Old dog seeks new trick 6

[Old Dog]

Lovin' the Groundhog vibe :-)

Today I am grateful for:

Being released early from the drudgery of work. Most people were away already but when the most senior person left in the office learnt, from someone rise, that I actually lived four hours away, she said just go home which was nice.

My friend lending me his flat (that originally came out as goat :-) in London for a few days after Xmas. I dropped by on the way home to pick up the keys. Now I can get some serious GALing done :-)

The ability to take step back, look at what's happening and do a 180. When I got home, we went to a sing-a-long down the pub where S14's mate's DSL was in a makeshift band bashing out carols and Xmas songs. Although I love watching bands, carols and Xmas songs are not my bag so I withdrew a bit mentally and physically. But, my DB chums, I paused and considered the situation, re-entered the fray and even sang along to quite a few if the songs. The evening ended with Mud's It'll be lonely this Christmas which I sang along with ... without looking at daft lass once.

It's xmas day tomorrow folks, but we can handle it.

Love to you all. xx

[Old Dog]

So here it is merry Christmas, everybody's having fun.
Look to the future now it's only just begun. - Slade

Morning folks, keep your PMA going today.
Feeling pretty spruce myself. Got one one best shirts on and some aftershave that people on here recommended.
And I got a smile and a merry Christmas from daft lass.

[Ggrass]

You look awesome from here, your best side! Lol

I'm sure you looked awesome.

[Old Dog]

Oh yeah. Awesomeness abounds on this worst Christmas ever.

Daft lass is cooking the Xmas dinner and also planning her New Years partying, asking me about taking the kids while she goes oh gallivanting. Sigh. We were getting on so well too. Don't worry, I wasn't expecting anything else.

I was planning to go to London with the kids but I don't think I'll be able to as my friends flat will be full and all the hotels double their prices. I'll keep looking for a solution though.

[Old Dog]

Today I am grateful that we had a nice day. There was no awkwardness, well not much and the kids seemed to enjoy themselves.

Daft lass cooked a nice Xmas meal and I thanked her for it and washed up. We played Cluedo which S14 won and the Logo game which she won. Didn't watch much TV, just the Father Ted Xmas episode ... again.

Luckily I can't find the Xmas songs CD, so I didn't have to hear the same old songs again. I really couldn't work in a shop in December, it would drive me insane listening to the same songs over and over again year after year. I actually found a few Jimmy Smith Xmas songs on YouTube which were great: a nice change.

Tomorrow we split. She takes the kids to her folks and I go to my mums for the night. I'm off to my friends in London the day after for a couple of days. She doesn't know that and I'm not sure I want to tell her, but I don't know why not.

[Old Dog]

A quote from 25 over on card's thread that I need to to tattoo this somewhere.

FOR NOW, back the heck off. Seriously. And the only way to do that successfully is to detach

and the only way I know how to detach is to GAL ... for real ...

Back off, and trust this process ...

We're going to our respective folks homes today. I'm not allowed to go to her's now in case it causes awkwardness. I felt OK yesterday but today though calm on the outside, inside I'm feeling anger and resentment. This is not good, but it's there, it's real. I'm trying to choose not to, but it's so hard. Spent a couple of minutes cursing her (out of earshot) while she was in the bath upstairs.

And I feel like crying again at her stubbornness to even contemplate working on our relationship. What was that I posted at the top of this again? Still a long way to go then.

[Card29]

I feel for you. I have been there off and on for months. It's okay to be angry at times. That is how you feel. It's a natural part of the grieving process. I think there are two keys, though, that are very important to follow:

- Do not take any anger out on her! No yelling at her, etc. if you need to, curse at your steering wheel, a pillow out of earshot, etc. You will eventually regret any anger you show to her. It sounds like you're really trying not to do this, so stick with it!

- Do not hold on to anger. It will come up naturally...I mean this is the ultimate betrayal if you ask me. But you are doing the right thing to choose to leave it, even if you're not successful all of the time. I understand now why people can be so crazy and furious during these crises, because perpetual anger is so much less painful to be in (in the moment) than being heartbroken. You don't feel as vulnerable, you don't feel as bad about yourself. But it is so important to be vulnerable (watch Brene Brown's TED Talk, Power of Vulnerability). That is the path of healing, the path to joy. If you numb your pain with anger, you will simultaneously numb your ability to be joyful.

OldDog, I have made it through the anger stages, and I can attest to your pain, your anger, but also to your desire to not be angry. Keeping letting go, and seek true forgiveness in your heart, for her and yourself. It will be worth it! I'm still not through the entire grieving process, but Ive been through that stage, I believe, and I can tell you that it is worth it to stick to the path that lead away from anger

[Old Dog]

Hey Card, thanks for your support. I thought I was over the anger stage but I think the grief curve is a lot more complicated than first appears. In fact it's more like ... da da daaa

... a roller coaster :-)

I'm trying for the swan effect. Calm and serene (yeah right) above water but paddling like fury underwater.

I've watched Brene Brown's Ted talk and Shawn Achor's and Ann Cuddy's. They're very inspiring.

I'm just treating these days as blips. Annoying, but they won't last. In fact I'm already feeling a whole lot better after spending the afternoon with my mum.

[u-turn]

Hey Old Dog
that anger does resurface some times. I have a hard time dealing with that - though I always have.

Now it's forced exercise when I get angry - I'm now the push-up master.

Stay cool O.D.

[Old Dog]

Nice one u.

I heard Shawn Achor on a podcast the other day saying it's a good time to remind yourself of things you are grateful for.

One of my wonderful work flat mates also texted me the same thing this morning.