Card29 VII

[Card29]

Man I love your comments.

I just saw this somewhere else, almost wondered if you wrote it: "At some point you have to give up hope for a better past."

[Card29]

One step at a time right now for me. Next step is find my toothpaste. It's buried somewhere amongst a couple dozen boxes and bags in my new home (which happens to be my old home).

[NewB3]

Thank you. I definitely do not want to go back to the old marriage. That's kind of what has me even more anxious now...here is a detached look at how my mind has been spinning the last couple of days:

I can clearly see some the roots of our problems, I can see that they're fixable, I'm doing everything I can to fix my "bad roots", every expert and veteran who studies marital problems says our particular issues are permanently fixable, she wants affection, I want affection, she wants what is best for D2, she wants us to be together as a family on Christmas Day and at church because that would be good for D2...all of that should add up to wanting to at least try to reconcile, right? So when she shows that she still is not interested in reconciling, I'm devastated.

Just trying to survive this housing transition and go from there.

I remember feeling the same way. I knew my WAW was stressed and seeing what was coming, but nothing changed her mind on R. It is devastating. I know once I left, her stress level went way up. Being a single parent, selling our home, waiting for a bite to find another home for herself. Well, now that we each have our own place....we shall see.
Hang in there. Post here as a journal, ask questions as need. Always expect the worst and you will never be disappointed 😃

[Card29]

Woke up this morning not feeling particularly good about myself. And I hadn't thought about one small detail regarding my new arrangement that I am going to grow tired of very quickly...my mom's house doesn't have a fenced-in back yard. So no more letting the dogs out in the morning while I get D2 and myself ready. I have to walk them. I really don't have time for that. Additionally, I couldn't find their collars this morning (buried somewhere), so I had to try to stand in the backyard with them off of the leash. Predictably, a particular one of my dogs ended up running off. So then I had to put the other one and wander around the street looking for her. Still a lot to do my old house, which all has to be done today. But I can't even begin working on the rest of it until about 6:00 pm tonight. I'm just overwhelmed right now.

[Card29]

I have never felt the need to control anyone, and especially not W. But now that we're going through this, I'm realizing that I have a fear of lack of control with her decision to stay in this marriage, especially after she made it clear that she wants to move on after several months of separation. I'm not acting on the fear, except for occasional pursuit, and it is hurting me more than anything. Trying to let go.

[rd500]

Hi Card29, sorry your so down, her decision, is just that, hers. None of us can control our spouces and even if we could , to what end. Our spouces are making (rightly or wrongly is our opinion) decisions for themsleves and thats all they want to do at the moment. For me, and it took months, it was accepting that W has to travel down her own road, its incredible hard on me and the kids but she HAS to do it. If not it will raise its head again. People only accept help and advice when they want it and at the moment most of our WAS do not want it. If your W wants a life with you then you can both decide on working on your R. Its crap but thats what we all face. Pick yourself up as soon as you can and deal with the sitch as best you can. I wish I could offer better advice/news but this is our reality. take care rd

[Card29]

That's all anyone really can say to me. It is the best advice. I just don't know why I need to keep hearing it in order to be sane. I thought I'd accepted it back in September, but I guess my hope (expectation?) that her heart would change for the good set me up for a massive crash, which I'm experiencing now.

[dil]

I feel for you buddy. I'm in the same boat right now. After a few months of separation, W still wants to D and has now said to me that she sees her life happier being on her own. That was really tough to hear...But I've picked myself up again realizing that I can have a good happy life too, with or without her. Just hang in there. Get those feelings out and I think you will feel better sooner than you think.

[Card29]

Just bleached my favorite jacket by unknowingly cleaning bathrooms using a bleach-based cleaner. Having too crappy of a day to take on more crap, so I'm choosing to laugh at this flub.

[zew]

Card, that can be fixed with a little more bleach to make a nice camo pattern, or a lot more bleach to get a more consistent washed out look.

You trendsetter, you.