Sorry to jump in here but my WAW has my two Ds once a week and my two Ss won't go with her. My S16 and S20 say that she left them, W has told them both that I was. Of really the problem so both S believe she left for purely selfish reasons. I do not get involved only to assure them that their mum does love them
Not try to hijack just add my perspective. Take care. Rd
Rppfl I'm not so sure about the working out thing. My dad left when I was eleven and it's taken almost 35 years for us to reconsct My two S still live their mum and show it but they don't know who she is now and treat her quite off hand. I encourage them to interact with her , which they do but only to a point. My two Ds act like all is ok when W is here but they are very sad on the inside.
For me the WAS must have a mental blockage when it comes to their kids because my W was a great mum and now it's like she's a bad aunt
I'm not so sure about the working out thing. My dad left when I was eleven and it's taken almost 35 years for us to reconnect.
Wow, rd, I'm sorry that has worked out that way for you. I'm hoping that D16 and H work it out soon. She won't go over there, but she will do family things with him, and she talks to him if we are all together, although she has a sharp tongue (which she gets from him, ironically). I have even asked him to pick her up from or take her to places and she goes along with that. So I'm hopeful.
rpp- When I was a senior in High School, my best friend's dad had an affair that came to light in a particularly unfortunate way. He always wanted to save his marriage, but I remember there was a tense 3 or four months where no one knew what was going to happen. My friend forgave him fairly quickly and his wife finally decided after a couple of months to give him another shot. The last holdout was the 16 year old daughter. She took a long time. I think that may be a particularly tough age for this sort of thing between daughters and Dads - idealistic enough to still want to believe them perfect but old enough to really understand the weight of the betrayal.
Good morning! Nothing more to journal today. H and I exchanged a couple Christmas gift related texts, and later he told me that a mutual friend said "hi", they were out to dinner together. This morning he sent an email clarifying a calendar question I had yesterday, no need to respond.
My GAL this weekend is going to have to be getting ready for Christmas, I have a million things left to do. It's H's weekend with D12 but he asked me to take her on Friday night, so we are going to the Heat game. Other than that, I don't have anything special planned, but I know I'll be busy.
Last night my Ds were scrolling through our calendar app (Cozi) and they came upon a weekend in February where I had put that I'd be out of town. Honestly, I put that in there a few weeks ago so that H wouldn't ask me to swap weekends with him, it's Valentines day. I didn't actually have any plans. But the girls started going crazy and asking who I was going out of town with and asking if I had a bf. Ummmm.....no girls, I'm M, I don't have a bf. (H and I have a history of bad Valentine's Days, I mentioned one awful story here a while back, and I was totally jealous that he might actually treat someone else really nicely on Valentine's. Now I'm not sure I care, but it could also be fun to actually go out of town!)
I haven't said anything to either H or D12 about the extra day, I'll let that sit a while longer. The reason I'd bring it up to H now is that it would take him a few weeks to clear up his weeknight calendar, so he'd need some notice. But he's not pressing for more time, so I'll think on it a little more and maybe bring it up after Christmas.
Originally Posted By: raliced
I think that may be a particularly tough age for this sort of thing between daughters and Dads - idealistic enough to still want to believe them perfect but old enough to really understand the weight of the betrayal.
raliced, I think this is a pretty accurate assessment. D16 wanted dad to be her hero, and is crushed that he turned out to be human after all. And he crashed and burned in such a spectacular way, adultery, lies, betrayal, abandonment (her words). It's sad, but I think they will eventually be OK.
Finally (this has turned out to be long for someone with nothing to say), my birthday is in three weeks and I was thinking about throwing myself a little birthday party. Not call it that, just ask some friends to get together for no particular reason . I feel like I don't have all that many friends these days, so I'm going back and forth with myself like a middle-schooler, what if people don't come? Sigh......I have such a long way to go in the self confidence department.
For the sole purpose of playing nice and moving a little closer towards 50/50. No other reason.
H originally suggested 50/50 in the form of one week mom, one week dad. I said no, and countered with every other weekend, which really amounted to 2 days out of 14. He agreed. Later, but before the S, I offered our current schedule of 5 days out of 14. He agreed again. And that's what we've been doing for the past month, it is working well for both of us, and D12 is happy with it.
I'm just trying to keep in mind that he did originally propose 50/50 and inching towards that. If I were to propose it and he said no, then it would be no big deal to me. And D12 would never know.
Then offer it.
He should have 50/50.
16 yr olds are emotion driven to. the. max. At least most are and that goes for both sexes. His leaving her alone to figure it out is probably the best thing he could do for now.
We can control no one.
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
Why not ccall it a birthday party? My birthday was a couple of weeks ago and I have some friends who have been with me through the good and bad of life. Just a few. I said I want to get together to celebrate my birthday, no gifts just us being together, celebrating where we are today.
Some could make it, some couldn't. They loved the idea that I invited them to celebrate with me, "threw my own party."
Me 57/H 58 M36 S 2.5yrs R 12/13
Let me give up the need to know why things happen as they do. I will never know and constant wondering is constant suffering. Caroline Myss
raliced, I think this is a pretty accurate assessment. D16 wanted dad to be her hero, and is crushed that he turned out to be human after all. And he crashed and burned in such a spectacular way, adultery, lies, betrayal, abandonment (her words). It's sad, but I think they will eventually be OK.
When 2 of our close friends found out the truth about what WAW was doing they had a very interesting reaction. Almost in unison they said to me that they were going to " hate the sin and love the sinner". I am not yet capable of such compasion but hearing that has certainly caused me to stop and think about a lot of things. Maybe D16 could benefit from these words.
M42 W40 T17 M15 S13 S11 BD 7-14 A discovered 7-14 WAW moved out 10-3-14 D final 2-23-15
. I feel like I don't have all that many friends these days, so I'm going back and forth with myself like a middle-schooler, what if people don't come? Sigh......I have such a long way to go in the self confidence department.