Going Down Hill 2

[zed]

I really don't understand women or at least the W.

A little bit of history. We have been to mediation 3 times. First time was this aug. It is what actually snapped me out of my way of thinking. I was angry W did not love me anymore etc. So I decided after that day that I did love my W and family and wanted to do anything possible to save it. Started to read books and found this forum.

2nd mediation we decided on a shared custody schedule of 9 days, 5 days and W was supposed to find a new house and buy it. I did not like 9 and 5 and wanted 50/50. But caved to get things moving. Kids would stay in matrimonial house and parents would move. I started taking work away from home to give her some space and try the 9day and 5 day thing. On my days with the kids she would stay around. As I did not mind as I want our kids to have both parents

3 mediation. W decided she did not want to do house thing. Told me that we needed to do something b/c she wanted space. I told her I was giving her space. But she has to take space herself if she wants it so bad. We decided that b/c she did not want to do the 2nd house that the 9 and 5 would be hourly. So for every 9 hours that she has kids I would have 5 hours. The day after Mediation. W told me the hourly thing was "retarded" and that she did not want to follow it. I mean while took more work away from home to give her space.

I worked away for 9 days. Mean while W is spewing at me about how we have to figure out who is moving. And basically saying she is going to throw all my stuff on the lawn. I would barely engage and that would get her spewing even more. I got back after my 9 days of work. For my 5 days with the kids. I told her my schedule and when I was going back to work. It ended up being that I would only have the kids for 4.5 days but it is what worked out the best with work schedule.

So W decided to come back a day early. So I had really 3 days with the kids by myself. The next little bit I will be working around home so we would should be doing the 9 hour 5 hour schedule. She did not want to do that and wanted me to find a place to live. I said if you want me to find a place to live and want to change what we agreed to in mediation that I believe
we should change the 9 and 5 schedule to 7 and 7. This started her spewing how she wants me out of the house. Threating to go to court and throw all my stuff out of the house and calling me a "prick".

When she got home. I took 2 older kids to hockey practice. I let her put kids to bed and started to watch a movie. She came into the same room and started to go through the kids Christmas presents. I was looking at the presents to see what she got them and she made a comment "what you staring at got something to say". I said "No just looking at what the kids got for Christmas.

After that she lighted up a bit. We started to talk about the deals she got on the presents and where she got them and what I got for the kids.

Then this is where it got confusing for me. She told me that she went bra shopping and that she was now a 32 "D". Direct quotes "That's Barbie sht" proud of her self. (These are the same boobs that I just paid for and agreed to about 6 months ago b/c I thought that doing that would maybe make her like me more? I have since learned my lesson) Then she proceeded to tell me how she got hit on while she was shopping. I said "that's good for you". Then she said he was like 16 so it took a lot of balls for him.

So I have no idea why she would be telling me these things. Trying to make me hurt b/c I am not "with her" anymore? Trying to get a rise out of me to make me the bad guy? How can she be so mad at me 1 hour earlier then start to tell me about this stuff?

[BigMac]

How can she have mood swings? Go from happy to sad to hurt to happy?

The emotions in her head are turbulent. So are her actions.

[zed]

Yah I get that BigMac. But I know she was trying to say those things about her being hit on etc. for a reason. I know you are not supposed to mind read. But It would be nice to know what train of thought she had to want to say those things out of the blue. It does hurt me when she says she was hit on or her bragging about her boobs. I try not to show it but I just want to tell her to keep it to herself

[jim0987]

Hi zed there are loads of perfectly plausible explanations for why she might say those things and unfortnately you'll unlikely to ever know, which is why its best not to think about it too much otherwise you can drive yourself nuts

the only thing you have to bear in mind is whether her talking about this stuff to you is something you're willing to accept?

[Vapo]

Zed, really do not try to make sense of it, because there is none to be made. One thing you can count on, you are nothing to her, not even a blip on her radar, a pesky cousin maybe...

[BigMac]

Zed: My STBX used to brag about that all the time when she got her fake new rack. The reality was that she was preparing to be single, and wanted me to thing her SMV (Sexual Market Value) had increased.

She was basically telegraphing that she was hotter then she was before, and felt she was more attractive then me. It's stupid girl games. Really stupid stuff.

Don't play into it, just ignore her. She wants a reaction to validate her. Don't give in to it. It won't work out.

[JCred]

It does hurt me when she says she was hit on or her bragging about her boobs. I try not to show it but I just want to tell her to keep it to herself

Zed.... I feel for you. I really do... Sometimes women are hard to understand, I agree.

You want to know what I really think here?....

You need to have a good old fashion argument. Do a little yelling at her back... Stand up for yourself..... say a couple of things that show her anger...

You ARE disengaged. It seems to me that your wife has felt for a long time that you are disengaged.

Do you know that I have heard more than a few times that a woman who lives with a man who shows little emotion and seems disengaged, would rather have a big old argument now and then with him than to live with a disengaged man?

Do you know women have admitted to wanting to argue with their man JUST to have some engagement from him?

Do you know that Michelle says in DR that conflict is NECESSARY in loving relationships?.. ( page 51, DR)

Do you know some people were brought up in homes where yelling and raising their voices during conflict is a way of life, but they STILL love each other and know no different...

She WANTS engagement.. I would even go so far as to say she wants to see some passion from you. (ANGER)(in WORDS)

such as......

Zed: Wife, I want to say something to you about the other night when we were talking about the kid's Christmas presents....

(your voice rising).... It PIS**ES me off(don't say hurts me.. say PIS**ES ME OFF) that you ___________________ about those F***ING Boobs I bought..... .

AND another thing.... It also PIS**ES me off...

rant and rave for a few minutes.. get some things off your chest.. let her yell back........

SOMETIMES those things are NEEDED.. You seem like the type always in control.. She wants to feel your PASSION.....

That's my take.. Don't let her yell and call you names and then think she will love you if you smile and take it.. Women don't respect men like that. Stand up to her and show her you have some passion about this...

(of course you will say you are sorry later) .. (maybe the next day, but let her chew on THAT for a few hours)

Just sayin.....

[zed]

Thanks Justin. She has mentioned before that there is no passion. I just always think that I should be the better person and let it slip off my back and pretend it doesn't bother me.

[zed]

So Stuff just got real bad. Last time in mediation we had a verbal agreement that while I'm working around home I would have the kids during the night. Day after mediation W decided once again that she did not want to follow that.

Now 3 nights ago W left with the kids. I have not see them since. I texted her tonight "you bringing the kids home soon or did you kidnap them forever". About 1/2 hour later I get a call from her father. This is a guy I always respected and worked hard just like me. If anything I thought her might understand my situation. He proceeds to rip me one. Saying I basically kicked my kids out of the house. Going on about how I a wrong for wanting to stay in the house and fight for 50/50 with the kids.

Now I just want to rip the W a new one. Tell everyone in the small town we live in about how she took the kids. How I just bought her new boobs. I want to cancel all her credit cards and her cell phone I pay for her. Next time I see the kids I want to ask them where they were b/c mommy took them and did not tell me where they were. Or next time I get them I will take them away for a long time.

But I am a good person. And I do not think this is the right thing to do..........

[zed]

I am fuming mad right now. I have always felt like I have been the nice person and husband. And this btch just keeps walking all over me.
I'm going to wreck this girl....