still holding on - 5

[T-Mom]

u-turn,

So when you were feeling good about yourself and what single life would be like... maybe try to focus on THAT... you said, "it seemed good to me. I can do it." I feel for you. I get how bad it feels.... but take away the good of knowing you can do it, and it feeling good.

[u-turn]

Thanks T-mom
I do worry that it feeling alright to me was solely based on my kids. I cannot put that burden on them.

I am not alright - at this moment
She is ignoring this like nothing is happening, like our talk didn't happen - wants me to go christmas present shopping with her.
She is talking about the christmas plans at my parents house.
My mind is swirling.

[T-Mom]

Yikes. So, she is a total cake eater, eh?! Do you want her to go to your parent's house for Christmas? Her comments sound like she is trying to control what happens at Christmas. I, personally, would feel the need to put her in her place on that.. shouldn't YOU decide what does or does not happen at your parent's house? I don't know what the right DB thing is to do with that.

[T-Mom]

... and is OM married?

[u-turn]

T-mom.
I don't know what I want any more. I don't much care about DBing any more. and Yes OM is married with 4 kids. W and OM work together.

Well - what I suspected is all true. I was just too stupid to do anything about it before.

She went right back to her ways and tried to be nice to me all day. This is her way to control everything.

At night she continued as if nothing was wrong. I told her "you do not have to be nice to me any more"

W: is that what you think I am doing?
me:you have made your decision, and it is not necessary to for you to do anything for me any more.

w:I did it because I though we were through
me: please stop lying to me. I do not want to hear any more
w: (crying) I don't want to hurt you or the kids any more
w:I didn't expect you to forgive me for before and I don't expect you to forgive me now.

Are we done? I suppose so. I cannot say that I will forgive her. She will not come back to me at this point. I don't know how to continue.

This all while S20 and her were having a battle over text message - he is not coming back either. He won't be here for christmas and probably never - until W is gone.

I feel like I've just lost everything.

I just want it to stop.

[T-Mom]

u-turn,
So if your son isn't coming for Christmas if W is there, then does W need to be there? How do the other kids feel?

[T-Mom]

I am really sorry that you are feeling this way at all, let alone right before Christmas. I don't understand the fantasy land these people have in their heads! So, she wants her family and her affair, and so does OM. It doesn't work in real life. What if they didn't have their families to fall back on?

[u-turn]

Real life does not seem to have any relevance to them. The family life is all she is clinging to here.

She just told me that she just wants to keep it together through the holidays for D14 & S17. I don't know how - keep faking it and then blast them with this later?

and I think I wrote something confusing. S20 is not coming home to my & W's house & we both still lives here too. Christmas afternoon at my parents house is just dinner & some family time. We have done this every year. My brother and his kids will be there too. I don't suspect S20 will be at that either.

[u-turn]

Sorry for ranting today.
W/ just came into my office to talk about S20. She is angry about all of the lies he has told, about his plans to come home, about what he is doing at school. and about how he thinks he is entitled to everything and how he has been disrespecting us. She said again - "I am pissed off about all of the lies"

I responded "really?"
She got it -

she said "I know I have no room to talk"

S20 wants to be on his own. She wants to cancel his cell phone & car insurance, pack his belongings up and tell him to pick it up. I told her we will wait until after the first of the year to cancel anything. Nothing needs to be done today.

She went to work - I am relieved.

[T-Mom]

I guess my question was more about: Is your son staying away because of her?