I just finished wrapping gifts today and filled a stocking for WAW.... Mostly from the kids. But I did include a Christmas card for her (not the wife type, just a generic) and signed nothing but my name... No "love" or "your husband" I also included a small gift cert for her to get her nails done at her fav place. Here is a link to my other post if anyone wants to catch up
To be honest, only you can answer your own question because you are the only person that knows or at least can think how your W will take those gifts. From my understanding of your situation you and her have been having semi-decent exchanges lately minus the last exchange...how has she been with you since then? Is she still upset or bitter or angry about it? Personally I don't think there's anything wrong with a card and a gift card to a nail salon, and good call on not saying anything romantic/wife oriented. But if shes still upset, she may not have any kind of reaction to it at all, or get more mad because it may seem like you're trying to buy back into her good graces. Have you ever had the experience of buying flowers for your wife when she was mad and she didn't want them and just kind of ignored it or threw them back at you? Because THIS GUY (me, if you didnt catch that, ha) has...and only when she calmed down did she accept them.
It also depends on how your wife and you have been which is what I was saying earlier. Does she like opening gifts on Christmas? I mean yes obviously everybody does but I know for my wife it's one of her favorite things to do to open presents-not cards, but the actual unwrapping stuff. In my case, my DB Coach actually told me to go out and buy my wife something because my wife and I are on extremely friendly terms and I know that she would love the idea of it, especially since well both be alone. My W is actually calling as we speak because she's happy that someone (her family didn't send her anything) got her something for her to open on Christmas. Like you, I kept the card non-romantic like and didn't sign it with love or anything.
I hope this helps a little, but bottom line, ask yourself how you think she'd interpret the gesture, either thoughtful and nice or if you're trying to buy back into her good graces. If she still upset maybe an idea would be to give her the card so at least she knows that you're thinking about her but hold off on the gift certificate until she's no longer angry and then when she's not upset, simply say hey I got this for you for Christmas but wasn't sure if you would accept it ? What do you think?
ME: 28 W: 24 M: 2.5yrs T: 5yrs BD: 22 SEP 14 W Leaves: 5 OCT 14
Thanks TLEE!!!!.. I am right along the same lines... I hope your W realizes that few people are there for her.. But here is you... the ROCK. Waiting for her to figure things out. I will definitely be praying for you guys tonite!!!
I gave her the stocking and said the kids got you a few things... and I got you a card. She gave me some left overs.. (she said she started cooking (new!!) and gave me some left overs. After I loaded the kiddos in the truck, she actually gave me a one arm hug!!!! and I told her "that felt good". Then I actually stuck my cheek out and she gave me a little kiss...(first time she has showed and affection in 4-5 months. I felt like a teenager again.. all nervous to do something that bold... But it felt good and I happy I took the chance.
Its good to see these babysteps and hopefully a sign of things continuing to thaw!!!!
Well, I gotta get the kids ready for Mass... Thanks for commenting.
Together 06-04 Married 10-05 She Left 10-11-14 I filed 10-22-14
Hi. Just my two pence worth but I gave my W a it 120 euro worth. She would have normally got 5 times that. She is sitting with me now watching a film and I wanted this Christmas to be good for kids as it might be the last as a family.
If it turns out she is with OM in the future then so be it , I have acted correctly at all times and that makes me feel good about myself. Life is too short to have regrets. I still love W even if she doesn't love me Happy Christmas. Rd
Well there RD... She is with you now!!! keep the spirits up how many times before have you been together since the S??? Maybe this is a sign.. just keep it simple and no pressure. Maybe when she leaves just give her a quick comment, such as this was nice, or just a thanks for coming over tonite.... once again, no pressure. Then I would let her reach out to you next... and you need to get on with making RD better. Just like they say, GAL, PMA and your 180's
Good luck and Merry Christmas!!!
Together 06-04 Married 10-05 She Left 10-11-14 I filed 10-22-14
I think if your gift was given with no expectations then there is nothing wrong with it. But sometimes we don't realize that we had expectations until after the fact when we realize we are disappointed with the outcome.
I think I gave H a card last year when we were in the beginnings of this situation--plus some gifts in the kids' names. We actually ended up in an upswing right after Christmas which lasted a few months. I was still so hopeful back then. I don't regret it, but I thought better of it this year. I couple of small gifts from the kids (one my d11 selected on her own, the other because I found out he had gotten me two gifts from the kids and I wanted to make it even. I am tempted to give him a card, but I don't trust myself this time around to not have expectations. I think my goal would be to get some sort of reaction from him, either positive or negative, and I don't need that right now. I just need to detach.
40s 2teens M14Y BD-10/12/13 rec-1/14 BD2-5/14 rec2-9/14 EA disc-10/14 4/15-BD 3 and triangulation ensues Served with D6/15 MS forced to leave7/15 D agreement signed 8/16 final 5/17
well, WAW just dropped off the kiddos for my X-mas time... Although she just waited in the van out front while they kids signed a card for the In-Laws, I went out to say hi and give her some stuff that she had left behind and give her the card from the kids. She had a sincere look in her eyes and said thank you for the card and the stocking. I just gave her a smile and said no prob. I also told her I just wanted her to do the things to make her feel confident and beautiful while she figures out what it is she is going through. She said thanks again and then I just told her Merry Christmas and bye.
I think that was a nice way to leave things... Be the first one to end the conversation and on good terms. Also kinda showing her that Im not necessarily hanging on to every word (although I could have sat there all day just talking). I am detaching and GAL while she sorts her priorities and figures this out.
Any thoughts???
Together 06-04 Married 10-05 She Left 10-11-14 I filed 10-22-14
So tough!! I didn't get my H anything because I assumed with his need to keep reinforcing that we were D that gifts would be pursuing. Turns out he got me two gifts and I got him nothing. I felt like a total assh*le. But all my friends and family have told me that him getting me gifts was no expected or even anticipated. Hard call.
Me 26 ; H 26 S 8 Married less than a year Bomb 9/15/14 H moves out 9/15/14 H Files 11/21/14 Served D papers 12/31/14
