Been a day or so, nothing new to report on the home front. W is still upbeat, positive, and talking like we have a future. Just working on filling that love tank.
Had a very enlightening conversation with an aunt (technically ex-aunt) who just finalized her D from my sex-addicted uncle. I learned a lot about the unhealthy dynamic that exists in my family; the one that my W was considering leaving to get away from. I know more about what I need to do to protect her from all that. My issues setting boundaries was my residual conditioning to keep the peace and keep up appearances at all costs. It was nice to hear from a third party about my control-addict father.
Just heard from a recruiter at the company I'm applying to. Hopefully I'll hear about an interview sometime after Christmas. If I get the job I'm looking at a $10K to $20K raise.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
Be prepared for a big pull-back and/or spew from her, as early as early this week. IT IS NORMAL. It will be a great chance to show that you won't overreact.
You're doing GREAT.
Starsky
Starsky, as much as I would have liked to say you would be wrong...you weren't. Happened tonight.
I responded with as much love and listening as I could. I don't think I overreacted.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
She had a fight with her best friend today, who likes to go off on OM. I probably told her a little too much about all the issues that I just found about with my family (sex-addicted uncle, among other things) She started to freak out about trying to stay away from my family, getting the weird sex stuff away from her. She's still grieving OM, but I expected that.
She's better now, hugged me and apologized. She doesn't understand why I'd fight for her. I think part of her pain right now is she doesn't know why anyone would fight for her.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Me 52, H53 Bomb drop 9/29/2014 Divorce from XH final 12/17/2014 Marriage #2 12/31/2019 5 adult (step)daughters (3 from XH's first marriage, 2 from current H's previous relationships) 6 grandkids
Be prepared for a big pull-back and/or spew from her, as early as early this week. IT IS NORMAL. It will be a great chance to show that you won't overreact.
You're doing GREAT.
Starsky
Starsky, as much as I would have liked to say you would be wrong...you weren't. Happened tonight.
I responded with as much love and listening as I could. I don't think I overreacted.
She's functional but still down. As Starsky predicted, she did have a pullback. I know in my head that it hasn't even been 7 days since she went NC, but damn, this is hard.
I'm going dark with my parents for a while. I had originally decided to not share with them what was going on. I reconsidered and decided to go ahead and tell them, emphasizing their toxic behavior and how it affected my marriage. I then canceled Christmas with them and told them I needed space and time to work on myself and my marriage. It'll take as long as it takes.
Believe it or not, I'm not sad. I hate that it's come to this, but I think I needed to remove their toxic presence from my life, even if it's just temporary. I feel a little liberated, actually. I don't hate them, but their presence is causing too much stress on us. I did it as much for me as for her, but I hope my W notices how committed I am to working on our marriage and removing toxic people from our life. It's hard to tell in her current state. I just wish she wasn't so hung up on the idea that setting boundaries isn't good enough; that I need to somehow proactively prevent them from ever approaching the boundaries, as if I can control another human being. She's working through a hell of a lot of resentment. I'm so sick of trying to read her at every turn. I may need to pull back myself, may have gotten too close to pursuing.
Had an out of the blue call from an old friend (well, friend with benefits) from high school who lives in Atlanta, ironically, just down the road from OM. (I did tell her that if she ever got the urge to slash tires or tamper with brake lines, I knew just the place LOL). I spent an hour unloading about my sitch. Turns out she had a similar issue with her husband's parents. At least mine are nice to my W's face; hers are just plain nasty. They have managed to survive, but they required quite a bit of counseling. I hadn't talked to her in years; it's amazing how many old friends have popped out of nowhere in the last three months.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
