Old dog seeks new trick 6

[Old Dog]

Still got festering anger. I'm not showing it, but it's there inside.

Think I'll go and get my hair cut.

[Maybell]

Leaving your W aside, what do you want from your life? Aside from a successful M, what will give you most satisfaction at the end of your life?

I have often thought, even pre-BD, about peasants from 300 years ago, the intense work they did just to have livable existences, and wondered what they did for personal satisfaction. How everyone has talents and interests that drew them and gave them their place in the community (the woman who understood how to keep chickens laying, the man who used his free time to teach himself to play an instrument and became the music source for the village, etc.).

What's your "thing"? What makes you, you?

I think this is why too much leisure is bad for humans. We fail to prioritize our leisure time and so fail to become our true selves. This horrible experience of being dumped forces us to live more intentionally. How will you focus yourself?

[SunnyB]

Still got festering anger. I'm not showing it, but it's there inside.

OD, specifically what are you angry about? Sometimes anger is a mask for another emotion. Can you name the source of your anger? And can it be drilled down to something else that can be dealt with?

For example, what seems like anger in D12 is often fear. She seems angry, but if you get to the root of it, she's afraid of something. Then that fear can be addressed.

Maybe that's true for you, too? Your anger is really......
fear...embarrassment...sadness...loneliness...
Is there something else there underneath?

[Old Dog]

Maybell, I've never really known what I want from life. I've been a bit of a drifter. my only real passion is music. I was in the biz for 10 years in the 80s-90s. I've lost that and I miss it. I was a musician, tour manager, sound engineer, roadie, driver, dogsbody for dozens of bands in that time. For the most part, I enjoyed it.

I switched careers to web developer because I got fed up sitting in traffic jams with arrogant idiots on the way to some toilet venue. That, and daft lass absolutely hated me going away for up to three/four weeks at a time. She used to cry and beg me not to go. What a change.

What will give me most satisfaction? I don't know, but maybe something to do with music again.

You know I've also wondered about peasants and their lot. Why did they carry on? What was life for for them? Maybe you just had to because that was your position in life and they accepted it. The reward was in heaven. How convenient for the masters.

[Old Dog]

rppfl. I think fear us at the root of everything.

Reading DB & DR opened my eyes and 'feel the fear and to it anyway' opened them a little more. In fact all the books that people have spoken about have, but I believe fear us the key.

When I read FTFADIA I could not believe how much fear I seemed to have but I'm afraid it's true. There are differing scales of course and I'm able to confront and control some of it ... but there are some deep lying fears that will take a lot of working out I reckon.

I think I'm getting back on an even keel now after the worst Xmas on record.

I am wondering if I'm doing the right thing in staying here though. I sometimes think should I leave, go and live where my job is, come back one weekend a month staying at my mums and take the boys out for dome fun.

Let her stand on her own two feet. See how much input I provide into this family. I would probably cut my financial input into the joint account by quite a bit. She would have to move to much smaller place.

Just one if the things I mull over while lying awake at night.

[SunnyB]

rppfl. I think fear us at the root of everything.

That's something you can work with, OD. Face those fears. They probably aren't as bad as you have them built up in your mind. Do you see an IC?

I sometimes think should I leave, go and live where my job is, come back one weekend a month staying at my mums and take the boys out for some fun.

I'm sure there are pros and cons. For me personally, it would center around the kids. How much do you see them now? Would living away significantly change that? How do you feel about that?

[Old Dog]

Fears are only ingrained thoughts in your mind. That's all they are. But the mind is very powerful and years of conditioning will hold you back. It's a similar process to DBing to changing them. Baby steps etc. I'm not seeing an IC at the moment: still waiting to be seen. I will chase on Monday.

Yes, pros and cons indeed. I'm back every weekend so I see them then. Making a move would reduce the time with them a lot. Mind you, a lot of the time they're playing computer games anyway.

How do I feel about this? I feel afraid I'll be doing the wrong thing whatever I do. Where's my IC?

[Old Dog]

I chased the IC thing. Because it's organised by the health service, it has to be at my local surgery or health centre and there are no available slots at the moment. At least they haven't forgotten me.

And I just realised something. Daft lass is forever texting on her phone to her fun friend friend. She also hugs the boys quite a lot.

Maybe she is getting some of her need met in this way. It's as if her friend is providing EA support and the boys are providing physical touch support.

[gan]

How are things Old Dog? I just had one thought. Sounds like you might not have a choice of ICs through your health service, is that correct? Might still be worthwhile asking some questions before you go to confirm that the person you are scheduled to see is generally pro-marriage (assuming that is what you want). Otherwise you might waste time and money with an IC who just tells you it is time to move on or set a time limit limit etc. Knowing that my IC supports my position has helped a lot.

[Sotto]

Hey Jim, just a thought. I went to Relate, they also offer IC, and it has been really helpful. I've had about 10 sessions with them..