I think it means you are getting perfume for Christmas. Hopefully, it smells good. That's all it means:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Me:30 H:29, no kids T:12, M:4 (when D was final) 12/13: "Don't think I want to be M anymore" 6/14: Separated (I move) 1/15: H filed for D 5/15: D final
I didn't want him to get that for me. I chose it and bought it for myself the week he moved out. I had been wearing the same perfume for several years, one that made me feel fresh, clean, and pretty. When he moved out I chose the new one that made me feel sexier, mysterious, and different. It wasn't for him. It was for me. D11 fell in love with it and has been snuggling up against me breathing it in. I ran out a few weeks ago and I've been waiting for Christmas for the refill because I thought it would be nice to get it from her. It was a very personal purchase. I don't know if he appreciates that.
But I noticed last night while I was prepping vegetables for the week's meals that when my mind wanders it wanders to him and the sitch. So I'm restarting my thought-stopping techniques, and I'm making a list of things to do for me to concentrate on. Also I started reading articles about dropping the rope, and I'm going to get the Language of Letting Go that Labug mentioned earlier. I've also restarted the herbal supplements that I had been taking to help me through the summer that I'd let lapse because I thought I was stronger than I was. And I reached out to a new therapist. (a woman)
One of the tracks in my mind is that if he won't love me then nobody will. I think I need to put that on my list of ideas to explore -- why do I believe that? Because intellectually I don't think it's true. But it is definitely at the root of the fear that makes it hard for me to let go.
I lost track of the effort that letting go requires. It's not something that just happens. So I'm going to take charge of that effort the same way I would take charge of my behavior in a new relationship. Also I'm committing to going back to DR and making a plan for my behavior, not to win him back but so that I can retain (regain?) my dignity.
Sigh. One step forward, seven steps back. Onward.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
One of the tracks in my mind is that if he won't love me then nobody will. I think I need to put that on my list of ideas to explore -- why do I believe that? Because intellectually I don't think it's true. But it is definitely at the root of the fear that makes it hard for me to let go.
Its definitely not true but I have the same fear (very strongly)
I also know that it was this fear that drove some of my codependent behaviour. Im getting a better understanding of what drives it in me and thats helping but for now my bigger concern is how to get past it.
Both mid 30s, 2 young kids BD 7sep14 XW moved on long ago, now living with OM1 D paperwork in progress
One of the tracks in my mind is that if he won't love me then nobody will.
Maybell, I think many of us feel that way. I certainly did. I think part of it has to do with, if the person who is supposed to love me best and promised to stick with me doesn't love me anymore, how could anyone else? In my case, it was also years of being told I didn't look good enough, didn't keep house well enough. My mindset was, I am too flawed to love, and I'm lucky to have this one guy that does. If he stops, there's no one left.
You and I both know that's a crock, that we can have great futures with great guys who will love us deeply. But in my case I need to learn to love myself first, and I'm getting there.
It is difficult when you've shared so much with someone over the years to think you could ever love someone again AND have them love you too. Your ego is bruised and understandably so. It CAN happen. Have a little faith:-)
3 kids BD 12/15/13 (IDKIILY. ) Rope dropped Cirque du Soleil style D final 9-9-14 "Some people are born on 3rd base and go through life thinking they hit a triple." Barry Switzer
Just to be clear, that doesn't mean I didn't love him then and that I don't now. I dated a LOT before I met him and also got myself out of a two-year moderately abusive relationship with a much older man. I chose my H on purpose. But that fear did set me up for a lot of unhealthy behaviors and choices during the marriage (and now). Got in contact with a potential IC today. That's much more complicated to schedule now that I'm working.
My MIL is sending me a Christmas gift and asked for my family's new addresses (parents and two brothers moved in the last year). I hope she doesn't try to call my parents.
Me42, H40 D12, S8, S7 A revealed: 7/13 Sep 4/14; Agreed to D 1/15
I dated a LOT before I met him and also got myself out of a two-year moderately abusive relationship with a much older man. I chose my H on purpose. But that fear did set me up for a lot of unhealthy behaviors and choices during the marriage (and now).
Maybell, I relate to this one. My college bf and I had a pretty dysfunctional relationship, and then I moved here and met H pretty quickly. He was a breath of fresh air after college bf. And I overlooked some things I shouldn't have. And I continued to overlook them for 27 years.
We made the choices we did then, and who can tell us we were wrong? We have good memories and great kids. And we can decide from here what choices to make for our futures.
