afraid I have waited too long #4

[nit84]

I know not to divulge intel but If My W asks me if I have talked to this woman like she did 6 months do I say yes she was here,

but not tell her what was discussed? Or do I deny any knowledge of OMW ever being here.

I have a feeling, now that OMW knows I feel the same as she does, that she may confront OM and he will in turn tell my W then my W will start to ask questions possibly.

I will stand my ground if this happens and see what happens from there.


Still trying to figure out if it is a good or bad thing that this happened.

[Ggrass]

Well don't tell, but I wouldn't lie if asked a direct question.

Not sure how to put any spin on it or weather you need to. I'm not sure what the db stand would be.

You could try to say confidentially I didn't discuss our conversations, so I won't discuss hers and mine. Common courtesy. Yatter yatter!

[nit84]

Thanks Ggrass,

I can honestly say I didn't discuss any private conversations that my W and I had if my W should ask that question.

I just told OMW that I had given my W ample opportunity to tell the truth just like she had done with OM.

Each of us had the same predictable outcome. Both My W and OM denying the truth.

I want to be a little mysterious about this with my W if she asks because I don't want to let her know how much I know on my own Vs what OMW may have enlightened me on.

I'm sure there are arguments for both but what are the thoughts of people on here. Is it a good thing or a bad thing that this has transpired in your opinions?

[nit84]

My L is setting up the Modification hearing to attempt and reduce the Spousal support I pay my W till we are D.

I don't know what will come of it but either way I don't think it will please my W to be back in court. Not my Problem.

I am still having a problem wrapping my Head around the visit from the OM's Wife or girlfriend but most definitely Mother of his children.


I empathized with her mostly because we are in the same predicament. We both want the A to end so we can try and put our R slowly back together hopefully. I know there are no "for sures" in this Sitch and even if the A ends it doesn't mean that my M will get back on track but it is the only scenario that makes it possible.

thoughts and advice appreciated.

[Wonka]

Nit,

I hear you calling my name and here I am!

A couple of things:

-Have you quit drinking completely?
-It is best to stop talking with W about property, asset divisions. Let your L do the talking/negotiations.
-Is your W still at home?
-I would stop talking with OMW completely. It just muddies waters unnecessarily.

Starsky's wife did the same as your W...coming and going at all kinds of hours. If I recall correctly, Starsky just locked the doors at 11:00 am. He did not wait up at all. I think I'll let Starsky chime in here and share his experiences with his formerly WAW.

[Wonka]

Oops...I meant to say 11:00 PM.

[nit84]

Wonka,

Thank you very much for hearing my call. Yes I stopped drinking the day after my W asked me to move out back in June of 2013. Not because I thought I had a problem but because my W thought it was a problem so out of respect for her and attempting to R I stopped completely. Honestly I don't miss it. Nothing but Church wine in 17 months.

I realize that talking to my W about Property and Assets are pointless but When she brought it up I thought I did a good job discussing it. She accused me of roadblocking in the days after the D complaint was handed to me by her. So I thought I would offer my thoughts in a calm manner but when I did it like that it still upset my W so as soon as that happened I thanked her for the talk and removed myself.

My W moved out the last Saturday in Sept taking a boatload of stuff that wasn't discussed and our cat without me even having a chance to say goodbye.

The OMW came to my home just this past weekend, for the fist and maybe only time, we talked for awhile. I didn't give up much info just telling her I suspected something and this just comfirms it. I asked if she was"done" with OM and she said she loved him and they have a family so no she is hurt and wants the lying and the A to stop. I didn't speak bad of OM or my W to her. She said she felt better after meeting me and letting me know. I will let her be the wedge that hopefully ends the A.

She told me she didn't care if I told my W she came over because she has confronted my W on 3 occasions and she admits to the A to her but she frustrated because OM is still denying it.

The OMW and OM are still initimate and according to OMW(total mind read by her)when OM and OMW talk my W stops her workout and is watching from afar in a jealous way.

I started doing the same thing as Starsky as soon as I moved back to the M home last Dec.

