Hello. all. I am freaking out after a discussion with my H revealed that he is actively seeking an affair... or two, or three.... I NEED HELP! We live in the same house, and I don't see a way out of that. We usually have dinner together with our S14, and I can't even begin to imagine how to pull off the LRT under these circumstances. Regardless of anything between us, I will still be here, in the house, hanging out with my son before he gets on the bus every morning, usually making dinner when I get home, hanging out with him for at least an hour before he goes to bed, and generally being HERE. I am trapped, and as much as I think about escaping, I would never leave my son. I am embarrassed, ashamed, resentful, angry, and so, so hurting. How is the LRT possible in this situation???
Can you arrange to be out of the house when H is there? GAL and figure some way to just go do things for you?
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
It sounds like you need to establish clear boundaries to protect yourself from feeling the way you do. The values that you once shared seem to be different now. I understand and feel those feelings too.
I TRY to push them away and replace them with positive feelings (fake it until you make it), knowing you can be and are the better person. Your son needs this too.
Sit down dinners every night were always an important part of my family's life - I did not want to give that up. I switched the roles of who made this for the family, but we still do that - it's really been all we have left that holds us together and when we can be most civil and when we can show the kids how adults should act. Sometimes it is just a show, but I feel it has been an important one.
I will be giving this up soon though - as I think more of a physical separation is coming my way - and I'm not as shaken as I thought I would be - I have visualized this and planned.
You can do this - don't react. plan.
Me-45 W-44 S21, S18, D15 T-27, M-21 BD Jan 2014 PA revealed March 2014 In-house separation - April 2015 I filed - Aug 2015 She moved out Oct 2015
Little, I do go out to the extent feasible. The rest of the time, I am there because I want to be around for my son. I do need boundaries, but can't figure out what is reasonable and what is important vs. what just bothers me. It is probably impossible to do what I am trying to do, but I have no options with the living situation, really. I am feeling seriously hopeless about anything ever happening, unless I make it happen.
u-turn, I will try to follow your, "don't react. plan." advice. I just don't seem to have full access to my brain currently and when I do, it can fall away quickly during a conversation.
So, I asked H if he would please sleep in the family room downstairs, instead of the couch, and he agreed. Him sleeping on the couch really feels confining to me, as he usually goes to "bed" way before me. That is what he did last night, although he did tell me that a friend offered for him to live in his shop. Now, I am wigged out a bit. It has to be better than living with him though, right?
Hi, Sandi2. To me, the LRT is really about bringing a person back to who they really are and/or who they want to be, regardless of what happens with the M. The difficulty for me with the LRT is the interactions, or lack thereof, with my H. I have a great career, many friends, and an amazing son that I have a good relationship with. My interactions with H, and knowing when not to interact, are a constant source of confusion to me. I really don't know what the heck I am doing in that regard. I could use all the help I could get with that aspect!
