Interesting that Summer mentioned her friend. I didn't get to DC until an hour after my brother passed away. One of life's little weird things.
I don't mind you asking. My brother died in Washington, DC. But he resided in Virginia, where he will be buried. You wouldn't believe the red tape required to 1) move a body over state lines; 2) get the death certificate from DC; and 3) get a cremation authorization from DC so that he could be cremated in VA. He is being cremated today, thanks to all the red tape. My parents called this one right all along.
Death is never convenient. Or easy. Or cheap. Sigh. I feel bad for Josh and his living family. It's so hard to coordinate. My sister lives in Indy, so I'm glad it was far enough out for us to make the plans.
Hugs, and more hugs to all of you.
Bets
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Kat - that's what we did when chucks mom died. Had the memorial a couple of months later in the nice weather. It might be the np better idea.
Summer - that is so sweet. Thank you. His dad was just not telling us what was going in from the get go. I encouraged Josh to follow his heart. Much better to go than to live with regret. I can't imagine his dad being alone to make plans yet I wonder why no plans were made. I truly believe he was in denial. None of us wants to believe we are going to lose our loved one yet the truth is - when we went to the fiuneral home before my Mom passed - we were so relieved to learn she had made much of her own arrangements. Made a difficult time easier on us. His dad is Jewish - surprised he isn't doing it quicker as with his relatives.
That IS complicated! I had wondered if they might not bring her to Ontario but it does not sound like it. She is from England, his dad from Montreal. I fully expect he will leave Quebec & move to Toronto after time has passed & he sells the house. Personally, I would have opted for cremation so her ashes could accompany him but she may have had other ideas and made them known.
They are clearing out her room at the nursing home right now. Doesn't sound like they are even going to the Funeral Home until tomm. So I guess I stay put. Until after the big storm.
I'm so sorry for the loss of Josh's mom. Even when we are prepared for the eventuality of it we are never 100% prepared. That is so wonderful that Josh had that premonition and acted on it.
You know, it amazes me how often I hear that story of people being on the way to their loved one and getting there just after they have passed. Heck, I spent weeks sitting by my mom's bedside after she discontinued dialysis only for her to pass when I left the room to fill out paperwork for the nursing home. Gabe as with her thank heavens but it's like she purposely waited for me to not be in the room. Truly amazing.
My prayers and condolences go out to you all. Please express my deepest sympathy to Josh. Although he has no idea who I am, I feel like I know him in a way through your posts about his wonderful kind heart and his loving actions. Peace be with you.
T19 M15 S19 XH47 M43 bomb12/4/07 PA5/07 S12/26/07 D final 11/17/08 Back together with no defined R 05/2010 confused....to say the least!!!
I always tell him about all of you. I'm not sure he quite understands why I still come here (not sure I understand it either) but I think we both agree its because I care about all of you. A lot. I keep telling him that some day we will meet Wii - especially since he lives so close.
Josh is a very kind, gentle man. Such the opposite of my ex. I had an awful dream about Ex last night. We were in the car together and he was driving. (Never a good thing). He said he was going to do an experiment to test his brakes. Threw the car into reverse and took if full tilt towards a cliff. And it was a snowy, icy road. My Ex did stuff like this (seriously). I demanded he stop the car and let me out. UGH!
My Mom wanted me with her daily when she had cancer. And she and my dad were there every day without exception. If one of us was 5 min late - she got upset. I was a newly single mom, ran my business and had Ryan but I made it work. My other 3 siblings did their best to be there often but they had longer hours. One sis lived out of town and didn't visit as much. When I told her it was near the end and insisted she take time off (work had offered it to her but she was in denial about it all) - she came. And guess what? Mom waited til Dad and I had left and passed away when my sister was with her. But that's ok. Strangely, my cousin, who had been planning to visit, showed up that night (after visiting hours) and was also there when Mom passed. I think she was there for my sister. 2 years later when her Mom (my aunt) passed - I got there before she did and was able to offer the same support to her sister. There are no coincidences.
Last month Josh visited his mom. We both pretty much exhausted our air miles since her diagnosis. He called me from the airport (I was by the pool in Florida) and told me he had just seen his Mom for the last time. He was crying. Enroute to Quebec on Tues - he had stopped to take a Conference Call for work. Had he not made that stop - he would have arrived on time. But I think she knew he was coming and let go when she knew he would be there for his dad.
At any rate. Had planned to fly there today. Held off until funeral arrangements were made. They listened to my suggestion and booked it for Monday rather than Wednesday. Josh asked me to come Saturday. Thank God because its a Snow Day here. Everything is shut down. Again. I doubt my flight would have taken off. But Saturday looks good and I will get home very late Monday. He wants to leave after the funeral. I tried to talk him into one more day. Funerals are so emotionally exhausting but he will already have missed a fair bit of work although he is trying to work from his Dad's home.
Barb, I'm very sorry to come here this afternoon and read that Josh's mother passed away. His mother fought the battle w/dignity and unfortunately the man upstairs knew it was time to bring her home, free of pain and suffering. The holidays are difficult enough, but when you lose someone you love and are close to, it makes it more difficult and the memory will always be w/you each and every year.
The feeling Josh has to go to her was because two of them were very close. I'm sorry he didn't get to say goodbye or be w/her to the very end, but sometimes there is a reason for this and maybe she thought the time was right to let go and cross over so that he didn't have to see her do so.
I will keep Josh and all of you in my thoughts and prayers. She is at peace now, looking down over all of you each and every day.
Sit quietly, the answers will reveal themselves when you least expect them to. The past is gone, the present is a gift and you need to focus on today, allow the future to reveal itself when it is ready.
I think people pass when the right people are there. Whether that is due to them wanting certain people because they can accept it better or not I don't know.
My grandmother passed with my Grandpa and Aunt there early in the morning. My aunt is a nurse and had to do the difficult care of not having feeding tubes etc. So Grandma knew she was up to it. I cried like crazy when she died even though I knew it was coming. If she had held on longer, more of us would have been there. So she chose the time that was best for her and all of us as well.
I hope Josh doesn't have bad feelings about not being there at her passing. He wasn't meant to be. He was supposed to be there for his Dad though and it sounds as if he is. It all turns out as it should.
blessings, kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
Both of you say what I am also feeling. I don't think she wanted Josh to see her go but she hung on so his dad had him. Turns out they are even going to go out "with the guys" on Fri night as the rest of us won't be there yet. His dad still has university friends in Montreal. He likes to meet with them but hasn't beem able to for a while. Josh will like that too.
Josh won't live with regret. I have always loved the care & respect he has shown his parents. Speaks volumes in my book
