Start Whining H texted me just now and told me he was waiting on an email list I'd promised to send. I sent it last night. And then texted him and told him I'd sent it. So I sent him a screen shot of the text and he said, "oh yes I got that". And I asked him if I should resend the email and he said "I have it. No problem." Where's his brain? If this were a friend, I'd say the same thing. None of them are that ditzy. Well....maybe one. End Whining
Good morning, everyone. Nothing to report from RPP's Limbo Land. No more contact with H yesterday after the Christmas list texts. Home with the girls all evening, they are both studying for mid-terms. D16 has her last two today and then is out for winter break; D12 has her last two today but then still has school tomorrow. S19 has his last final tomorrow and then will be home. Yay for all my kiddos home!
I told D12 this morning that if she wanted to show me her room at dad's place, I'd come over after Christmas. So far I've refused to have anything to do with the place, didn't even want to hear about it. But I've had a change of heart and if it's important to her for me to see it, I'll go. It's part of my moving on process.
But I've had a change of heart and if it's important to her for me to see it, I'll go. It's part of my moving on process.
I'm so proud of you for getting here so quickly, rpp. This is so incredibly powerful, and it's just uplifting to see you defining who YOU are in this whole process. I'm a firm believer in what goes around, comes around. You will receive many times over for being this person.
There is something to be said (well, not enough said anyway) for accepting "what is". Whatever the situation, acceptance goes a long way toward detaching and creating a happy life. I'm not saying you have to like things, but acceptance is the very first step in creating the best "Plan B". Life is all about Plan B (or C or even Z, lol).
One of my friend's daughters is a year younger than my D20 and played volleyball with her. The family is delightful, and their D19 is the middle girl (of 3 girls) and was probably one of the most angry girls I've ever met. She was diagnosed at a young age with juvenile diabetes, and spent her entire childhood sabotaging herself because she didn't accept her diagnosis. Her mom spent most of the early childhood creating a lifestyle for the whole family that didn't exclude this kiddo, and she just wouldn't follow suit. Counseling, help from friends, nothing was working. Her mom was absolutely terrified of her going to college in Ohio (where she is).
Her senior year, she got really, really sick and wound up in the hospital. The doctor told her that she wouldn't be living long, and would start losing limbs and eyesight if she didn't change, and told her that it was her choice. I don't know if this was an epiphany or she just hit rock bottom, but she finally moved off the square extraordinarily quickly. She embraced a lifestyle of acceptance and decided to live with the disease rather than against it. And guess what? She is truly a happy kid now. I couldn't believe how different she was after she accepted "what is" and lived within the restraints of her blood sugar issues. She looks back now and wonders why she wasted so much time hating reality for the lousy draw of cards.
I can think of more than a handful of times where I fought "what is" as well. My teenage BF was an alcoholic, and I got some help when he asked me to go to his first AA meeting. The first step. It takes a lot of courage to do it.
You seem so much more at peace with the person you want to be. That giving heart you have is filled with love, so it holds no place for anger. Personally, rpp, I'm positive that you are one of the people here who are successes just because you are following your own path, by your design. Not living by default or by reacting to changes that others make. It's a blessing. It is also extremely emotionally healthy, BTW.
I think that many of us here (especially the moms) put a whole lot of importance on "things". Your D12's room at her dad is a place she will stay when she is with her dad. Nothing more, nothing less. It's no different if she showed you her camping tent. Yes, it represents that her parents are living apart. But that room isn't the cause.
BTW, I'm sorry it's taken me so long. I got back from my brother's funeral/burial Sunday night, and I've been feeling an emotional hangover since then. I haven't even really started my shopping. (I'm usually way done by now.) We've decided to make this a low key holiday and thank goodness, everyone feels the same way in my family. I was so spaced out that I even forgot to go get my D17 after school on Tuesday. I'm really glad my D20 is home - she's been really helpful. I hope you have a happy heart when they are all home with you this weekend!
Keep going, rpp. You're really cooking on gas right now.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
Rpp I have to agree with Betsey, you are so strong! Yours was one of the first threads I read when I joined here and you seem like a totally different person now, so confident and at peace. Well done!
Betsey - so sorry about what you're going through, no wonder you are emotional. Take care. x
Me - 44 Husband - 47 D20, S18 BD - Aug 2013 Moved out - Jan 2014 OW discovered Jan 2014
Rpp I have to agree with Betsey, you are so strong! Yours was one of the first threads I read when I joined here and you seem like a totally different person now, so confident and at peace. Well done!
Thank you Stacey. I was so lost in the beginning. I thought I had a great life, didn't see a thing coming. Right after BD I was operating from a place of fear. But once I identified the fears and faced them, things weren't so bad after all. It's the monster under the bed that disappears when you shine the flashlight under there.
I don't know what happens next, but it's going to be good stuff.
Betsey, you and your family have been on my mind. I am sure you are exhausted in every way, and I hope you get some relaxing time with your daughters while they are out of school.
Originally Posted By: Underdog
I'm so proud of you for getting here so quickly, rpp.
Thanks for saying that. In some ways, I feel like accepting H's apartment is admitting I don't care where he lives. But.....right now I don't. I'm content with things just the way they are at the moment.
Today I talked on the phone to a friend of mine, we used to be really close when our older kids were all little and we did a lot of things as families and as couples. But as the kids got older I hadn't seen her as much. I told her H and I were S, she didn't know. Her response was interesting. She said that she had always thought of me as very independent, that she wasn't sure who had left who, that she wasn't really surprised, and she asked if anything was really all that different. I found her response intriguing. It painted me in a more powerful light than I had been seeing myself.
Originally Posted By: Underdog
She was diagnosed at a young age with juvenile diabetes,.
My D16 was diagnosed with T1D (juvenile diabetes) a few days after she turned 8. I am in fact terrified of her going to college. But she's been a big lesson in I can't change circumstances, I can't change people. At diagnosis, I would have traded places with my child in a heartbeat, taken the disease on myself in exchange for her health. But I couldn't. I had to learn to manage what had been dealt us. Big lesson in the "what is".
Originally Posted By: Underdog
You seem so much more at peace with the person you want to be. That giving heart you have is filled with love, so it holds no place for anger. Personally, rpp, I'm positive that you are one of the people here who are successes just because you are following your own path, by your design. .
Keep going, rpp. You're really cooking on gas right now.
I do feel at peace with who I am and who I want to be. I feel free now to find out who that RPP is, I felt like my M didn't allow her to be herself. I'm not blaming H for that, I own up to shoving myself aside. And it won't happen again.
Good morning! Yesterday afternoon D16 got her driver's license. Yay! Nothing with her is easy, and this process was a bear, I ended up hiring a driving instructor just to get myself out of the middle. And it was worth it.
Last night D12 was with H, and D16 went out with bf to celebrate the license, so I was home by myself. (Well, with a dog and two cats.) I wrapped some Christmas presents, and watched a movie on demand that I had been wanting to see. That's different for me, that I would actually take the time to watch something I wanted. Ha! Seems like such a small thing, but yet that's the truth. I don't watch a lot of tv anyway (no time!) and when I did it was just because I was trying to sit with H and so it was whatever he wanted.
It's H's weekend, but I'm taking D12 tonight because H asked me to. We are going to a basketball game. Fun.
What did you decide about the extra day for H with D12?
I decided to offer it to him. But I haven't yet. I will either add it to next week's calendar email or bring it up in person at Christmas. (Although it's hard to get a private conversation with three other people in the house. Talking in bed is not an option!)
