Had an out of the blue call from an old friend (well, friend with benefits) from high school who lives in Atlanta, ironically, just down the road from OM.
Careful
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Had an out of the blue call from an old friend (well, friend with benefits) from high school who lives in Atlanta, ironically, just down the road from OM. (I did tell her that if she ever got the urge to slash tires or tamper with brake lines, I knew just the place LOL). I spent an hour unloading about my sitch. Turns out she had a similar issue with her husband's parents. At least mine are nice to my W's face; hers are just plain nasty. They have managed to survive, but they required quite a bit of counseling. I hadn't talked to her in years; it's amazing how many old friends have popped out of nowhere in the last three months.
It's like "gaydar." Guys suddenly appearing to MAYBE be single again, send out some pheromone or something, lol. When I was going thru it with my wife, I was STUNNED at the interest I drew, having not been "out there" for 22 years at that point. I even had two very attractive female co-workers come by my office one way, just say "hi" and then stand there in the doorway, staring in at me. "What did you need?" I asked them. "Oh nothing . . . we'd just heard how great (my first and last name) looked, so we wanted to come by and see for ourselves."
You could have picked my jaw up off the floor.
THEN, about 30 seconds after the two of them leave, the one that I knew better comes BACK into my office, lowers her voice, and says "I heard about you going thru some stuff with your wife, and that you're trying to work it out. So I won't pry. But if you suddenly find yourself single again, I would LOVE to know about it." Smiles at me, and leaves.
That all being said, ENJOY THE FEELING, but I absolutely echo what Sandi just wisely said: careful.
yeah, I guess it is kind of risky. The chance of me falling into a PA with her is nil, she never comes out this way anymore, but I'm in exactly the right frame of mind for an EA. I don't need to go there. I just crave connecting with friends and I jumped on it. Need to watch things, Rzr.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Had an out of the blue call from an old friend (well, friend with benefits) from high school who lives in Atlanta, ironically, just down the road from OM. (I did tell her that if she ever got the urge to slash tires or tamper with brake lines, I knew just the place LOL). I spent an hour unloading about my sitch. Turns out she had a similar issue with her husband's parents. At least mine are nice to my W's face; hers are just plain nasty. They have managed to survive, but they required quite a bit of counseling. I hadn't talked to her in years; it's amazing how many old friends have popped out of nowhere in the last three months.
It's like "gaydar." Guys suddenly appearing to MAYBE be single again, send out some pheromone or something, lol. When I was going thru it with my wife, I was STUNNED at the interest I drew, having not been "out there" for 22 years at that point. I even had two very attractive female co-workers come by my office one way, just say "hi" and then stand there in the doorway, staring in at me. "What did you need?" I asked them. "Oh nothing . . . we'd just heard how great (my first and last name) looked, so we wanted to come by and see for ourselves."
You could have picked my jaw up off the floor.
THEN, about 30 seconds after the two of them leave, the one that I knew better comes BACK into my office, lowers her voice, and says "I heard about you going thru some stuff with your wife, and that you're trying to work it out. So I won't pry. But if you suddenly find yourself single again, I would LOVE to know about it." Smiles at me, and leaves.
That all being said, ENJOY THE FEELING, but I absolutely echo what Sandi just wisely said: careful.
Starsky
It's interesting, I have noticed a few instances of admiring looks from female co-workers lately...nobody but my boss knows my sitch. There's one recruiting manager who pops up from her cube like a gopher every time I walk through her area.
Maybe it's because I lost so much weight and I'm dressing better, but it's been a desperately needed boost regardless. I stay away, because I know I'm very vulnerable to female attention right now.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Not sure how to read this...she did have the pullback/spew this week as Starsky predicted. She's not spewing anymore, but she feels distant. Maybe it's just me. She's basically friendly with me, we talk. We talked briefly about family stuff and my conversation with my parents yesterday. She's overly concerned with what my parents say, as if that's going to change anything. I just told her what they said to me and that it was irrelevant to us. I thought that me going dark with my parents would relieve some stress for her, but it doesn't seem to have done that, at least not in any way I can see. Maybe she's waiting for me to backslide and contact them.
Last night wasn't unpleasant, but it was distant. I just gave her space and kept things steady and upbeat on my end. We worked out, did a few household things, and went to bed. Not sure what else to do. It's only been 7 days since she cut off OM. No evidence of any further contact.
Gave me a kiss and a long hug when she left for work this morning. I had to drop by her work and retrieve my wallet from her car. We chatted pleasantly for a bit, compared schedules, and then I went on my way. Yesterday she had lost her engagement ring and was freaked out about it until I found it. It's good to know she cares if she's wearing her rings (I know, mind reading).
Last edited by Rzrback; 12/18/1403:33 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Praying and hoping and thinking good thoughts. Marathon, not a sprint.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
I think she will be moody until she gets through the addiction withdrawal. My suggestion is to be careful you don't put her under a magnifying glass. Don't be asking her how she's feeling (referring to her mood, getting over OM, if she's mad at you, if she feels okay, etc.) b/c this could feel like pressure for her. There may be a lot of days she seems distant and/or depressed. It is not easy going through this.
It is a difficult time for you, as well. You need to support her, be sensitive to what she's going through.....and yet don't smother her. Tough stuff, right?
I think it may help if you try to keep the atmosphere light through the next couple of weeks. Bring home some hilarious movies to watch together. Maybe catch a live show somewhere, or something special going on in town. If she doesn't want to go, don't push. Try to screen out any sad movies/songs b/c she will feel down while going through this.
Continue to show a positive and upbeat attitude. I don't know your personality, but some men over-kill on this when at times they just need to be quite and act normal. There may be times you'll just need to leave her alone.
DBing is not over by a long shot. You have simply entered into another area. It's just as hard work as before. If you're smart, you won't stop.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Sandi, thanks. Sounds like I did what I needed to do last night. She didn't bring up OM at all, and neither did I. I sensed that she needed space so I didn't press her for conversation. I didn't try too hard to be in the same room with her. I gave her my full attention when we did talk; made sure I met her eyes as much as I could. I did keep my attitude positive and upbeat, even when D15 dropped her iPhone and cracked the screen for the fourth damn time since she's had it :-)
We talked briefly about my family situation but she initiated.
Asking her how she's doing can trigger a spew, as I found out on Tuesday night.
Last edited by Rzrback; 12/18/1404:47 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
