While I like the path I'm on now with advice here... and like already said this in not encouraged here... I can see how forcing exposure to the W's parents made by the W is very effective. I think that is fair as the parents will keep the secret if asked by the W. Any problem with that?
Last edited by HPoirot; 12/03/1410:10 PM.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
HP, I won't advocate or discuss exposure here, as this is MWD's site and we are here as her guests. I was asked what worked for me and so I answered with my story, but exposure is NOT recommended by DB/DR.
There are plenty of other resources out there if you want to learn more about it.
Yes I've read those other resources and they are very convincing. I go back and forth on this as I have items and opportunity to expose with. The quiet exposure to my W's parents is one I'm still on the ledge with. I acknowledge the expert advice against here. I do think, though, it will work to frustrate the A and show strength given the way you handled it. As you know, I'm about to again take action related to my W's A. I'm considering additional options that work... not to make myself feel better. I'm not sure the thing that works is my W will know I know but only walk away without doing something more aggressive.
Last edited by HPoirot; 12/03/1410:37 PM.
Me: 44 W: 45 S: 11 Married: 15 Together: 18 BD: 9/29/2014 OM discovered: 10/16/2014 I left her behind: 12/14/2014
Thank you for sharing. I can say that this is the toughest thing I've ever been through and this site and all of you folks are the rocks that I need to lean on when everything looks so dire. I struggle everyday fully giving my W over to God in this. I have faith he's going to look out for me and my kids and I'll be happy w or w/o my W; but I'm not at the point that I'm comfortable that plan may really include our family staying separated and my kids with divorced parents.
I read your letter and it brought tears to my eyes, both in future hope and past pain. I pray that some day her and I can have that type of exchange in our M. However, its so difficult because even on the night a few hours prior to BD; I felt my W could have written that letter to me, that's how blindsided and ignorant I was in what was actually going on in her life; hiding an OM that she had 'fell' in love with. I still haven't fully accepted that betrayal.
M:36 W:37 T: 15 M:11 S6 D5 BD: 8/10/14 IDLY: 8/12/14 S: 8/13/14 (she left, I stayed w/ kids) D Mentioned: 10/15/14 Confronted about OM: 10/15/14 EA: ~4/13 PA: ~10/13 She filed: 8/15 (not final)
You are also a CLASS ACT in helping others on this site.
The almost perfect blend of knowing how and when to say something. IMHO a great example of how to help people without them feeling hurt or attacked so that they don't get defensive. You are proof that we really need very few 2x4's to get others to follow our lead and we don't need to pressure them to shut up and listen to our "superior advice" when they are hurting and crying out for help.
Thanks for your honesty. I also felt totally blindsided. The last time I saw my wife she said she was certain that I was her "soulmate" and that she loved me and didn't want to be with anyone else. Two days later she texted me and said she would be at the house with a moving van and would not be responding to any of my texts. She did not, however, have an OM. So I'm sorry you have that extra layer of betrayal.
It's still a daily struggle for me as well to detach and give my W and the R over to God. But I can say that struggle has led me to open up to others in a way I never have before. I've honestly never felt this much humility and there is a sweetness to feeling that in the midst of my ups and downs. I am getting glimpses of being the strong and independent person that many others on this forum describe themselves as becoming. Then as soon as I get that sense, I immediately wish my WAW were talking to me so I could show her what a great guy she's ignoring.
Me: 39 W: 46 D: 7.5 S: 5 SD: 16 SS: 12 T: 2 (06/2012) M: 2 (12/2012) Separation 09/2014. No talks of D yet. No communication since 10/3/2014
