Life 2.0 Part 2

[NH115]

Unfortunately. I see that closure/clarity meeting as a never ending cycle. All it will do is stoke the fire.

I'm a little bitter right now, but you have to stick to your boundaries.

That's exactly it. If she's as committed to working on her own marriage as she says she is, then why is "closure" so important?

Her seeing OM will stoke her emotions all over again. Never ending cycle. She still fantasizes that she and I can be solid again and he can still be a friend. It's infuriating.

[u-turn]

Closure means closed. Close the book and don't open it again. There's no process. Slam it shut.

There is no solution until there is NC. No friends. She just has to want this or I don't think it will work.

I am living this right now. It just continues and in my case, I cannot get it this commitment or NC in any way - it just won't happen.

[JCred]

For me the boundary would be "wanting to see him"
I don't see much difference in her seeing OM and her wanting to see OM. Either way he is in your marriage.

I believe love works best when it is freely given. She feels suffocated which proves she doesn't feel she is free to give it...

I'm sick of loneliness, of fear, of analyzing every damn thing she does or says. I want warmth again. She's outwardly warm most of the time, but I know she's not really all there. I want to spend my time with a woman who doesn't look at me as her obstacle to happiness.

Maybe I'm trying too hard. Maybe I should just let go and let God.

Sometimes if you want to see a change for the better, you have to take things into your own hands - Clint Eastwood

Would someone please remind me why I'm fighting so hard? It's obvious she has no intention of respecting my boundaries.

Why are you fighting so hard? Seems to me that those who are most successful are the ones who stop fighting and let go.. What say you?

Am I fighting because I want to stay married to her, or because I'm afraid of having my world change? I honestly don't know anymore.

I don't hate her. I can't. I'll always love her. But I'm starting to wonder if she's not right; that too much time has passed and too much damage has been done to our marriage to repair. She's seething with resentment.

Maybe we really are keeping each other from being the people we want to be and being with the people we should be with. Maybe we were meant to be together for a while to have our children but not meant to be together for life.

I think it would be highly effective if you said those things to her. Why aren't you being honest with her? Maybe she is right.. She may even feel for the 1st time that you really ARE letting go....

You just can't force or pressure someone to love you. It works best when it is freely given.....

Take off the pressure.. This isn't really working for you.
Take your own Clint Eastwood advice.... Stop the force and let her go.. It will work much better when she comes back to you WILLING to do the things you are making her feel forced to do now...... Make it YOUR choice... Not mean or vindictive....

[Dawn70]

Hang in there, Rzr. Your self-proclaimed pity party journal hit really close to home for me as I experience some of the very same things. Prayers for you!