Why don't you make a goal for yourself: try to get through each day without throwing in the towel. We all have been where you are and do get your pain & despair. Understandable.
I was so devastated the first week after Ms. Wonka left that a good friend stayed with me for the first 3 days with me and wrote a to-do list for me on a daily basis because I COULD NOT function at all. Each time I finished a task, I'd cross it off on the list. That was HUGE for someone like me with a very independent streak with a dash of being strong willed.
Also had very severe episodes of PTSD for three straight months immediately after Ms. Wonka left the house. Pretty dark times for me and here I am....thriving baby.
Become the best YOU that you can be, I have been at this now for almost a year and a half. I want all the same things you do.
I made the decision that I to own up to my part of the failed M and voweled to make myself better.
I have done that and you can too!!
I thought of it like this. I cant control my W I can only control myself and if I want any shot at all of R with my W I had to change myself. I started out doing it for my M and slowly it became more about me.
When this happened my W took notice. She is still a WAW at this moment but if my W sees I have changed then so does the whole world.
I want nothing more than a renewed M with my W but I had to change first and now I have my confidence back. It still hurts but it is somewhat more tolerable and I am so happy I didn't give up. I am fighting for my M and I think you want to also do the same.
You have 2 children you need to be strong for them right now.
Hang in there!!
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
Thanks for the support yall. it helps knowing you are there rooting for me. I just never ever thought I would be in the situation. I always thought it was for other people. I always felt sory for my friends who were breaking up/divorcing and thought if they only had what I had. What an unempathetic fool I was.
I will take the challenge to make 3 goals for myself everyday. They will be small but a goal is a goal right?
1. Practice thought shifting when my mind goes to dark places 2. Eating right - real meals 3. Denote one hour a day to exercise 4. STFU
Me 47/W 34 T 16 M 13 No kids BD 6/2013 W asked that I move out 6/2013 I moved back and W is upset with this 12/2013 separate beds not much talking Served D Complaint 5/2014 W moved out 9/27/2014
I honestly don't think I can do a marathon - you are right though, I will have to step away from the divorce process and just BREATHE
You know how you do a marathon? You train for it. You get the best gear (spew jacket) and you pick a program to get you to your goal (DB). No one runs a marathon the first day out. They have to train, daily. They have to take days off. They have to take care of themselves so they can continue to train. They have to nurse injuries, they have to train through the pain.
I started a 5k training program, and day one has you jog for 60 seconds. So like others suggested, set short goals for yourself and build upon them. Build up your endurance. Work on detaching. Discover yourself, because at the end of the day YOU are responsible for your happiness. You have to look at yourself in the mirror.
Train for this jan, regardless of the outcome.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
I feel that if I do things with my WAW that is giving her tacit approval to be in an open relationship (date her other AP) while she still sees me an the family. No she is not living with me but it still feels that she gets to cake and eat it too. How do I deal with that emotion ad dynamic.
For example, when we go to Disney World for out D6, how should I act? Distant, uninterested? I certainly don't want to post for any family photos with Mickey Mouse, that feels totally false and wrong to me.
Am I missing something here? Do I just swallow my "self righteous anger" and eat the [censored] sandwich for the sake of playing happy family?
For example, when we go to Disney World for out D6, how should I act? Distant, uninterested? I certainly don't want to post for any family photos with Mickey Mouse, that feels totally false and wrong to me.
A lot of EXPECTATIONS here that things are just going to go back to the way they were.
It will not turn out the way you are EXPECTING, that much I am sure.
Yes you need to work through your anger because that is not going to do anyone any good. Should you be angry - YES, but if you show it then you are giving out power that is undeserved. Turn you anger into your shield.
DETACHMENT, NO EXPECTATIONS, GAL all help with this.
We have all been where you are, moving forward in a dignified way is hard.
