Maybell XXIV

[Maybell]

Maybell XXIII

I'm not trying to be passive/aggressive. I'm not sure what I'm doing.

I didn't complain to him about announcing and I don't object to the day. But I do feel like he takes me for granted. And maybe my desire for control is rising up. I feel like I knew my path better six weeks ago and I have lost my way. I'm having trouble finding it.

[paul19510]

MB bug toldnme last winter when I sounded like that not to rush. This stuff takes time. You seem like you are doing good. BTW ky STBXW used to tell me when she was taking the kids. A year later she is getting better about discussing stuff and making plans so we can co parent better. Things change. Peace

[SunnyB]

"H, the kids and I would like to have you here on Christmas morning. We'll hold off opening gifts until 8 but you know the kids, if you're much past 8 all that'll be left is the clean-up. You can bring a coffee cake, I'll provide the coffee. We should be finished by 11 and you'll have the rest of the day on your own. I know I'll need some down time."

Yes! This^^^ It's perfect. I used something similar for Thanksgiving, plan to use something similar for Christmas. It didn't totally work at Thanksgiving, honestly, I was ready for him to go long before he actually did, but I got close.

[paul19510]

I like it too. It sets expectations and gives clarity to what you want.

[Maybell]

I give myself a B-

I couldn't muster a smile except when the kids were around. But we parented together ok. He came in and stuck around without taking off his jacket for an hour.

The kids were in and out the whole time which made it very difficult to talk.

At one point he asked about a budget for the kids to buy something for each other, but because one of the kids burst into the room at the exact moment he was talking I misheard and thought he was asking about gifts for each other. I snapped "well we were living together then" and he corrected my misunderstanding. So I had to apologize for that. Not good.

I said he could come over in the morning for the present time and stay till around lunch. He asked if we wanted to go to dinner on Christmas Eve and I didn't know how to answer, but one of the kids burst in at that time so I didn't answer. Also not great. We talked a little about the weekend. He asked if he'd see me Friday and I said no because I have tickets someplace; then he asked if he'd see me Saturday at a kid event and I confirmed yes to that. And then he kissed the kids good night and left.

I think I could have done better. But I'm not sure how. I'm really, really tired. I'm not ok with him dating, I'm rattled by my dream and the psychic, which I realize isn't his fault. And I am not inclined to compete against the eighty or so 20-something women on his Instagram account for my H's attention. I don't know what would have constituted "better."

I definitely get a vibe off him that is a little warmer. I don't know what that means though. It could just be guilt.

I'm definitely not done with him.

He left all his winter clothes & boots here. Also his diplomas, childhood pictures, something that belongs to his mother that's very important to her, and some other things I can't imagine him leaving behind forever.

Somebody help me. I'm so tired. I don't know how to wade through all this, and I need to know what to make of it for my journal and for the start I'm going to make on my DB plan from the book.

[Georgiabelle]

Maybell,

I think you did fine. In regards to leaving stuff behind (pictures, diplomas, etcetera) my xh did the same. They are still here and his FB account says he's married. What to think about that? In my opinion, not too much. Your h has stuff at your house. Don't read anything into it other than your h has stuff at the house. What do I think about my h still having his status as married? Nothing. Maybe he hasn't noticed. Maybe he doesn't care. Doesn't mean anything in particular. I don't say that to be negative-just saying I think we look for meaning in things sometimes that well, are just what they are.

You got some Christmas issues resolved. Now enjoy the season:)

[Ss06]

Maybell, I hear that you're tired. I can't blame you. You've faced so much with so much grace and yet you're still at it.

What can you do for you? Just YOU. Something that celebrates how far you've come without relation to DB or H or all this crapola. What would that be?

Do you think putting this down for a while would help? It's hard to turn our brains off from thinking about it all but it's worth a shot, no? Just for a little bit?

[Maybell]

Ss, my job is just for me. I really enjoy it. There is so much to absorb.

I enjoyed Thanksgiving a lot.

And I'm working on slowly purging my house of everything that is neither useful now beautiful.

I plan to get my nails done this weekend.

I just finished reading a long novel last night and I've got to pick up my book club book tomorrow from the library.

I also have a lot of reading to do for my new job.

I have used grace HERE but not necessarily with my H. I can not express the way the timing of all this blowing up as we executed a cross-country move complicated things for me. I lump it all together as impact of the move, something that wears off over time and therefore isn't really real. Tonight he seemed like My Husband, not the jerk who has cheated and disrespected and abandoned me. It's not real enough.

I'm off to bed. I've been up since 5:30 and I'm toast. Good night, all.

[claire7]

Thinking of you Maybell. I know this is all so hard and you have been so brave and strong. Hang in there.

[Ss06]

I have used grace HERE but not necessarily with my H.

Oh man, this is SO me. It's like the grace flies right out the window when he's around.

He's a grace stealer, that's what he is.

No. Really. Where does the grace go?