Ganb8te 3 - conquering crow pose

[Nettles]

Hi G. Just offering up some suggestions.

The birthday text - If H sends you Holiday wishes or Happy New Year wishes, then send a birthday text. If H is silent on these, be silent on the birthday. H will set the standard on these type of communications.

Next contact - H already has it in mind when this will be, so no contact. It appears H is on his path and he must travel it alone. It must be done. Let H have the space.

I noticed in some of the conversation you posted that H would say something and you turned the focus to you. Perhaps this is just the way it was written and isn't a transcript, but could it be happening? Dealing with this and yoga are two examples where you don't write about H's experience, but how you tell H what you are doing. Did you ask probing questions? Just wondering.

Keep working on your breathing G. You'll get there.

[gan]

All great points, Nettles. Thank you.

I think it is probably just the way I wrote it. I'm actually quite a private person and don't like to be the centre of attention (we are both that way). Writing about things that are going on in my life feels quite odd for me in many ways and I'm mindful of the fact that he probably wouldn't want details of his life shared either. So I probably write more about me and my thought processes for that reason. Also emphasise DB principles to get feedback. But you are right, there were moments where I could have done more to keep the focus on him.

As for asking probing questions - I feel a need to tread carefully here. H can get annoyed when I ask questions and this is going to be a tough dynamic to crack. While I think he needs to learn to give me the benefit of the doubt (know that I'm asking because I care even if it comes across in a different way) I also think I need to change the way I ask questions. This relates to my comment about communication/listening/validation being my weakest link. I think I may look into some courses in the new year. Reading about communication is one thing but practicing it is another.

[gan]

Well SIL's wedding is on right now. Wish I could be a fly on the wall for that one. Alas no, I'm at the airport about to go to Australia's red centre for a solo get away.

I did end up sending a text to H with the book info before he left. No reply - but I didn't expect one. Also sent a one line email to SIL to wish them a great day today. Not sure if anything will come of that. She's not been in touch with me since BD which makes me a tad angry when I think about it. Whatever.

After a month or so of silence my H's best mate's wife sent me a few texts the last couple of days - asking for my address, sending Christmas photos and well wishes from their respective families. Interesting given that I told H just the other day that I hadn't heard back from them after I sent his mate a get well gift. Anywho, I'm glad to know that they are still thinking (well) of me. H will see them some time over the next week. I'm pretty sure they will give him a gentle earful about his recent dubious decision.

[Ggrass]

Ayers Rock is awesome, so is the olgas.
Alice and its attractions are good too. You will have to let me know what you think, when you get back.

[gan]

Hurting tonight.

I'm sitting under a spectacular night sky in front of my single person safari tent (yet bizarrely still have good phone signal). Had an amazing day watching the sunset over Uluru. Tomorrow we'll get up at 3.45am to go see the sun rise. Yay for GAL + seeing Australia.

Meanwhile, I've also seen the photos on FB of my SILs wedding a world away. There's a photo of my H there with his brother and his wife. He's wearing a nice smile. It just feels rotten that I'm not there.

Sometimes I wonder if I've not really come to terms with the fact that my M may not work out. I know I'll be ok regardless (truly) but I still hold out such hope that it will work out. Tell me - am I delusional? Does our meet up the other day seem like someone who is ready to walk away? Somehow I imagined that people who are ready to move on would be (1) more composed and content with themselves, not throwing peanut shells across the table because they are frustrated that this isn't what they imagined (e.g. me traveling solo) and (2) not anticipating future meet ups (e.g. suggesting we meet up in February).

I know there are no guarantees but some sort of measure of feasibility would be nice!

Have a good day fellow DBers. I'm off to bed.

[Maybell]

G, what a wonderful trip you're on!

Labug posted a quote from Robx on my thread yesterday that might help you.

There isn't more I can say, I'm no good at reading tea leaves.

Enjoy your trip. It sounds bucket-list-worthy.

[Barrybran]

That was a good read. Thanks Maybell and Labug.

G, I don't think you're delusional at all. It sounds like your husband is either curious or courteous, and highly conflicted about what his future looks like. It's tough to deal with at times but you're already on a great path; this trip is an example. You're doing something for yourself, not wallowing around in self-pity and creating stories to tell people in the future. Stay patient, keep your interactions with your husband light and be grateful for the interactions you do have with him. Enjoy the rest of your trip!

[labug]

I just noticed your thread title. How's it going with crow?

Thanks for stopping by, Labug! Last night I did my first face plant. I just ducked my head and went with it. Didn't hurt one bit. One of life's great lessons ;-)

There's been a bit more activity on my thread that usual so I'm going to have to step it up if I want to conquer crow by the end of this one. Any tips? I know you are also a yogi. Poor upper body strength is my biggest yoga limitation. Even downward dog seems challenging some days.

Tips? Just something I learned from mindfulness which carries over into yoga-"paying attention in a particular way; on purpose, in the present moment, and non judgmentally."

And my favorite yoga thought, non-striving.

[Ggrass]

Yeah funny about Ayers Rock, a gazzllion miles from anywhere and it has top mobile and Internet but no grid power.

The inside of our country is a real contrast and both backwards and modern all at once.

Love it, is it green or red atm. When I went there was hardly and red as they had more wet than ever before. I was disappointed in the no red sands.

Bush mice were funny, tho big things with funny feet every where. Quite cute but boy they could infest something quick tho.

[Little]

That's hilarious. I barely get cell service in my apartment. And people say America is the capitalist society with our noses too into our electronics. LOL