I just sent them both a text, "So, are we going to try and live in a co-operative manner or are we going to ruin Christmas? I luv you both and don't expect perfection (I'm certainly not perfect) but I do expect an attempt by both of you to respect my needs. Are you in...or out?"
D20 texted me back and said "Yes, that's fine but D17 and I have some concerns we don't voice and would like to talk about them too. Maybe we can do that when we're all together." I responded, "that's fine too but just keep in mind that if you're going to start throwing demands at me right now it may not go well for you. I want to know that my girls care enough to value and respect my feelings right now...that is what I need." We shall see.
After another exchange I told her "I'm open to your concerns but keep in mind that I am in no frame of mind to be handed a set of demands right now...I know I'm not perfect but I'm a damn good father and you keep that in mind before you put anything on the table for discussion. I will not negotiate respect for my feelings...that's non-negotiable" She phoned me a few minutes later and said that she was at the store and wondered whether I liked Almond or Soy milk...and then told me she was going to make dinner tonight. It's a start.
Wow, I feel guilty. My 3 girls and I live with my 70 year old dad. The 4 of us have the bad habit of moving from one thing to the next without cleaning up. I never thought of it as being disrespectful. It probably doesn't help, but at least one person heard your message.
Well, on our way to my Mom's to help decorate her Christmas tree the girls and I had a good talk. They had a plan called "zoning" where each of us takes a certain part of the apartment and is responsible for general upkeep. D20 is taking the kitchen, D17 is taking the bathroom and I am taking the living room. I think they got this idea from their jobs...zoning. Anyway, they had a few other suggestions and things they disliked about our living sitch e.g. D20 doesn't like me leaving my books on the living room table cuz she has nowhere to put her dirty dishes lol. So they both agree that we stick with a sparse amount of dishes otherwise they pile up. It went well and they listened to my pet peeves e.g. change the toilet paper roll, hang the bathroom mat when you're done etc. WE shall see...at least we saved Christmas lol.
Sounds like it went well. I have a similar problem when my grown kids are here. They would not change a roll and tend to spread out everywhere. This year I am going to discuss how we will keep things looking good with their help. Brandon is usually pretty good but sits in my fav chair,moots the TV etc. we have other tvs for hockey & other chairs. I also asked him to babysit one night so Josh & I can go out as it is rare we get to do so. He was happy to comply. I think he just needed to be asked.
Communication is key. Aren't you glad you spoke up?
D20 cleaned the entire kitchen last night! Today she woke up and told me that she was so happy. She says she's spending time with her friends and has a decent amount of hours at work (she's also pulling two nine hour overnights Monday and Tuesday doing set up work in the store...and doesn't seem to mind!) She feels like a part of the team there, enjoys her work and is getting lots of nice compliments from her customers. A manager also complimented her on how well she handles difficult clients. This is all music to my ears...after the last few years anyway. I spent six hours yesterday wandering around downtown photographing my city. Hey, come to think of it, I might have photographed the theatre that Barb was at watching Donnie and Marie at! I finished my Xmas shopping at 9:30 am this morning at Walmart . I bought some wrapping paper and I'm all ready to desecrate the sanctity of Christmas by doing my own wrapping. What must be...must be.
Cool WII! Did you catch Josh & I exiting the theatre? We walked a block or so because we parked at Roy Thompson. Used to go to the Symphony regularly so we are used to that parking lot. Great show!
Glad you are seeing positive changes in your daughter. Sometimes it just takes time. And a different approach.
Picked up my son (lives in Little Italy) and drove north with Jim. I've invited him to Florida for the past 3 years. Gave up. Today I didn't mention it & he told me he thinks he might visit me there. Progress!
