I'll be talking about drawing the line in the sand about OM with my coach at our next session on the 29th. I don't feel like I need to go home tonight and do it.
I agree 100%.
I do want to add this, while I'm thinking about it. If she starts getting worse in her testing, I hope you won't resort to doormat tactics just b/c of the holidays. I know they are important to you, but you can't let her bully you, b/c of the time of year. And don't let her scare you by using those type of words. Hold your ground.
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She is not educated on it and seems to have a resistance to the idea of reading articles...says she prefers to feel her way through these things. That's the way she's always been, not unique to this sitch.
Perfectly typical. We read information according to where our interests are. Of course she's going to resist reading the truth behind her feelings for OM. Of course she wants to let her emotions guide her through everything. After all, look how logical she's been so far!
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She's always been that way. She's an intelligent person, but is completely emotionally driven. I'm sure she's also afraid of being exposed to any objective truth about what's happening.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
Your riding The Beast from Kings Island! Welcome on board....grrr.
Originally Posted By: Rzrback
She's always been that way. She's an intelligent person, but is completely emotionally driven. I'm sure she's also afraid of being exposed to any objective truth about what's happening.
^^^that is a bit of mind reading. What 'objective truth' according to whom?
Yours?
Mine?
Sandi's?
Exactly.
You'll need to forcefully express the need for no contact with the OM in your next MC session. It is just not only "not okay" but also highly inappropriate with the context of being in a marriage with YOU where she needs to work on the connection. Cannot divert her attention elsewhere just because so this so-called connection that is opaque.
When I say "objective truth", I mean anything that suggests that she may not have actually found the man who is her ticket to happiness, but rather she's just under the effect of some powerful chemicals.
I did decide to hold off drawing any hard lines until we get to MC on 1/5. That'll also give me a chance to get one more coaching session in, get through the holidays, and give her a couple more weeks to work through some withdrawal.
Just need to figure out the best way to say it
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
So the date is now pushed back to the 5th. First the holidays, then DB coaching session, and now waiting for MC. That's a long time. How is she acting now?
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
She's been fine for a couple of days. Her spew sessions last for an hour or so and then she calms down. I'm in step back and watch mode right now. She's not confused about how I feel about them meeting again.
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
That was the first and last time she's ever mentioned seeing him again. I made it clear how I felt. I'm waiting to see if it was dopamine spew. It'll be brought up again regardless. The next MC session at the latest
Ex Rzrback Me 43 Her 44 D11, D15 T21, M19 BD 9/9/2014 Piecing
Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood
I have been impressed with how well you have been handling everything. Keeping your boundaries firm is great. Keep up the good work. I wish you the best.
M-44 W-44 Sons- 11&14 Married- 18 Together- 27 Separation mentioned- 9-29-14 Still together, but not "together" "if you feel rotten and forgotten, remember there'll be better days."