My big issue is I didn't and still don't know how to set a proper boundary.


I have made terrible DB mistakes and hope it is not too late.

I was a doormat.

Since my W has moved out She has Emailed twice and I responded both time but after 12 hrs or so not on purpose but because I didn't read my Emails till then.


I don't know what OMW plans are in regards to any more contact with me or my W or how she is handling her own M. The OM is at her home everyday but is staying at a friends(not my W) for the nights. My W is living with her GrandMother.

I do have feeling that one of two things may happen.

1. My W will be very upset about OMW contacting me and wondering what I said to her. She will turn it around and make it my fault.

2. My W will come back crying(crocodile tears) and try to play on my Love for her.


Of course neither of the above will happen unless OMW does something to initiate it. I don't believe I should say anything about OMW but keep this to myself till, if ever, the time is right.

Thanks Again

[nit84]

Starsky, Could you look at my thread again. Wonka says you may be able to help some more.

Everybody else is welcomed also MrBond, Sandi2, 25 etc...




Thanks to all in advance for thoughts and advice

[nit84]

I am thinking about emailing my W. She moved out 8 weeks ago and the only contact we have had is 2 emails sent by her that I responded to very briefly and about 12 hrs later.

When she moved out there was no talk like "I'm leaving don't ever contact me again".

I have not attempted any contact from my side and if I do email her it would be something short like

"Good evening, I hope this message finds you well. just dropping you a note to tell you that there is some mail here at the house for you. ME".

I feel I want to do this to see if I get any response not any other reason.

The last email from her was 5 weeks ago and she asked if she had any packages or mail I answered "yes there is mail but no packages."

She has yet to come and get it.

I could really use some advice on what to do now. It feels weird that I haven't talked with my W in 8 weeks. I know she needs her space and I am giving it to her but I don't like it.

I am ok 98% of the time it is just that 2% that has me questioning how I am approaching this S at this time.

Any help would be appreciated greatly!

[nit84]

I emailed my W last Sat but not for the reason I mentioned ^^^.

I emailed her to ask if would agree to pay her share of bills from the last month she was living in the Marital home with me.

This is what I emailed "Good Evening, I hope you had a great Thanksgiving. I am asking if you would agree to pay your portion of bills from Sept. that came due in Oct. and Nov. Thanks H"

W responded 36 hrs later by saying email the bills and she would look into it.

Yesterday I emailed copies of the bills and now I wait I guess.

If she agrees to pay these bills that would be great it not a lot of money between 90.00 and 100.00 so most likely she will have no problem with it but who knows.

If she does respond favorably should I attempt to open up any other dialogue? For instance, "Hey there is mail here for you and/or I have put some of your things in boxes that you left behind if you wanted to come get them."

In the process of finishing cleaning a spare room I started last year. I csme across a typed list of issues my W had with me and our M. Not sure if it was planted by her for me to find when I moved back last year or was just buried under the mess that was in this room.

Either way doesn't matter. She never gave this letter to me. I read it and it wasn't shocking what it contained, mostly things that I would agree might have been problems and honestly things that I have already worked on and feel I have changed since our S 18 months ago.

This list was compiled or typed sometime between 2010 and 2012 so I know it has been and issue for my W for a long time. I just wonder why she didn't give me the list then or at least attempt to talk to me about this issues. She mentioned things in passing but we never ever sat and discussed these issues.

None of these problems are unsolveable and frankly not sure they even need to be solved. I can just let my actions show that they are taken care of and I have rectified them myself at least my part of them. My W still needs to accept her part of the failure but I feel good that without even seeing this list I set out to be a better H and in the process fixed some of these issues.

Not mind reading but I would like to think that before my W moved out she saw by my actions that I have changed things that bothered her and she knows that I did it without the benefit of seeing this list she compiled. It may not save my M but I still have hope and I couldn't have that if I hadn't put my mind to changing myself.

Thoughts appreciated about whether I should attempt a little more contact if things go ok with the bill payment request or anything concerning this list I have found.