it surely is not. And of course the flooding thoughts are that of her "loving" another. I try to remind myself that it is not love, or at least not real love. But some how that does not make it any better.
Whatever is going on over at her house does not mean it is permanent. Try to think of this time as you being gone to training camp. A camp where you are reinventing yourself. In the meantime, she is enrolled in the school of hard knocks. By the time she graduates, you will be prepped to start a new relationship with her (or someone else). What you are doing is tough stuff. If it were easy, I doubt it would stick for any period of time. You want these improvements to be for life! I remember how hard it was getting in shape every year when basketball practice started. I thought the coach would kill us before we ever had a game! But when show time finally came........we shinned! So in many ways, you are in training now. When you get in shape, you will feel great about yourself. You will be healthy physically, mentally, & spiritually. And since getting in shape is so tough, maybe just stay in shape.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
I agree, and I have hope and faith it is definitely not permanent. Training for sure. I look back at my mistakes and the last time I tried to fix them and for a moment I wanna slap myself that I fixed nothing and put her through it again.
Then I realize, what's done is done, I promise myself I will never be that lazy person again. And I convince myself daily, that I am better today than what I was yesterday.
At night I pray for strength to continue what I am doing to the point it becomes permanent for me.
Just found out from her brother that she had recently broken up with the OM, then took him back. I do not have any other details about this, but it sounds like good news as far as their breaking up. My emotions are under control and I will do nothing . But MAN do I wish there was. The sooner they end, the better my chances.
We talked for a short while today. My wife says she does not understand why I was so think headed, and unable to "hear" her when she told me what she wanted. What would be a good read that I might suggest to her to assist her understanding that I as a man am more normal than she'd like to believe?
The other morning she called me up asking for a jump, the batter died in our vehicle. I did not show excitement, but I stopped working and borrowed my mother's car and went the two blocks to jump the car. She was thankful and "nice" to me. We have not spoken since (2 days).
People are saying she has me wrapped around her finger. Plan A says meeting her needs, and show the better person. Is being there for her enabling her to use me, or doing the right thing?
I do not know where to draw a line, or whether to even draw one. Is she using me, or did she appreciate my being able to help her. Do I say no next time, or say yes but at my availability. Hard to get, or always ready. Show her love or show her pain (without whinny pity crybaby).
Her mother is in the hospital with cancer, there is a good chance she will die soon. She agreed for me to go with her, and we are taking the children. It is an 11 hour drive each way.
This situation is not about us, it is about her mother. She has spoken to me more the past few days, and came to me to talk and cry to instead of her lover.
I believe that Plan A here is to be there for her, to help her any way I can during this time for her. I expressed warmly and with no return expectation, that I want to be there for her.
A small part of me wants her to deal with this on her own - but that would be foolish of me. I cannot help but question whether she did go to her lover, or why she was willing to let me take her.
I am very nervous, afraid to make mistakes. But I feel if I do this right, and there for her as I need to be, it will be a huge Love Bank deposit.
Her mother is in the hospital with cancer, there is a good chance she will die soon. She agreed for me to go with her, and we are taking the children. It is an 11 hour drive each way. This situation is not about us, it is about her mother. She has spoken to me more the past few days, and came to me to talk and cry to instead of her lover.
Though it is indeed about her mother (and your children's grandmother) you then made it about you ("crying to ME and not her lover"). Try NOT to do that. Stay with the good motives inside you and ignore the darker ones.
I believe that Plan A here is to be there for her, to help her any way I can during this time for her. I expressed warmly and with no return expectation, that I want to be there for her. This ^^ is the ONLY plan I can imagine in this scenario, unless the claims you made about becoming a better man were tactical assertions and not the truth. Guess time will tell.
A small part of me wants her to deal with this on her own - but that would be foolish of me. Yes, and cruel. She'd never ever forgive you then. Billman, THIS is one of those times in life when you STFU about yourself.
You are to be a PILLAR OF SUPPORT to her (and your children) and NOT make anything about you or your needs. Period. The end.
I cannot help but question whether she did go to her lover, or why she was willing to let me take her. YOU KNOW her mom and he does not. You have tons of family history, he does not. You're the kids' dad, he's not.
This does not diminish the opportunity you now have and for which you should be grateful. Now is the time for ACTIONS, NOT WORDS about your changes. Show them, don't talk about them.
I am very nervous, afraid to make mistakes. But I feel if I do this right, and there for her as I need to be, it will be a huge Love Bank deposit.
Sure, it may well be seen that way.
But Sometimes doing the right thing BECAUSE it's the right thing, has to be enough for us.
Sometimes that's all there is. Good luck Billman, keep us posted please!
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M: 57 H: 60 M: 35 yrs S30,D28,D19 H off to Alaska 2006 Recon 7/07- 8/08 *2016* X = "ALASKA 2.0" GROUND HOG DAY I File D 10/16 OW DIV 2/26/2018 X marries OW 5/2016
