure this all out - specifically the connection between my mother but I'm very happy I did. One positive thing is that my GF fortunately does not follow this mold and is happy on her own, so at least I'm not falling into the same situation a third time. (Happy dance here)
Ok enough psycho-analyzing BS for the day. Happy New Year all!!
Wow, BA, that's some heavy processing for the holidays. I admire you for having the courage to admit this to yourself. Then you add what women you chose to finish your R with your mom and... well... congrats for figuring this out. If it's any consolation, I think many of us here (and our former spouses) have had this same dynamic. Our baggage and how we manage it is some heavy lifting. Looking back, I wonder why we didn't see some of it?
Go one step further, and my guess is that your mom chose your dad so she could permit the very dynamic you suggested. Maybe even have a scape goat?
For me personally, I absorbed my parents' abandonment issues and they played out in some really ugly ways.
The good news is that you've done the work, my friend. And 56? I say better to do it now and have the rest of your life to let it go and enjoy your own life, right?
I, too, gave up the social NYE years ago. Hell, I had 2 close encounters on the way to work today without the drunk driving playing a factor. Four miles from door to door and I literally was almost obliterated twice. Can't wait to get home. Although this is a long shot, yesterday there was a Cessna plane crash 1.5 miles to the east from me. I live about 1.5 miles northwest of the busiest commuter airport in the country. Most of the crashes are south of the airport, but I just figured one of these days... the pilot was killed and the crash site was literally 10 feet in front of a house. Nobody else was hurt. How would that be to wake up to at 4:45 am?
Anyway, D20 is heading to Golden to hang out with friends and D17 and I are probably gonna hang out and watch movies and eat pizza. That's about my speed for sure.
Happy 2015 to all of our friends here as well!
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
) I have no idea where his real life wife went, but we were definitely a couple and I was thrilled. We moved in together... to the house that Mr. Wonderful and I lived in when we moved to Colorado. I was really disturbed about it, but nobody else thought it was weird. The only reason I woke up is because the damn roofers showed up before the cock crowed this morning, and the thunderous noise of removing shingles offended my delicate sensibilities... not to mention my plans to have a sleep in a little while today. Otherwise, I might have found out enough to figure out the whys. But I sure wasn't unhappy that we wound up back together. LOL. 
(I'm at work and definitely jealous.)
I know climb down from the ledge!