KGirl - one year later

[Maybell]

Somewhere reading this last post of yours I got this image of you from a few months ago when you were frantic about the car and the cat and it just totally contrasted with the you who was writing today. It is really amazing the difference. You were a girl when you moved out and now you sound like a woman. I LOVE it.

Whatever you end up doing, just remember to keep your eye on the prize, which is You who has grown out of this experience. Be sure you treat that awesome lady the way she deserves.

And keep us posted.

[TLEE86]

How did the dinner go?

[KGirl]

Just got back. It was.. a dinner? And that's about it, I guess. But I'm ok. I'm not really sad, not crying, it wasn't anything in either direction.

We were at the restaurant for about two hours... just talked about a bunch of random things (friends, changes in our work, family, things we've been up to, etc.) I talked about some trips I've been on, some arts and crafts classes/projects I've been doing, etc. Besides work, apparently the main thing he's done is spend a ton of time with some game on his phone (whichever one Kate Upton is in the commercials for). He talked for like 15 min. about the game and showed me it on his phone... and told me he spent over $200 on it in less than a month. That is a LOT of money for what he makes. It kind of demonstrated that he's not ready to grow up yet. He apparently played it so much at Thanksgiving that his mom yelled at him for being on his phone all day and not spending time with family. So I felt like I made a good showing of my efforts to get out there and GAL. Him, not so much.

We had one business thing to talk about - I changed my address w/ USPS, but it's hard to say what they decide to do when there's mail addressed to BOTH of us, and they ended up actually forwarding our property tax bill to me instead. I gave it to him and asked him to let me know if there was a shortage from the escrow and I'd send him a check for the difference. He was kind of upset that it went to me.. but what am I supposed to do? Not much of a choice in the matter. He then said "I guess this is why it's important to get your name off of things."

We went out to our cars, and he said "So I was planning on filing the paperwork tomorrow morning, but work is kind of busy, so I don't know." Proceeded to say some things about how he didn't want to lead me on because there is a point one percent [0.1%] chance that he'd change his mind but figured it wouldn't hurt anything to go do dinner so that's why he agreed. And that this was all really hard, but he still didn't think anything would change from what he was unhappy about before. I made a joke from his favorite movie, Dumb and Dumber, and said the line " So you're telling me there's a chance?" (Jim Carrey says that after some girl tells him there's like a one in a million chance she'd go out with him). He said "well I guess but it's very very small."

So his comment about maybe filing the paperwork tomorrow seemed to say he's doing it but doesn't know when. Then as we're walking he said "I don't know, I might wait until I talk to my counselor in January. I'll let you know when or if I file." ??? Now it's an "if"? He sounds confused. He said he's had doubts this whole time but has been working hard to overcome those doubts so he can be confident in his decision, rather than looking into those doubts. Bleh. But you know what, I think that's it. That's enough from me at this point. I told him I wasn't going to reach out again, and to just let me know when he turns it in. We hugged and went to our cars.

So, meh, I dunno. Do I miss him? Yeah, I do. But I wasn't super impressed with some of what he said (between the phone game thing and then he said something about liking to watch "So You Think You Can Dance" and how there are cute girls on there.. hello, you are saying this TO MY FACE?) I don't know that anything's changed, but I looked good, I think I was my best self, and maybe that will leave him something to think about. Maybe it will percolate in his brain for awhile. But he's just really not worth my time and energy given what's up with him right now. I'm just still astonished about this f-ing phone game!! He sure better have the money to pay me for my part of the house, then. Maybe that is a part of me that is not going to change but I don't think I'm crazy for thinking it's unreasonable to be spending so much money on a video game... and he said he's going to keep buying stuff for it because it's worth it (because it "speeds up the game"). Maybe this is why women often date older men instead of ones that are the same age? ; )

[KGirl]

I did clean my bathroom just in case I ended up wanting to invite him over :S But nope, had no interest in doing that. And now I have a clean bathroom!

[Calibri]

Hey, I'd love to have a clean bathroom right now. ;-)

I'm glad you went to dinner and experienced what you experienced. Regardless of the outcome, I think it gave you the answers you were looking for.

And I have to agree with the addiction to the phone game. That's a bit much.

[KGirl]

Can I just say that there was a time where I contemplated spending $0.99 to move past a level on candy crush that I was really stuck on and he told me that was dumb and a waste of money??

He did pay for dinner, so I consider that a positive outcome - free dinner!

There were points where I could feel my anxiety start to rise and I was able to calm down. He was talking about how he's had to spend a lot of time in a city about an hour and a half away the past month or so to help someone in the company with a transfer thing, and it's like 2-3 days a week for several weeks in a row that he stays there. He was telling me a story about how they had some bottles of liquor in the hotel rooms and how it seemed the housekeeping people had stolen them. I started to think "why does he have alcohol? who is he drinking with? what's he doing?" and get anxious. Then I stopped and thought "You know, if I was out doing that with coworkers we'd probably be drinking too!" It's hard for me to not automatically assume something nefarious or hurtful (to me) is happening, but I think I can do it in time.

[paul19510]

Kgirl, sounds like a nice night and it sounds like you got some answers to those questions. I've spoken to my stbxw less and less. Each time I see how limitless she changed and how much I have. I wonder if we were on a blind date...would I ask her out a second time or just keep going. Sounds like you had that kind of time too....

[paul19510]

***little she has changed**** dang autofill...lol

[Mozza]

$200 on a phone game? Pathetic. At the game company, he's probably up there in the top list of suckers. On a PowerPoint, they have a slide called "You wouldn't believe how much people are willing to spend to speed up the game" and they get oohs and aaahs out of it.

I think your WAH did a lot of ridiculous things at this dinner and you did superbly. Talking about pretty girls on TV is one such thing. He was likely trying to get a reaction, perhaps getting you into bed. Psss.

You're in the right place, detaching. Seen from here, without any attachment to this guy, he doesn't seem like a winning ticket, while you show grace and maturity. I understand it's different in reality, but it's enough for me not to give you my usual pep talk about your chances and just to encourage you to get out there and at least see what kind of man there are. Know your options before you bet on this one again.

[claire7]

K-Girl, your strength, and growth over the last bunch of months is screaming through this post. You should feel so proud of yourself! I had my doubts about this dinner, but it sounds like you knocked it out of the park. You go girl.

(((K-girl)))