Jim0987 #7 - rebuilding but can't tell what it is

[Hoju]

Hang in there Jim, tomorrow is another day and each one that passes life will get easier. Everyone on this board understands exactly what you're going through. If you need a day to just lay in bed and cry and feel sorry for yourself then take it.

As for timelines no one can predict or control the future as much as we may try. Most relationships fizzle out within 6 months but each one is different so who knows. The key is to take things one day at a time, when you feel ready to move on you will, in the mean time it costs you nothing to continue to work on yourself.

Nothing will ever change the fact that you are your kids father. How your kids view you and feel about you is 100% up to you, if you love and take care of them you will always be there daddy.

[sandi2]

In amongst that was this gem from my mum, when talking about whether i might have aspergers or something in that territory
'i didnt tell i loved you because it always seem to make you uncomfortable'

Wow! (hugs)

Maybe you felt uncomfortable b/c she would not tell you.

[jim0987]

Thank you.

[jim0987]

So this evenings interaction with wife consisted of her asking if i'm going out, and what time i'm going out.(3 times - I answered each time)

As soon as i pulled up on the drive she switched everything off downstairs and went to her room before i got in the front door.

She came downstairs to get something she forgot. I said 'Hi' she completely blanked me - didnt even look at me.

it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside........

[jim0987]

question? and this might be one for Starsky if he's reading

the whole on again off again affair with OM1 is just picking up again. He and my W work together, W's best friend also works there and is having an affair (has for over a year) with another of the colleagues.

I dont know how common this knowledge is at her place.

Their Boss lives 4 doors down from me and it would be very easy for me to tell him and their place will have rules against that sort of thing.

In standing up for my marriage is there any merit in exposing the affair to her work place? it would likely end it pretty quickly as he is nervous about it anyway. But it would cause tremendous collatoral damage in my W's trust in me and she would really hate me for it.

If I were to expose it is there a better way of doing this?

i'm not in a positive place and probably its fear and ego talking but ultimately i want to stand for my marriage.

[Mozza]

So this evenings interaction with wife consisted of her asking if i'm going out, and what time i'm going out.(3 times - I answered each time) As soon as i pulled up on the drive she switched everything off downstairs and went to her room before i got in the front door. She came downstairs to get something she forgot. I said 'Hi' she completely blanked me - didnt even look at me. it makes me all warm and fuzzy inside........

Something tells me you should stop describing every day interactions with your W. This one seems very mundane for the kind of sitches we're in, especially yours. It's like you're craving to tell the world "I'm rejected!", maybe to be reassured? You're very affected by these interactions even though your focus should be on the future and yourself. Try perhaps not to describe them for a few days and see if you are less affected by them?

[jim0987]

I take your point entirely. I'm letting my emotion get the better of me.

[Hoju]

Do not expose your W's A to her boss, it's not your place to say anything and it's likely they already know, these things don't stay secret for long. Even if everything plays out exactly as you see it in your head and W and OM call it off, where does that leave you? W now hates you even more and is back onto one night stands until she finds OM3.

It sounds like W and OM1 is a rocky relationship so I'm not sure why you are so concerned they are going to ride off into the sunset and live happily ever after. Just let it die naturally and spend your time now becoming the man only a fool would leave.

I can't imagine being treated the way your W is treating you now, I'm so sorry. Best just to give her time and space, she will come around.

[Ggrass]

You could look at it as she was waiting up or not.

She didn't want to talk, so she could b thinking.

[gan]

Hey Jim, Thanks for stopping by my thread lately. I've just been catching up on your sitch. I can see that you are doing some GAL activities (squash, kick boxing etc) Those things are a great release but I wondered if you have tried mindfulness (meditation)? You're head seems to be doing over time, analyzing interactions etc (similar to what Mozza said).

Not that I'm a particularly good advertisement for it at the moment ;-) but I wondered if you might find mindfulness useful in trying to train yourself to just sit back and watch thoughts and things pass by a little more.

There are some great apps out there.