Maybell XXIV

[gan]

Yep, better to go with "We'll be at XXXX". Don't get pulled in. He's pushing buttons.

[Ggrass]

Yeap, go with be at x, then think meh.....

Vital information only.

[SunnyB]

Yep, better to go with "We'll be at XXXX". Don't get pulled in. He's pushing buttons.

Yep, this.

[claire7]

Write the snarky reply (helpful hint--keep the To: field blank until you are ready to hit send, so no awkward mistakes!).

Then, delete all the snarky stuff with a "meh.", add his name to the To: field, and hit send.

I find it helps me to just get it out. And now I feel like I have to do that less and less.

[Maybell]

Wrote the recommended email.

Got HUGE spew back and a demand to keep D11 on Christmas Eve and to have the boys come play video games at his place on Christmas day.

Answered that he got Thanksgiving, I get Christmas, and asked him to NOT expect to have the kids during my time. He gets them during the day Christmas Eve and I said he could give them their game then if he wanted.

Also said I'd be happy to discuss this evening when he drops the kids off if he'd prefer.

I'm shaking. This has never happened before.

[SunnyB]

Wrote the recommended email.

Got HUGE spew back

Wow, Maybell. Sorry. Good for you for standing up for yourself, though.

[claire7]

Put on your spew jacket amiright?

That suxx. Sorry. (((Maybell)))

Validate. "I know how hard it is to miss the kids on holidays. It seems like there was a misunderstanding about how we would divide the kids time over christmas?

Something like that? I'm not so good at validating, so don't take my word for it.

[Maybell]

I just said I was sorry the first conversation wasn't more successful, that is found it difficult to focus with the kids interrupting. He had also criticized my Christmas preparations so I said that I was doing the best I could considering I was transitioning into being a full-time single working mom.

Poor guy, can't have Thanksgiving AND Christmas.

[SunnyB]

He had also criticized my Christmas preparations

Grrrrr.....

My H told me the other day that he had always done all the Christmas shopping. I almost bit my tongue off.

[Mozza]

Wow, that's uncomfortable.

I say you need to do a little more validating. It seems to be the DB thing to do every time the WAS complains about something. Validating is not agreeing. So for the first email, you could have written "I can see why you think I'm trying to be mysterious. I was distracted by the kids and replied quickly." Better: look at the cheat sheet in validation for a good formula. A week ago, you were wondering what you can do to progress towards reconciliation and learning to validate seems a good homework. Your reflexes are not there, it seems.

Also, "I've been significantly less mysterious than you"?? Score keeping much?

And by the way, "I'm sorry you are X" is one of the most annoying non-apology I know. I take it as a provocation: "You're such a whiny baby and your feelings are not valid." Then again, English is not my native language.