This is probably a stupid question, but I'll post anyway. I've found any number of excellent articles about dopamine and "love". They describe my W's situation to a T. Is there any point to sharing these with her?
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
This is probably a stupid question, but I'll post anyway. I've found any number of excellent articles about dopamine and "love". They describe my W's situation to a T. Is there any point to sharing these with her?
Not a vet -- but NO. It looks controlling and like you're trying to justify your feelings. Just my thoughts.
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15
Not till she calms down and the timing is right. I don't think she will be receptive of it unless she is in a mood to work on M. I just wondeded if she knew about it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yeah, I know that's what's going on. When I used to characterize her EA as an addiction, she said that "cheapened" it. Because of course it's really the beginning of a beautiful life together. what else could it be? (eye rolling)
She says she's no longer "in love" with me. I wanted to point out that when she and I were in the dopamine phase, she couldn't have fallen in love with someone else for all the whiskey in Ireland. It's just the way these things work.
Last edited by Rzrback; 12/19/1406:50 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
I know I need to lay down the gauntlet on her seeing him. Is sooner better than later? I wanted to wait until after Christmas for the sake of the girls. The OM is not coming back into town until the 19th.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
She says she's no longer "in love" with me. I wanted to point out that when she and I were in the dopamine phase, she couldn't have fallen in love with someone else for all the whiskey in Ireland. It's just the way these things work.
She is now telling you she is not in love with you?
Okay, this is just me, and Starsky may have better advice for you, since he did go through that with his W. I would not go into any more speeches about her addiction and the dopamine. I actually wanted to know if she was educated on the subject. She is not going to listen to you teach it. So don't even approach it right now (especially if you've brought it up in past talks).
If it is next month when OM comes, you may have a little time for her to calm down. I thought he was coming now.
I don't think you need to try to go into R talks again. Make your point and keep it short and simple. I believe Starsky can help you with some "script" to use.
Last edited by sandi2; 12/19/1407:11 PM.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
Yes -- the good news is there's an entire month for her to think on it. Anything can (and will) happen between now and then.
Be direct with your boundaries about it and then let her decide.
ME: 38 BF: 40 T: 10y, no kids, no M (by choice) BD: 7/14/14, BF admits to PA, wants out, lies about new R. 10/1/14: I move out, BF lies about move in with OW 12/4/14: OW confronted, reveals all the lies
She says she's no longer "in love" with me. I wanted to point out that when she and I were in the dopamine phase, she couldn't have fallen in love with someone else for all the whiskey in Ireland. It's just the way these things work.
She is now telling you she is not in love with you?
Okay, this is just me, and Starsky may have better advice for you, since he did go through that with his W. I would not go into any more speeches about her addiction and the dopamine. I actually wanted to know if she was educated on the subject. She is not going to listen to you teach it. So don't even approach it right now (especially if you've brought it up in past talks).
If it is next month when OM comes, you may have a little time for her to calm down. I thought he was coming now.
I don't think you need to try to go into R talks again. Make your point and keep it short and simple. I believe Starsky can help you with some "script" to use.
No, we do have some time. Her saying she wasn't in love with me was part of her rhetoric from the beginning. I'll be talking about drawing the line in the sand about OM with my coach at our next session on the 29th. I don't feel like I need to go home tonight and do it.
I agree me trying to tell her about dopamine is pretty useless. I used the addiction metaphor for the last time a couple of weeks ago. She is not educated on it and seems to have a resistance to the idea of reading articles...says she prefers to feel her way through these things. That's the way she's always been, not unique to this sitch.
W just told me that the slimeball texted her "Merry Christmas". Yeah, I'm having a super effing Christmas, dirtbag :-( God, I want to call him right now...good thing I didn't copy his cell number.
Last edited by Rzrback; 12/19/1407:20 PM.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
